How To Say Goodbye

March 12, 2015 By in Friendships Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

“I have to go.”

Why are those words so hard to say sometimes?

Occasionally I’m on the phone and have to get off for whatever reason. Sometimes I really need to go to sleep because I have work very early in the morning. Other times I have to do work right then- maybe I’m in the middle of packing for a trip or doing my taxes or getting ready to go out.

I’ve never gotten much better at cutting off long conversations gracefully, even though I’m in my 30’s. I still find it super difficult.

If I was talking to someone I didn’t really like, then it’d be easy to get off the phone with them. I’d wait for the quickest pause, and then interrupt with ‘I’m so sorry, I better go to sleep because I have to wake up at 6am tomorrow” or “Sorry, I’m going into a subway tunnel,” or whatever. But why would I be talking on the phone to someone I didn’t really like? Usually, I have the opposite problem- I’m talking with somebody that I really DO like, and I know I have to go, but I don’t really want to. However, I’m getting more and more anxious about the time. Then I can barely concentrate on a conversation I really like, because I’m distracted by when I need to end it, and I don’t really get to enjoy the end of the talk anyway. And then I’m late.

This happens to me in person too. Sometimes I know I have to be somewhere or do something, but I’m just having the best time hanging out with someone. Then it starts getting later and later and anxiety creeps in. I’m worried I’m going to be late somewhere and I get distracted and can’t enjoy myself as much.

I wish I was better at figuring out these situations. Not only am I fighting myself with my obligations versus fun friend time, but I’m also worried about hurting another person’s feelings by cutting them off in the middle of a great conversation.

Jane, my lovely co-blogger, is way better at finagling this than I am, so I ran the issue by her. Even though I’ve experienced her gracefully end conversations with me numerous times because she had to run, she told me that even she feels like she has major problems here and feels anxious about it.

I’m trying to recount how she, and other friends of mine, are able to end conversations so tactfully and without hurting my feelings. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

1. Find the quickest pause and then start with something nice.

In order to end the conversation, start with telling the other person how much you’ve loved talking to them so far. For example: “This has been so great, …but I have to get home and pack or I’ll get no sleep. I’m so sorry!”

2. Start the conversation with an end in mind.

If you know you have to end at a certain point, preface with that. For example, “Just so you know, I can’t talk too long because I have to pack for my Tahiti trip tomorrow. I apologize!” (Darn those Tahiti trips.)

3. Make a new plan

You can always end with a raincheck. For example, “This was great. Sorry I have to run…maybe we can catch up again tomorrow? You around?”

That’s all I’ve got. I’m going to try implementing these strategies and see how I feel. What do you guys think? Are you good at ending conversations gracefully? Do you worry about hurting others’ feelings? Or missing out on something great?

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What to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed

March 11, 2015 By in Health and Wellness 2 Comments

I woke up this morning with anxiety, the kind of chest tightening, global feeling anxiety. I couldn’t quite place it – where it was coming from and why, but it’s been uncomfortable all day. When I thought more about the feeling over the course of the day, I began to place why I was anxious. I have final projects for grad school due soon, an uncomfortable conversation to have, and plans that are up in the air for tonight in addition to lots of other small tasks that have piled up. Combined, these things created a ball of anxiety that is currently sitting in my chest, annoying the crap out of me and making me feel overwhelmed.

So what do I do? Well, I have a few tactics that I’ve learned over the years to help me feel less overwhelmed. Maybe they can be of some use to you too.

1. What’s the Worst That Could Happen? 

Usually, even if everything went wrong – the situation I’m dealing with still wouldn’t be so bad. Think about what you’re worried about – and let’s say the worst case scenario happened – would you still be alive? Probably. Then that’s enough. You can get through it.

2. Take the Smallest Possible Step in a Productive Direction 

Procrastinating on a project or sending a dreaded email? Take the tiniest step possible towards accomplishing that goal. For me, I force myself to do just 10 minutes of whatever dreaded thing I’ve got going on. Once I’ve finished the 10 minutes, I realize it wasn’t so bad, and I usually keep on going. But if I don’t, so be it. Ten minutes is better than no minutes. Don’t underestimate the effect of small amounts of time put towards a big goal.

3. Slow Down 

Think of yourself as a turtle. Make every decision in as deliberate a way as possible. Focus on each thing you’re doing during each moment as completely as you can. This ties into the whole zen idea of being fully present in all of your tasks.

“If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to wash the dishes.” What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink.” – Thích Nhất Hạnh

4. Write it Down 

Take out a pen and paper and write down all the things that are contributing to your anxiety. Sometimes they won’t all come up at once, so be prepared to be constantly adding to the list throughout the day. Just having a single spot where all your worries are kept seems to help me tremendously.

Hope these help you as much as they’ve helped me!

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What the hell, Tinder?! Blatant Ageism Towards People Over Thirty in the Online Dating Sphere

March 10, 2015 By in Money, Relationships Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Tinder recently introduced a form of “surge pricing” for its famous dating app. They’re now charging American singles 30+ years of age twice what those under 30 will pay. The app will be $9.99 for those under 30, and $19.99 for those 30 and older.

In the UK, Tinder will charge the 28 and older single crowd more than FOUR times the cost for younger generations. Converted from pounds, this comes out to around $23 compared to around $6!

The price change comes as Tinder introduces it’s new Premium upgrade, Tinder Plus. If you use the free version of Tinder, it will still be free…for now.

Tinder can get away with charging whatever the heck it feels like because it’s owned by IAC/InterActiveCorp, which controls 27 percent of of the $2.2 billion dating-services industry. Included in IAC’s portfolio are Match.com and OkCupid. Heard of them?

Although I’ve personally never used Tinder (well, I’ve swiped through on a friend’s app), this price surging strikes me as blatant ageism. It’s discrimination pure and simple! Isn’t it difficult enough to be over 30 and single? Does there really need to be a dating app pointing out that you’re too old and therefore not as valuable to the online dating scene? There’s already a shameful age bias to being single over thirty – does Tinder really need to add to it?

Although it’s TINDER afterall, and you might expect them to pull a dick move like this, it’s still making a pretty awful statement. Tinder’s singling out older daters…just because it can. Even TechCrunch wrote an article titled New Tinder Charges Whatever It Wants. They say, “older users, who theoretically have less supply and offer less demand, pay a greater amount for extra dating tools.” Tinder’s excuse is basically that it’s courting the younger crowd, who “are more budget constrained, and need a lower price to pull the trigger.”

I get the idea of this excuse (younger people are poorer), but the policy still sends a crappy message to quite a large group of “older” singles (who aren’t old at all). Plus, people in their 20’s aren’t necessarily poorer than people in their 30’s anyway. And the excuse just seems like a blatant marketing lie. Wired magazine says, in their article titled Yes, Tinder’s New Pricing is Ageist Pure And Simple, “why not just be honest: Tinder is charging us more because it thinks we are desperate. Desperate to find our last chance at love and willing to pay whatever it takes.”

I’m hoping that singles over 30 boycott the Premium Tinder until this price difference is adjusted. Possibly, we should boycott Tinder altogether for making such a biased statement. Hopefully Tinder gets the message and comes up with a middle ground price that’s equal for all ages.

Do I think this is likely? Nope. Do I think dating in your 30’s is fair? Nope. But one can dream.

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And We’re Almost Done with the First 1/4 of 2015…

March 9, 2015 By in Grab Bag 2 Comments

It’s March 9th and we’re rounding the corner on finishing the first fourth of 2015. Can you believe that? As trite as it is to say, but I’m going to say it anyway, time truly does fly. It’s so easy to get off-track on your big goals during the day-to-day of living life. I was thinking a lot about this after I received a text from a friend this morning asking about my birthday weekend. She said she hoped that my weekend had given me a chance to reflect on my year and my future. I loved this, because it’s so important to be reminded to reflect and make sure you’re headed in the direction you want to go.

So I ask you today – have you stuck to your 2015 resolutions? Did you get closer to your goals in January, February and the start of March?

Personally, I’ve definitely done some great writing, creating work I’m proud of (big goal #1). But in terms of health and wellness, I haven’t been eating all too well or exercising much lately. Can I blame this on graduate school? Perhaps. I did make a somewhat small-ish New Years’ resolution that I’ve kept so far – not being hungover at all in 2015. And so far, so good. It might seem small to some folks, but I have social anxiety sometimes, and I end up drinking too much at parties or events where I’m around strangers. Also, for me, 3 drinks or more usually results in being hungover. An extra glass of wine can be the tipping point to losing my Sunday to low energy.

So as your first 1/4 of 2015 rounds down, ask yourself if you’re directing your time and energy in the way you set out to in those inspired early days of 2015.

Because, where do you want to be when….

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Happy Birthday to My Best Friend!!!

March 8, 2015 By in Friendships Tags: , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Yayyyy!!! Today is Jane’s birthday!!!

The amazing 33! Woohoo!!!!

Happy Birthday to the best Best Friend and Co-Blogger a girl could ask for!! 

I wish I was there to celebrate with you, Jane! But I know you’re having a blast vacationing with your man in Palm Springs! 🙂

Even though you lose an hour of your day to Daylight Savings Time, we’re going to officially call this Jane’s complete birthday week! So there will be many hours more added to the celebration time!

Thanks to our wonderful readers and friends for joining us as we all continue to celebrate birthdays together!

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Or spending time with my friend..

 

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Love you!!!

 

 

Advice for your 30s from Judi Dench

March 6, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: Leave a comment

Who doesn’t love the powerhouse actress Dame Judi Dench? She’s talented, elegant, classy and makes getting older seem like a gift (Can you believe she’s nearly 80? She has such a youthful spirit!). The other day I saw this article, Judi Dench’s advice to her 30-year-old self on Stylist.co.uk and as I suspected, her kick-ass insights into living your best life weren’t cliche or broad like “follow your bliss!”.

One of her best pieces of advice was “Use fear to your advantage.” I love this, because one of life’s greatest motivators is fear – fear of failing, fear of not finding stable job, fear of not finding love or connection, etc. While you can try to fight against that fear, why not embrace it? Use the fear to guide you. For me, fear tends to be one of my most energizing emotions (that and anger, of course). Fear pushes me to work harder and do everything I can to avoiding ‘losing’ things – friends, jobs, opportunities, etc.

Two others pieces of advice that I loved were “Never stop being surprised by things” and “Fill your house with pets.” After spending a week with our first foster dog Chase last week, I realized how much happier I felt on the whole. All the cliche things you hear about dogs ended up being true – I talked to our neighbors more and I felt more lighthearted and less anxious.

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Thanks, Dame Judi Dench! (Now if you could just let me know how your skin looks so awesome. Thanks.)

Oh, and P.S. – We’ll be making the “Advice for your 30s” a regular part of this blog going forward, so stay tuned!

Credits vs Adjustments vs Deductions, The Most Common Tax Questions in Your Thirties- Part 3

March 5, 2015 By in Money Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

On to the next one! The next tax question pertinent to those of us in our thirties, that is…

Yesterday, I wrote about Standard Deductions vs Itemized Deductions. Today I will attempt to explain Credits vs Adjustments vs Deductions in the simplest way possible.

It took me forever to understand the difference in these terms (they’re slippery). If you can grasp them, you’re miles ahead of the tax curve..so let’s start 🙂

TOTAL INCOME: So let’s say you’re single and you make $60,000 total this year in income, including every penny that goes in your pocket. That’s your total income. 

ADJUSTMENT (also known as ABOVE THE LINE deductions): Now, let’s say you paid $1,500 in student loan interest this year and contributed $3000 to a traditional IRA (retirement account). No matter whether you decide to take the standard deduction or itemize your deductions (both standard deductions and itemized deductions are known as Below the Line Deductions), you can subtract your student loan interest of $1500 and the traditional IRA contributions of $3000 from your total income! This is because they are adjustments. And adjustments are great! So your Adjusted Gross Income would be $55,500. ($60,000 – $1,500 – $3000 = $55,500). 

To clarify more regarding adjustments, let’s say you still made $60,000 in total income, and you still paid $1,500 in student loan interest this year and contributed $3000 to a traditional IRA. But you also gave $500 to charity and paid $1000 in medical expenses. If you took the standard deduction on your taxes ($6,300 this year for single filers), you would still able to subtract the adjustments (student loan interest and health insurance contributions) from your total income but couldn’t subtract the $500 given to charity and the $1000 in medical expenses because they count as itemized deductions. If you itemized your deductions, you could subtract the student loan interest, retirement account money paid, AND charity donations AND medical expenses. This doesn’t mean that you should itemize though- only itemize if your itemized deductions exceed $6,300 (the standard deduction) this year!

CREDIT: So far, we’ve only talked about subtracting from your total income. How about subtracting from your tax bill? Sound good?

So lets say you have to pay $6000 in taxes. If you have a credit, it will reduce that bill dollar for dollar. So if you have a $2,000 credit, your tax bill will be $4,000 (6,000-2000). Credits are the best to have but also the hardest to come by. Credits you could possibly take include the Credit for Child and Dependent Care expenses, the Child Credit, and education credits (like the Lifetime Learning Credit and the Hope Credit).

Let’s illustrate all of this below:

Total income (sum of all your income)
— Above the line deductions
=  Adjusted gross income ← “The Line”
— Standard deduction or itemized deductions
— Exemptions (you can always take an exemption for yourself, and then more for your dependents. Right now the exemption per person is $3,950.)
=  Taxable income

Here’s our example plugged in:

$60,000 Total Income
— $4,500 Above the line deductions (adjustments)
= $54,500 Adjusted Gross Income ← “the line”
— $3,950 Exemption
— $6,200 Standard deduction
= $44,350 Taxable Income

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions or comments! 🙂

Standard Deduction vs Itemized Deductions, The Most Common Tax Questions in Your Thirties- Part 2

March 4, 2015 By in Money Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

It’s still tax time! If you finished your taxes already, kudos to you!

For everyone else, lets get some more questions answered..(and for the record, I haven’t finished mine either, so don’t worry).  🙂

Also, if you didn’t get to read Part 1 of Tax Questions Answered, click here.

I do my parents’ taxes every year and just finished their 2014 filing this weekend. However, I recently realized that even though they always take the standard deduction, I still spend time calculating their itemized charitable contributions- even though that particular type of contribution (charitable) doesn’t factor in on your taxes if you take the standard deduction.

If the paragraph above made no sense to you, let me clarify below. We’ll start with some terminology I feel like I should know all of this now that I’m thirty, but some of it I actually had to dig into a bit, so I’ll explain it pretty piecemeal here:

Gross Income= What you make in a year, including EVERYTHING, from Jan 1 to Dec 31 (you, of course, probably already know this one).

Adjusted Gross Income= Your taxable income after you subtract certain ADJUSTMENTS but before you subtract either the Standard Deduction or your Itemized Deductions (you can only subtract one or the other of those two types of deductions)).

Standard Deduction= An amount you can always subtract from the gross income you’ll be taxed on, as long as you don’t subtract your itemized deductions instead. The standard deduction for the 2014 tax year is:

  • Single or married filing separately: $6,300
  • Married filing jointly: $12,600
  • Head of household: $9,250

Itemized Deduction (not the standard deduction kind)= These are deductions you can take if you decide NOT to take the standard deduction. These include but aren’t limited to: medical and dental expenses that exceed 7.5% of your AGI (Adjusted Gross Income), property taxes, your state and local income or sales taxes, charitable donations you make, work related travel, union dues. 

So if you’re trying to decide whether to take the standard deduction or itemize your deductions, you want to basically choose whichever one is larger.

Here’s an example: Let’s say you’re unmarried with no children and make $50,000…And you can itemize these deductions:

  1. $1000 in work related unreimbursed travel
  2. $500 in medical expenses
  3. $400 in state and local taxes
  4. $100 in clothes donated to goodwill

This equals $2000 in Itemized donations. If you chose to itemize deductions, you’ll be taxed on $48,000 (50,000-$2000). If you took the standard deduction, you’ll be taxed on $43,700 ($50,000-$6,300). So you’d want to take the standard deduction for sure, because you want to be taxed on less income and pay less money 🙂

I’ll stop here for now, but hope this was somewhat helpful! Next time, I’ll talk about Adjustments and Credits, and how they can reduce your tax bill even further!

As always, please let me know if you have any questions or anything to add. Thanks!

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Birthdays That End in the Number 9

March 3, 2015 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

I recently read that we have a tendency to make big life decisions in the last year before we enter a new decade – basically in our 29th, 39th, 49th and onward birthday years. This was documented in a research paper in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences published in 2014.

Apparently and somewhat intuitively, right before we enter a new decade of life, we begin to contemplate how we can change our path forward. It’s our step-back, re-evaluation period of life. We want to find meaning in our lives as we head into another decade.

What was interesting about the study was that people either made positive life changes (choosing to run their first marathon) or quite drastically negative ones (committing suicide).

Here’s an article published in NY Mag that talks more specifically about the life changes people are drawn to during their end of decade year(s).

Did you make any big changes/goals when you turned 29 or 39? Personally, I had three major life changes. I decided to go to graduate school (though I did know I wanted to go before 30). I also got engaged soon after turning 30. And I knew I wanted to try living somewhere other than New York City, where I had spent my whole life.

How about you?

Happy Birthday Leap Year Day Baby!

March 2, 2015 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

Are you in your thirties but born February 29th? Then we want to say a very happy belated birthday to you, Leap Day Baby! How exciting that you’re in only 7 or 8 years old!

For those of us that know leap day babies, or are just curious about leap year (which wasn’t this year but will happen next year, here are some interesting leap year facts:

Leap year happens every 4 years and will next occur February 29, 2016.

Leap year occurs in February because February used to be the last month of the year.

Leap Day Babies got that nickname (as opposed to calling them Leap YEAR Babies) because the whole year is leap year. They were born ON Leap Day IN a Leap Year.

People born on February 29 are all invited to join The Honor society of Leap Year Day Babies.

Guinness Book of Records verifies a family with three consecutive generations born on February 29- the Keogh family. Peter Anthony was born in Ireland on February 29, 1940, his son Peter Eric was born on Leap Day in the United Kingdom in 1964. His daughter, Bethany Wealth, was born in the UK on February 29, 1996.

Julius Caesar introduced the leap year around 45 BC.

About 4 million people in the world have been born on a leap year.

 

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30 Is the Age of Candidacy to be a United States Senator

February 28, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: Leave a comment

Did you know that at age 30 you become officially able to run for US Senate? It’s a fact that makes me happy – that idea that this particular age is valued, for whatever arbitrary reason, for being an important turning point. And at age 35, you are able to run for President of the United States. There’s something I actually like about that – that by someones standards, I’m still growing into myself, into my maturity and wisdom.

Since I have no high level political ambitions (no higher than someday writing President Fitz’s lines for Scandal), it doesn’t bother me that I can’t run for President now. But, I do realize there are probably lots of very qualified candidates for both Senate and President who are under 30 and 35, respectively. And some folks have very strong opinions about this issue. This article The Right to Run in Slate made some solid points as to why we should be able to run for office at the same age we can vote.

“Here is a seldom discussed truth about our democracy: The citizenship enjoyed by American adults under the age of 35 is a second-class citizenship. We gain the right to participate fully in American democracy on our 35th birthdays, and not a day before. For on that day, provided all other requirements are met, we become constitutionally eligible to run for virtually all federal, state, and local offices, including the presidency. The fact that very few of us will ever exercise the right to run for any office is irrelevant to the milestone’s significance.” – Osita Nwanevu

After 35, what’s our next real age marker in American culture/government? I think it would be 62 for social security checks or 65 for Medicare? Am I missing any?

Are You Sick of Blue and Black, White and Gold? Or still fascinated?

February 27, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

In case you’ve been under a rock (and it happens to the best of us), there’s been a major viral sensation going on since Thursday night easily dubbed Dress-Gate. It nearly broke the internet. Or at least my Facebook feed.

Is the dress blue and black or white and gold?

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This debate divided the internet so fiercely last night that everyone from Mindy Kaling to Kanye West to Taylor Swift to top researchers on colorblindness from universities all over the world have weighed in…and everyone seems to disagree.

Some people even saw the dress change colors from white and gold to blue and black or vice versa right in front of their eyes! These people include my very own mother.

And my social media experience today consisted of comments like:

– “Am I on acid? This thing changed color!! Woh!!”

– “You are not on acid. The same thing happen to me. I saw the picture today at work it was gold and white, I looked at it again with my wife and it was gold to me and blue and black to her. Then we scrolled up the page and it changed colors colors back and fourth several times. Crazy”

Then today I received a phone call from my brother and I was shocked to hear him ask at the end of our conversation: “Oh yeah, blue and black or white and gold?” I had my response ready (I see blue and black). But man, if my brother, who could care less about colors of dresses, said he’d been “researching this fascinating phenomenon all morning,” then it really must have hit a nerve with everyone.

But why such fascination over a dress?

My guess is that not believing our eyes here is kind of equivalent to seeing a ghost. Or suddenly time traveling. Whether or not you believe in ghosts or time travel, if you haven’t experienced either of these things your entire life, and then suddenly do, it’s a major shock. Whether or not we consider ourselves “pretty open” human beings, by our thirties, we pretty much know the limits of our physical senses. So when we see or experience something we didn’t believe existed before, we kind of freak out.

In this case, we experienced something normal (viewing a photo of a dress) and then freaked out that our trusted friends or relatives seemed to see a completely different dress. BUT HOW CAN THAT BE??!

It’s now been proven that the dress is blue and black, whatever that means. The company that makes the dress said so themselves:

“We can confirm #TheDress is blue and black! We should know!” http://t.co/qAeIIHzJxkpic.twitter.com/kkxjUbmgI3

— Roman Originals (@romanoriginals) February 27, 2015

There have been various explanations for the differences in how the dress colors are viewed, but I have a feeling none of them are truly satisfying anyone right now. We’re still too busy being fascinated about our newfound five sense discoveries that can be had even later in life.

No matter what your age, stay open to new information still to be found out about your body and senses. Never assume you know everything about yourself. We’re probably not even close to discovering all that’s out there.

Though hopefully ghosts aren’t some of those things…

And if you’re interested in more info about Dress-gate, here are a few expert theories on the phenomenon:

“Your interpretation depends on several factors, such as which part of the figure you attend to.” -Dr. Joseph Toscano, Villanova University Department of Psychology and an expert in illusions.

“This photograph was probably taken on a phone camera and is very poorly exposed. It depends if your retina is interpreting this photo as over or under exposed, or more scientifically if your rods or cones are dominating the image interpretation.” -Dr. Reena A. Garg, an Assistant Professor of Ophthamology at the New York Eye and Ear Infirmary of Mount Sinai

“It can be slightly different in different individuals and the spectrum of wavelengths dedicated to any color could be slightly shifted in some people.” -Dr. Steven Galetta, the chair of the neurology department at NYU Langone Medical Center.

“I’ve studied individual differences in color vision for 30 years, and this is one of the biggest individual differences I’ve ever seen.” Jay Neitz, a color-vision researcher at the University of Washington in Seattle, told Wired.

“It has to do with the tiny cones in the back of our eyeballs that perceive colors in a slightly different way depending upon our genes,” -Elizabeth Cohen, CNN Senior Medical Correspondent.

Business Insider has even has a great way for you to see both color schemes. Check it out- it’s like  finally decoding one of those crazy optical illusions you couldn’t figure out as a kid.

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Loss Aversion and Switching Your Career in Your Thirties

February 26, 2015 By in Career Tags: , 1 Comment

Are you familiar with the phenomenon of loss aversion? Basically, it’s a proven psychological principle that people have a tendency to strongly prefer avoiding losses to acquiring gains. It’s been shown that the desire to avoid losses is nearly twice as strong as acquiring gains. This explains why people hold onto tanking stocks even though all indications say to “sell!” It’s also probably why we often get stuck in a fear based mindset as opposed to an abundance based one.

I was thinking about this idea today in terms of switching careers. I’m in a funny/ambivalent spot myself, because I’m pursuing screenwriting but I also crave stability and consistent growth, which I don’t think this career can give me. So I have been wondering lately – what’s stronger – my desire to keep pursuing dramatic writing OR my desire for stability and consistent career growth?

I started thinking about perhaps I’m afraid that by starting a new path – at almost 33 years old – I will have “wasted” all the time. Is this simply loss aversion coming into play?

This article, The Big Reason It Might Be Time To Quit Your Job has some enlightening statistics about people who switch their jobs. Only 23% of people said they could easily switch careers.

Do you think you could switch careers at this point in your life? What would be the factors you would consider? How much of a salary cut would you take?

Power Tripping in Your Thirties

February 26, 2015 By in Career Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Do you remember having a crazy boss when you were younger? Or being new to a job and feeling powerless and lost? Was there a time when you looked around at coworkers for advice and assistance?

I’ve been through this multiple times, because, as a self-employed individual, my jobs are always revolving. I’ve been in “management” positions, team positions, and semi-employee positions. I remember being new to jobs and looking up to fellow coworkers for advice. Sometimes I knew that I should ask questions and felt too timid. Other times I was possibly too loud while feeling things out.

I see the power shifting of job positions all the time. It’s especially interesting in my field because someone who was the “manager” yesterday could simply be part of the team today. Leaders become followers become leaders all the time where I work. I find it’s very important to both be able to take direction as a “team member” and also to stay humble in leadership positions.

But I see power being abused all the time by people in leadership positions. People roll their eyes when ‘newbies’ make mistakes. People boss others around when there are way better ways to communicate. It’s easy to forget what it’s like to be new to a job and extremely confused.

Perhaps you’re in a leadership position at your job now that you’re in your thirties. Maybe you’re at the top of a ladder you climbed all throughout your twenties- an expert in your field. Try to remember what it was like when you were at the very beginning of your career climb. Keep your roots close to your heart.

Of course, I’ve also seen ‘new’ people disrespect those in authority, or not be able to take direction well. And of course, that doesn’t help them gain any favors from those in power.

However, once you climb close to the top, stay humble and simply empathize and help those around you with their own climb. Try not to power trip even though it may feel good to do so. Know that one day those ‘newbies’ you now have power over may end up in a position of power above you.

I've done some really wild gigs that would've been a lot harder if I had a power tripping manager on my case...

I’ve had some really wild gigs that would’ve been a lot harder if I had a power tripping manager on my case…

A Sweet Compromise

February 25, 2015 By in Grab Bag 4 Comments

I’ve always been a dog person. Ever since I can remember, I’ve dreamed of having a dog and having that solid, cuddly companionship. But I grew up in Manhattan, and my parents told me that it would be unfair to have a dog in a small apartment with two adults who had full-time jobs. They were right. My dad ended up hooking me up with dog walking gigs in the building.

Now that I’m in my thirties, I feel like I can give myself those things I so desperately wanted as a child. Since I moved to California about a year and a half, I’ve been pressuring my fiancé for a dog. He’s been the voice of reason (amen), and we’ve avoided getting one because he’s mildly allergic AND our apartment is a one-bedroom. Even though we’re in California, our space is Brooklyn-sized.

So we decided a that fostering would be a sweet compromise. We ended up fostering a sweet pooch who I picked up yesterday. Meet Chase. Two month old German Shepard mix, who was picked up roaming the streets of Palmdale, California, hungry and dehydrated.

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I’m writing with a sleepy brain now, because I’ve been on high alert all day, making sure this small animal is safe and sound. I’ve been on bathroom duty all day, and I’m pooped (pun intended!).

Taking care of a puppy is TOUGH – I definitely underestimated how tough it is. OY.

But at least now my childhood dream is somewhat realized. I’ve had a dog for a full twenty-four hours!

What did you want a child that you’d like to give yourself as a bona-fide “grown-up”?

The Occasional Inspiration of Social Media

February 24, 2015 By in Friendships Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I wrote a bit about social media and how it can get you down in my post “That Time You Hated Positivity in Your Thirties.”

Sometimes I attempt to take breaks from Facebook (this is hard) because it can occasionally get me down. Seeing too many selfies on my Newsfeed can be the emotional equivalent to eating handfuls of Doritos…I just feel kind of queasy afterwards. Workout selfies especially bother me- they just feel icky somehow.. exceptionally self-involved…and I even enjoy working out.

In my thirties, I am now super aware of the time suck that can be social media. As powerful a tool as social media can be, it can also be the junk food of our adult lives. I’ve had Facebook as a part of my days during all of my twenties, and have regretted countless addicted hours spent there. :p

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But to each their own. I understand that some people want to take pictures of themselves sweating off their weight in the gym. And other people love to “#hashtagblessed” everything that happens in their lives. And sometimes when I’m shaking in -6 degree weather, I hate that people love to post dozens of photos of their tropical vacations. However, I know that I post a lot of travel updates, and sometimes a bunch of happy warm weather trips too, and am possibly annoying a bunch of acquaintances accidentally. I know I can’t censor everything I want to say for fear it’ll upset someone- EVERYTHING will upset SOMEONE.

Also, since I can easily block annoying posts from my feed, I’m usually quiet about them. I’m only writing about them here because this is my blog, and I feel like I can secretly tell you about all the things that bother me :p

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But I’ll also tell you about the social media posts that don’t bother me. My friend Tiffanay posts a lot of inspirational quotes that never seem to drip with phony positivity. They always ring extremely genuine and honest. It’s hard to put my finger on why they inspire me. Maybe it’s because I know her and I know how honest and genuine she is personally. But her Facebook posts always make me feel peaceful inside and calm me down.

I’ll copy a few here. Let me know what you think. Do you get annoyed by social media? Or do you have a passion for it?

And thanks, Tiffanay!

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