The Beauty of An Orlando Parking Lot Run

Even though two nights ago I literally got zero hours of sleep, I decided to go for a run tonight. “I’m in Orlando,” I thought, “I can finally run outside.” Since I’d had to wake up at 4:30am for the flight to Orlando, I figured I might as well get a little ‘Orlando time’ in. After all, I’d been working inside an Orlando convention hall for 11 hour days, two days in a row. The outside world had to be better than that.

But it wasn’t. The second I was outside, I ran into what amounted to a giant parking lot lined with stores and hotels. There wasn’t really anywhere to run that didn’t put me onto a highway or into the sides of parked cars.

So I decided to move in a circle. “That’s Orlando for you,” I thought, picking up my pace. My first racing loop was around 8 minutes, and I wanted to run for at least 30. So I began a second loop. I found a side road that was maybe almost a sidewalk which ended eventually but added depth to my loop.

It was dark outside but still warm and a light misty rain began to fall. It felt really good to be outside. I ran past dim windows with people playing pool, a Hooters with staff hovering by the cash register, a Disney Gift shop, a ‘supermarket’ that mainly sold soda and beer. I ran past our cheap Comfort Inn pool- which had a waterslide that was built into a fake rock. “This is really the Orlando experience,” I thought. And I laughed, and I ran. And a light, sticky happiness filled me up inside.

I felt happy to be in the heat, in the misty rain, listening to my Spotify Discover Weekly, running by the side of the road, past a Denny’s and a Cici’s pizza. I felt happy to breeze by the window of a tacky Irish Pub with not one, but two Cornhole games outside. I felt happy to be outside in Orlando, past another one of its lit up fountains, in all the glorious tackiness which I usually roll my eyes at.

I don’t know why a smile hovered on my lips instead of a breeze of complaints. I don’t know how that Orlando parking lot remained beautiful for the dusky fade of a half hour. Who knows. But I guess that happens sometimes. It happens.





Just Because the Outside is Green doesn’t Mean the Inside Isn’t Ripe (Or, Those Deceptive Bananas)

Do you ever feel like you’ve made a ton of progress in an area, and then time goes by and maybe some tragic moments occur in your life and you forget all that progress ever occurred? You can’t remember what it felt like to feel accomplished in that area. You feel like you must have completely backtracked. No matter how hard you try, you’re not sure you can get back to the place where you once were. Everything feels ungraspable and transient.

I was handling some green bananas on my windowsill this morning, and was struck by  progression happening even when it can’t be seen or felt. Let me clarify. The bananas had been sitting on the windowsill for a few days, and I had bought them very green to begin with. Yet their color hadn’t changed- it was still the same off-putting green I had seen originally in the grocery store. I don’t know what was defective about the bananas’ coloring, if anything, but when I picked one up, it was soft. And when I peeled and ate a green banana this morning it was perfectly ripe and sweet on the inside.

I’ve been at a bit of a spiritual loss lately. There was a death in my family, and I recently went through a break up, and there’s been a lot of holiday rushing around. I’ve just felt confused and a bit off-center. I’ve meditated almost every day, but I still don’t feel back to center for whatever reason. I’ve tried to accept the uncertain and off-center feelings rushing through me, and let them run their course, and that is as always a difficult thing to do. I like to feel happy all the time, as you do, certainly. But I know that it’s normal for other feelings to come into play, and I try not to block them or push them down. Still…it’s hard not to ask questions like: ‘am I spiritually going backwards?’ ‘Am I losing all of the progress I’ve made?’ ‘Will I ever feel centered again?’ ‘Will I ever feel grounded again?’

I look at the perfectly ripe green banana in front of me and observe that progress occurs naturally underneath an exterior that can seem stuck in a rut. Sometimes you just have to trust that somewhere deep inside, things are working themselves out.



How To Never Grow Old in Your 30’s (Or, This is Really About Eye Creams)

If you ever read our post at OMGIm30 “If You’re in Your 30s, You’re Not Old,” you’d know that we believe that the 30’s are an extremely youthful decade and nothing to get down about.

So if you’re worried about being old, we’ve got your back, and don’t want you to worry. That said, we might as well all take precautions about getting old LATER in life as we can. (Though, honestly, there is no LATER…I know 60 something and 80 something year olds who are still quite young. And when you meet people like that, you’ll know that it really is an attitude…a youthful glow.)

But if you’re worried now about the physical aspects of getting old as well as preventing aging skin, I want to bring up one expensive adult purchase that I’ve really gotten into in my 30’s: eye cream.

Eye creams can prevent and/or solve many issues associated with aging skin. These are: dark circles under the eyes (too much adulting? Or let’s be honest…partying?), puffiness (a really good cry? adulting again?), or eye wrinkles (darn smiling for more than 30 years).

And ya see, I’m a big smiler. I smile for work. I smile when I’m off of work. I smile way too much- because when I don’t I have Resting Bitch Face. So I think I’ve accidentally trained myself not to stop smiling. This constant smiling can cause lines around my eyes, which is something I’d like to prevent in my youthful 30s decade. So I’ve gotten into eye cream- something I’ve always put on my “Ridiculously Way Too Expensive” list in my 20’s, but now have put on my “It’s My Damn Face So It’s Worth It!” list in my 30s.

Also, eye creams aren’t always as expensive as you think. We found an amazing page on that has a list of eye creams with natural ingredients, from the very expensive to very affordable. Here’s the link to find the best eye cream for you. This list is great, as these eye creams have all been tested and compared and are highly recommended by multiple dermatologists and a ton of skincare research. I’m personally making my way through this list, though before I found it, the eye cream I’ve liked is Shiseido. Now I’m using Biossance from Sephora, which is amazing and really new. It hits the spot with my puffy eyes (I’m a stomach sleeper), plus smile-caused eye-crinkles.

I like how this list eliminates eye creams with questionable ingredients or packaging- I definitely lean towards putting more natural ingredients on my face. The eye cream research really narrows the eye cream list and divides the creams according to their perks (dark circles, wrinkle prevention, or puffiness).

We’ll have more recommendations for anti-aging as we go— and it’s not all products. Attitude, quality sleep, stress reduction, eating well, and more all contribute to youth well into your 90s! So enjoy your 30s, try some eye creams if you like, and stop saying you’re old for goodness sake!



Do You Know What a Jizo Statue Is?

A few weeks ago, a package arrived in the mail from a friend. It was a small box that was surprisingly heavy. The return address on the package said it was from The Monastery Store in Mt. Tremper, New York. Hmm. I knew a friend was mailing me a package as she had told me to be expecting something…but what was this?

When I opened the box, I discovered a small cast iron Buddha looking statue. What was this thing, I thought? A Buddha to pray with?

The packaging slip included described this little guy as “3” Cast Iron Jizo.” Okaaay. Who is that? (Sounds a little naughty too, but ahem, I digress…).

Before calling my friend to thank her for her gift, I did a little research. (Didn’t want to be completely Jizo ignorant.) So, apparently a Jizo is a Bodhisattva (Japanese Buddhist god) who plays the role as a protector of children and unborn children who died before their parents.

From Jizo Statues: The Japanese Statues Giving Closure To Women Who Have Miscarried:

“The statues are believed to be protectors of children and unborn babies in traditional Japanese Buddhist teachings. It is believed that as the babies did not have the chance to build up good karma on earth, Jizo helps smuggle the children into the afterlife in the sleeves of his robe.”

Many women who have experienced miscarriages put them in their homes as a remembrance of their unborn child. (The Japanese Art of Grieving a Miscarriage.)

But Jizo is more than that. As The Monastery Store describes on their website: “Small, yet fierce as a mother protecting her child, Jizo Bodhisattva–Ksitigarbha, or “Earth Womb”–aids all those in the six worlds of existence who need relief from suffering.”

I hadn’t experienced a miscarriage, but I have had a rough year. When that package arrived in the mail, I’d been feeling lost, unsettled and uncertain of everything for awhile, on and off. My friend, so kindly, wanted to give me a little peace.

I put my Jizo on my bedside table, where she (he? I don’t know, but I like to think of her as a woman) watches over me and provides me comfort. I do feel a small sense of relief when I look over at the statue before I go to bed and wake up in the morning.


How It Can Be Hard To Do The Work You Love

Lately I’ve been thinking about how I get stuck when it comes to buckling down and writing my scripts. I love writing characters and dialogue, and getting absorbed in another world. It’s meditation for me. But despite that, I haven’t been writing much at all lately. I’ve been outlining a new project, and while it’s technically work, it’s not the actual page writing that I love so much.

Why? I guess I’m just waiting for that super inspired feeling that often helps me produce my best work. I’ve associated that ‘high’ feeling with starting to write. And I’m at a place in my life where so much is going on that I just want to feel good lately. I’m all about the cozy, hygge life.

But I’ll never get the work done if I’m all about hygge! So, the thing is, I’ve got to up my writing game, which may mean being uncomfortable or suffering a little. And just the other day I read that the German word for passion is “leidenschaft.” And the non-literal translation means suffering – suffering for your passion.

This post explains it well:

When (not literally) translated, “Leidenschaft” means “passion,” meaning that the word in German carries a heavier load than its English counterpart. In English, you are always encouraged to follow your passion, as it will bring you the most happiness as opposed to following the more material, tangible, and fleeting things of life, such as status, money, or fame. Passion, in the long run, conveys a feeling of achievement and joy in the English language. However, in German, there seems to be a more realistic outlook to the word; if you are passionate about something, you will have to suffer to achieve whatever you are passionate about, akin to the English saying of “no pain, no gain.”

So raise a glass to suffering a little! In the name of art, of course.


You Have To Play to Win! (Not a Lottery Ad)

There have been a lot of moments lately where I’ve felt like giving up something that I was previously excited about. You may relate- this is fairly common:

Step 1: You think up a great idea for a project, or for some new undertaking- a lifestyle change, a new diet, a new job, a new attitude.

Step 2: You begin this challenge with gusto and verve, ready to go.

Step 3: Progress is fast and furious- you’ve really got something going. What a good idea you have! Go you!

Step 4: Progress halts. Movement is tough. Are you moving backwards?

Step 5: Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe you aren’t the one for the job.

Possibly distraction moves in. Another task takes the place of this new creation. Scrolling Instagram for hours seems like a great idea. Netflix calls loudly. Procrastination ensues, followed by giving up.

BUT: if you quit the game before you’ve played, can you win?

Last month I decided to create a bunch of Budget Planners. I began to sell these budget planners on Amazon, and none really sold. I immediately got discouraged, and stopped making planners entirely for a short while- leaving my project half completed.

Facebook feeds were scrolled. A lot of email got deleted. But then, in a sudden burst of clarity, it became apparent to me that I had to play to win. And I hadn’t really played- I had only started. Even if my books aren’t successful, the steps to playing are clear: continue even when a downward dip sets in. Making the creation that does well isn’t the end game. Putting more out there is the end game. Continuing is the end game. Growing is the end game. And that’s the trick that keeps me playing. If my books do well, great. If not, back in the game. Even if they do well- back in the game. The game continues on. There are many more projects/creations/jobs/mentalities/habits/endeavors/people to play with. And there are many more downward dips ahead- but that’s normal. There are also uphill catapults!

Don’t stop!



The 2 Minute Swim (or How I Learned to Run)

Sometimes I like to brag that I’ve run a half marathon.

This is only half true. I haven’t run a “real one”- one that was timed and had a medal and a finish line and all of that exciting gold stuff, but I’ve run a half marathon on a treadmill. I took pictures of my mileage. As evidence. Okay, maybe that’s not even impressive at all. Whatever. But I did it.

So I can run. I run a lot, sometimes 4-5 times a week, with 30 minutes of running being my bare minimum for a workout with running.

I really like running, actually.

However, during my first running workout- excluding gym class in grade school- I didn’t even run for THREE MINUTES. I’d never run as a workout before because I didn’t really do any kind of workout before. I thought exercise was against the nature of my body. This really meant that I gave up on my running career before it started in order to pursue my fated path of couch potato extraordinaire. Alas, it was not to be.

The first time I whimsically decided to work out, I told myself I would only run for two minutes…and I barely made it! When I got to one minute and 30 seconds, I almost had to stop. But I kept going, and made it to two minutes, and then turned off the treadmill and walked away. For the next few days, I did the same thing: two minutes of running and then walking away. After that, I upped my challenge to three minutes for a week or so, and then to 5!

Suddenly, I was running for 5 minutes straight, and then 10! It probably took me a few months to get to 30 steady minutes of running, but everything came from that first 2 minute run! My success really boiled down to allowing myself to change only 2 minutes of my life.

When I jumped in a pool last month at an Orlando hotel, I tried to swim a bunch of laps, and quickly got exhausted after maybe a quarter of one. I haven’t really tried to swim in years. Actually, I’ve never really swam laps- maybe once. I don’t really know how to swim, for that matter.

And as I took a choking, water-tinged breath in the Olympic sized pool, a vision of my first 2 minute run from long ago popped into my head. I allowed myself some mercy. “Just 2 minutes of laps today!” was my mantra, as I swam a wholehearted 6 feet or so and then gasped for air. But I went back under and swam my 2 minutes- and then another 2, and then another. I don’t know if you’d really call my swimming “laps” or “skilled” for that matter. But there was movement.

And sometimes a little movement is all you need.

How To Never Get Bored In Your Thirties

I’m almost never bored. I feel like there’s always something new to do, and a multitude of things that I’ve been wanting to get to. Sometimes I think I might be bored for a second, but then I realize I’m just not thinking about all the activities and projects and entertainment I want to play around with. Boredom is likely a symptom of poor planning. If you set yourself up to catch boredom in it’s tracks, you can either use the extra time for easygoing, contemplative moments, or put the time towards something you’ve been wanting to do anyway.

Start a list and write down a bunch of things you’d really like to do but never seem to have time for. My list includes:

  • Watch YouTube Videos on new hairstyle/makeup ideas
  • Practice singing (the word practice can easily be replaced by the word ‘start’)
  • Get out that dusty paint set and finally paint!
  • Organize Retirement Account
  • Rush a Broadway show
  • Study Turbo Tax for self-employed individuals so you can fire accountant and do your taxes yourself (hopefully my accountant does not read this blog).
  • Relearn Italian
  • Journal (I have many prompts for this, though freestyle works too)
  • Cook a new recipe from my huge and glorious vegan cookbook
  • Watch tutorials on basic Photoshop techniques

There are many more items on this list. When I’m done with my original To Do list (I’m somewhat of a to do list-aholic) I can look at my long term list and there’s always something big and/or interesting I can be doing that doesn’t include browsing Facebook or Instagram for hours (which does happen and is almost never happy-making).

Here are some other suggestions for stopping listless boredom in its tracks, effortlessly:

  • Start a list of tv shows/movies you want to watch that are currently streaming. When you’re bored, begin!
  • Make a list of people you’ve been wanting to call more regularly and finally call them! You have time!
  • Make a list of books you want to read…and finally start reading them!
  • Start a list of pampering moments you can give to yourself (face masks, hair masks, bath time, anything goes!)

I use and am obsessed with Wunderlist for all my to do list needs… this blog isn’t specifically affiliated with them in any way although I wish it was.

Here’s to never being bored again!









One Reason Being In Your Thirties Can Feel So Lonely

I’m 35, and most of my oldest friends are married without kids or with kids and/or have successful careers, or simply are content being single with a forward moving career. Most of them are pretty settled in one way or another, feeling good and grateful for where they are in their lives. They know it’s damn tough and they’ve come a long ass way to be where they are. And their lives are certainly not without struggle, be it infertility, health issues, etc. But, they’re happy to have made inroads into whatever they set out to do. And that’s awesome. It’s really inspiring seeing your friends raise kids, embark on new, challenging career goals or start a business. I’m not jealous; I know we all have unique paths to follow.

Once there was a broader path we were all on. But now the path is narrowing and more lonely than ever. Here’s the thing I’ve been thinking about. I’ve been depressed lately, and I have been remembering that I felt this same combination of ‘lost and scared’ intermittently throughout high school and college – this bleak feeling of dissociation. But what ALWAYS made it better was having friends with whom I could relate. Because in high school and college, we all felt similarly. At least I think we did.

Some of my favorite moments of high school were spent sprawled in the aisles of Barnes & Noble (which some called Barnes & Nobles – which always made me feel silly and happy), with a stack of career books and an assortment of US Weeklies and random crap, talking about our futures and all the possibilities ahead. We were blank slates, eager and excited, and all the nervousness of uncertainty was mitigated by each other’s company. When you realize you’re not alone, a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders.

At 35, I don’t have lots of friends to sit with in B & N and kvetch about life and how uncertain everything seems. I have about 2 of those friends, and they’re back home in NYC. I’m grateful for them, because we can email and talk about life and how we feel (and sometimes I can’t even email them back because I am feeling too low). But still — the number of us who are uncertain and scared, keeps dwindling. I guess that’s good, right? That’s a phase we should be past, perhaps? But…

It can make you feel alone. To feel like everyone has got at least one anchor in their life at this point, and you don’t. It doesn’t mean I’m not grateful to be alive and striving but still.

Sometimes I wish I was back in high school, in those aisles of Barnes & Nobles, with my vanilla steamer and my best friend, uncertain but hopeful about where our lives would take us, but pretty damn confident it would be somewhere awesome.

Is Unrequited Love Really Love?

Most of us have felt it. That horrible, gut-wrenching feeling, where we love someone who doesn’t love us back. Some of us have even been in full blown relationships where unrequited love has reared its head. What I’m wondering is: Is this ridiculously maddening kind of unrequited love actually love?

There’s a lot of debate on this subject (google it), but here’s my hunch: it depends. Whether your unrequited love is actually love depends on how well you  know the person you’re deeply in love with- not just how long you have known them for or how much you’ve heard about them, but how much you truly know about who they really are.

When unrequited love occurs in situations where you only know a person on the surface or haven’t known the person for very long, it’s usually not love, but lust or attraction.

A counter thought to this that is more of a paradox: if you feel deep love for someone who does not love you back but you feel joyful simply loving them without receiving their love in return, this is true unconditional love. In this case, the type of love where you feel pain from not having love in return is actually not love, but attachment. Therefore a type of love needing no love in return wouldn’t truly ever be unrequited love because it wouldn’t need to ever be requited. In fact, the object of your love wouldn’t even need to know that you love them for you to reap the benefits of this love. You could simply let the love blossom within yourself and enjoy all its benefits on your own.



October Fools Month

We turned 3! This blog is officially 3 years old as of October 2nd- my birthday. I turned 33 and the blog turned 3. Lots of 3s going on right now. Which I feel is appropriate for a blog about your 30’s.

In honor of our 3rd year, Jane and I had a discussion about the purpose of the blog and some new things we want to try and play with. So October is kind of going to be April Fools Day – or April Fools Month, really. We’re not going to prank you- necessarily- we’re just going to experiment with different and possibly weird styles and topics.

Some of the changes may be unnoticeable, and some may be out there. Some posts may have exactly the same topics and tones as before. We honestly don’t know exactly what will happen. But we’ve turned off the comments for now so that we can feel as free as possible to bring you our deepest and strangest thoughts and desires without censorship 😉

And this will likely extend throughout November and December as well, so it’ll be more like October Fools Month times 3! But we’re excited to play around and hopefully you’ll like it and will be inspired to try new things too!

For those of you who’ve been with us for all three years, thank you so much! And for those new to following OMGImThirty, we thank you so much for following us and hope you’re having fun!


Rebirth! How Beginning Something Can Feel Like Labor Pain

When I first start something uncomfortably new, I have major resistance to it. And not just slight, nervous resistance. Sometimes my body wages an all out down and dirty guns blazing battle to stay the way it was before.

This can manifest as anything from a mild depression to serious nausea or absolute panic. When these kinds of intense feelings arise, I’m easily sidetracked by the feelings and may not even realize they’re arising from the new activity or habit. I simply start dedicating all my mental space to “solving” the bad feeling(s),  instead of working on the new habit- which is precisely what my fear is trying to trick me into doing.

A bunch of alarm bells go off in my mind. When I finally trace the uncomfortable feelings to the new habit, I of course want to quit my new habit and go back to the old way I was doing things. Sometimes quitting a new thing is the right choice- the new habit may not be right for you, or it may not be the right time in your life for that challenge. Other times, staying the course just a little longer allows the feelings to pass and enables you to grow more than you ever thought possible. The hardest trick of all is to know when to continue and when to quit.

When I first started tracking every dollar I spent, using the app Goodbudget (Which I talk about in detail here, I felt vaguely nauseous every day. I felt this unreasonable, irrational panic for what I thought was no reason. I couldn’t figure it out. I’m not the type of person to get panicked or anxious for no reason, so I tried to track down the source of these feelings, and would you believe it took me more than a week to figure out it was my little money app??

So I’m walking around with these unreasonable feelings of depression and nausea and I can’t figure out where they’re coming from until one day I realize they’re stemming from fear and guilt as I write down where I’m spending my money! Once I realized that the panic was coming from my new money habit, I was able to actually relax a bit, the feelings slowly subsided, and now I have zero panic about using Goodbudget to track my spending. Instead, tracking my spending makes me feel empowered, and I’ve been tracking money for over a year now.

There’s a huge range of new habits that can trigger what I called “Labor pains” in the title -since you’re birthing what’s essentially a new version of you into the world. I’ve never been in labor personally so for the sake of experience, I’m going to call these pains growing pains from here on out. Some likely candidates for growing pains (and what have triggered them for me) include a change in exercise habits, dietary habits, spending habits, a relationship or a relationship status, a job or within a job. Also, tracking or attempting to become aware of any personal habits can possibly trigger new growing pains- so journaling or meditating or getting a Fitbit or going to therapy or seeing a new doctor or opening up to someone for the first time may cause strange new feelings to arise- and these feelings can occasionally be confusing or painful or uncomfortable.

It’s up to you to decide whether you want or need to push through these feelings and find out if there’s growth on the other side. It’s a hard call and I respect you immensely whether you take on the challenge or make the conscious decision that it’s not the right new step for you right now.  These kinds of growth challenges in our thirties aren’t at all simple.

I guess that’s why they call this adulthood, kids.




Are you satisfied?

One of my friends from film school was recently telling me about having lunch with one of our esteemed professors from UCLA. This professor is an amazing, kind-hearted man who’s beloved by his community. He turned 80 years old last year and still teaches two classes in the Masters film program. I’d say his name here, but I feel weird about it, since I haven’t asked him if I can talk about him on this blog. (Though, I am sure he would be happy for me to share this.)

I took two classes with him while I was in school, and he talked a lot about what success and satisfaction look like for his students – aspiring directors, writers, and producers in the MFA program.

The other day, my friend reminded me of something this professor said about life satisfaction that I wanted to share here. Basically, the level of your satisfaction in life equals reality over expectations. So, essentially, you’ll be more satisfied with your life if you’re happy with your reality and don’t have expectations that you have no control over.

This equation reminds me of a fortune cookie quote I got in college –  “Expectations reduce joy.” It’s hard not to have expectations because as human beings, I think we’re hard-wired to go into most situations with a desired outcome. But if we can just focus on the actual process of doing things and being in the present with the people around us, maybe we won’t think about our expectations of outcomes so much.

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Panic In Your Thirties!

Have you heard of that band, “Panic at the Disco”? Well, I keep thinking of their name lately and how I feel panic in my thirties! 

I remember reading an article on Jezebel about how the thirties are your ‘do-or-die decade’ and that idea has always stuck with me. The gist of the article is that the thirties are your time of life when the stakes are so much higher – that what you do in your thirties will set the stage for how the rest of your life might look.

But no pressure, people.

Ha. A lot of pressure actually. For me though, the pressure for me has morphed into panic. I’m 35, and I feel like I’ve made no serious inroads in my career and I have no kids – two things in my life I really want.  Obviously, it comes and goes and isn’t a permanent state of being.

However, there is a big problem with panic. See definition below.

Sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior.

“Wildly unthinking behavior.” Yes. Been there, done that. But that’s a whole ‘nother post.

So what’s the answer? Well, I can’t say I’ve figured it out yet. But I did read something in my weekly horoscope by Chani Nicholas (best horoscopes ever, btw), and it resonated perfectly for the subject of this post. So here ya go:

“Pause instead of panicking.”

Love it. Slowing down always helps me.


You Don’t Have to Do What Everybody Else Does In Your Thirties

I guess it’s human nature to want to do what’s cool. It’s also human nature to want to feel included. And to figure out what’s best and then go and get it. To get all there is to get out of life. Conquer the world and have it all, you amazing thirty-something you!

As you may have discovered, “having it all” in your thirties, though the cool thing to have, includes a whole lot of things. And a whole lot of expectations. And the word “cool”itself is an extremely loaded word. Sometimes it’s even cool to be “uncool” (let these words play in your head for a moment and see what images of coolness they conjure: hipsters, stoics, romantics, math geeks, solo travelers, basket-weaving majors, parents… Simply labels, but the coolness levels will vary very much depending on who’s reading this.)

Because the thirties are such a loaded decade, we may tend to feel like life failures if we haven’t figured out all the things already. After all, it’s “cool” in your thirties to have figured out your career. Very cool to be financially stable. So cool it’s obvious to get married. To have kids. To buy a house. There are “everybody’s doing it you’renotwhynotwhat’swrongwithyou??” expectations here. Just because you or someone you know defies these expectations doesn’t mean the rules aren’t there.

After all, weren’t our twenties the decade where we figured out who we were? That’s over, that’s done. We already explored all our life choices in our twenties so we now get it together in our thirties. Wrap it up, people! Exploration’s over! The thirties are the decade where you have your shit together already! Right? Right??

Are we excelling in our career? Are we finally married? Do we finally have an adorable baby? Are we able to travel the world? Are we financially independent? Are we pursuing our dreams? Are we in a beautiful home? Do we have a perfectly fit and strong body? Are our morning and night routines down to a beautiful harmonious rhythm? Jeez, there are a lot of expectations in our thirties.

Sometimes I feel better when I cut out the expectations and the chatter. Because I’m allowed to let all of that go. Really, I am. And you are too.


Realize that you don’t have to do what other people are doing. You don’t have to do what you always thought you would do in your thirties. You don’t have to rush to accomplish a goal that other people expect you to achieve but you maybe don’t believe in or feel like doing yet. You don’t have to feel bad because other people are doing things you thought you would be doing. Or if you are doing a bunch of ‘societally expected’ things and are surrounded by people who aren’t, that’s okay too! You’re where you are and that’s where you should be. You can let it all go. Really. Truly.

Sometimes I realize that I’m asking everyone for opinions on my life and calling it “venting,” when really I’m chattering on as a nervous excuse to continue a negative thought pattern again and again.  I ask friends for opinions on my life and then I worry about disappointing them if I haven’t followed their advice. Which sometimes changes anyway. Sometimes, it’s great to vent, and venting in itself can be very healthy. But venting negativity needs to be evaluated on a case by case basis. I have to know when I’m venting for a fantastic release or when I’m venting to reinforce my own bad feelings again and again and again.

I’ve also found that sometimes I need to stop and center myself to think about what I really want. Do I really want to make a ton of money by climbing up a corporate ladder, or am I simply envious of some of my friends who are doing that? Do I really like being super busy, or is it just “cool” to be busy? Do I actually want to travel all the time, or am I simply surrounded by people who love to travel all the time? Do I want to be married because I’m 32 and it’s ‘getting to be about that time already jeeeeeez!!’ or do I want to be married because I’ve found a person I love and actually want to spend the rest of my life with? Once I see cultural expectations for what they are, they’re easier to spot and release. It’s always a case by case basis- some expectations are things that truly make my heart sing. While others- come to think of it- don’t increase my happiness at all.

It’s an amazing release to let go of what you “should” do. And gradually, but also suddenly, what you should do becomes strikingly clear anyway.




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