I’m getting close to the finish line of pregnancy (AHH!), and I thought I’d share some of what I’ve experienced so far as a first-time pre-mom (It’s hard for me to call myself a mom yet, since I don’t feel like I’m inhabiting the role when the little guy isn’t out of my womb yet…).

Pregnancy has been more of an education than I ever expected. I’m learning so much about the human body, health care politics, cultural differences in pregnancy and so much more. It’s been an all-around education; it feels like I’m getting a Masters degree in human life.

Here are some of the more surprising things I’ve learned:

— Babies cry in the womb. Scientists have even seen them making that little lower lip quiver. Is that insane or what? Who would have thought?

— Reading the master book on hypno-birthing has been the best thing I’ve done to calm my fears and my anxious brain about labor and delivery. Basically, the idea is that self-hypnosis can help relieve much of the pain of childbirth without drugs. Simply reading the book has been such an amazing experience, mainly because it’s all about how birth can be more of a spiritual journey, rather than a painful, dreaded “event to get through.” While I’m not doing a full hypno-birthing by any stretch (epidural please!), just reading the book has proved to be very calming.

— Maybe women don’t really need to “push” to get their babies out. I feel like a looney-toon even writing that sentence because it goes against everything I’ve learned about pregnancy, but according to what I’ve read in the hypno-birthing book, most babies would naturally make their way out, if allowed to by medical professionals. One of the pieces of evidence to go along with this is that women in comas have given birth.

— I’ve become more of a mama-bear than ever before. I stand up for myself a lot more. And sometimes in strange ways (like doggedly pursuing the contact information for the CEO of Human Touch, a massage chair company whose customer service department won’t help us get our damn chair fixed. It’s been two months and my husband has a bad back.)

— Along those lines, I trust myself and my education and choices about my pregnancy and birth. I’ve chosen to drink the occasional glass of wine during pregnancy and I’ve come to not care what other people think about that choice.

— C-section rates are pretty high across the board but I was shocked to learn that in Brazil and 50% of all births are by cesarean.

— I’m thinking about a mid-life career addition/shift and apparently, this is very common among new moms/pregnant ladies, according to my therapist.

— Fetuses can use up much of your calcium, and if you don’t get enough of this vital nutrient via your diet or supplements, you can possibly end up with lots of cavities because the baby is sucking up calcium from your teeth!

— The US government states that your health insurance has to cover breast pumps for new moms (be it a rental unit or a new one).

There’s so much more that I’ve learned, but these are some of the most surprising discoveries.

I hope to share my own labor and delivery story once the big day happens!

I’m nearly 6 months pregnant, and while I’m more excited and physically comfortable now than I was during the first 3 months, there’s still a feeling of loneliness and fear that’s been pervasive the whole time. To feel alone during one of the most universal of life journeys is an odd feeling.

I know this is not many women’s experience. They have close friends with infants and toddlers who live nearby, or they live near a mother, mother-in-law or sister who can offer guidance. Or, they just generally have more friends with children.

I don’t have any family in Los Angeles, and most of my friends here are writers and filmmakers who don’t have children.  I mention they are writers/filmmakers only because many of my artist friends have had to make the choice of their art over having a  family. Children are expensive and time-consuming. Most of us have day jobs with salaries that leave us living paycheck to paycheck. Also, being a writer demands a lot of you; not only your time, but your mental space and kids take up a ton of mental space.

So, I find myself sometimes dreaming of venting over a mocktail (more on that word later) to a pregnant friend about everything – not just the good, but the fears, anxieties, stress and not to mention, the constipation, heartburn, you name it…

And speaking of mocktails…oh my, how I miss a stiff cocktail. Especially one in an icy glass with something citrusy and vodka. It doesn’t help that I unabashedly love drinking. The whole bar experience is one I love and miss tremendously. Of course, I still often find myself at bars, for events, birthdays, etc., but I get the special pleasure of watching other people drink while I try to trick my brain into thinking my seltzer water with a lime is doing the trick (It’s not doing the trick). One friend who struggled with drinking told me that he drinks tonic water with ice because the flavor somehow fool his brain into thinking it’s alcohol. Well, my brain is not easily fooled, thank you very much. I wish I had one pregnant friend who could come with me to a bar and we could bitterly commiserate over our ‘mocktails.’ Also, the word ‘mocktail’ – ugh. They’re aptly named as they just mock me with their non-alcohol, high calorie nutritional nothingness.

I’ll pause right here to say – I have great friends – and for that, I feel extremely lucky and grateful. But it would be nice to talk about it all at length – to speak about the experience as it’s happening and hear that experience validated and understood.

I have one close friend who has a son who’s closer to 8 years old, and a friend who just gave birth (which I am grateful for!). But the friend who just gave birth lives pretty far from me, so it’s not convenient.

Part of the reason it also feels lonely is not simply that I don’t have other women near me going through a similar experience, but because I’m changing. Me. The person I know best of all and whose consistent, reliable likes and dislikes comfort me. Intellectually, I’m aware that I won’t be the same person in 3.5 months, but I can’t say exactly how I will be different.

People tell me I’ll make “mom friends” and I hope I will. I know there are mommy and me groups, yoga, etc. But we all know how challenging it is to make friends in your 30s and older anyway. People are already so set in their friend groups.

I did try a pre-natal yoga class and awkwardly tried to make conversation with other moms, but it was strained, and most of them already had their ‘groups.’ I could spend more time on online forums, and I keep meaning to do that – so maybe that’s an option.

Once the little dude is here, it will probably be easier to meet new friends. But for now, it sure seems like I’m in a bubble. Maybe I should be easing into the lonely feelings when they come, and know the little guy in there probably feels pretty lonely and scared too…

So, it’s been exactly 5 months since we’ve written, and we apologize for that abrupt and unexpected hiatus! I wish we had a good reason for it, but really, it just kind of happened. One week of no writing rolled into two weeks of no writing, and the next thing we knew – it’d been months without a new post. We’d talk about getting back to it, but there was never a solid plan.

But in May, Laura and I took a girls trip to Cabo, Mexico (see below!) and got to talking about the blog, and what we wanted to accomplish. We both decided we really want to just have fun and experiment, and write about topics we’re interested in.

For me, that means writing about a lot of the new life stuff happening for me. Namely, I’m getting married and having a baby. (And to all those single ladies in their 30s who are scared of not meeting someone and being able to have a baby before they can’t anymore, a reminder that I was single at 34. So you just never know). I’ll talk about that more in a future post.

Stay tuned. We’ll be posting more and can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

Have you heard of that band, “Panic at the Disco”? Well, I keep thinking of their name lately and how I feel panic in my thirties! 

I remember reading an article on Jezebel about how the thirties are your ‘do-or-die decade’ and that idea has always stuck with me. The gist of the article is that the thirties are your time of life when the stakes are so much higher – that what you do in your thirties will set the stage for how the rest of your life might look.

But no pressure, people.

Ha. A lot of pressure actually. For me though, the pressure for me has morphed into panic. I’m 35, and I feel like I’ve made no serious inroads in my career and I have no kids – two things in my life I really want.  Obviously, it comes and goes and isn’t a permanent state of being.

However, there is a big problem with panic. See definition below.

Sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior.

“Wildly unthinking behavior.” Yes. Been there, done that. But that’s a whole ‘nother post.

So what’s the answer? Well, I can’t say I’ve figured it out yet. But I did read something in my weekly horoscope by Chani Nicholas (best horoscopes ever, btw), and it resonated perfectly for the subject of this post. So here ya go:

“Pause instead of panicking.”

Love it. Slowing down always helps me.

I gave my “I’m quitting” notice at my job in June. I wasn’t feeling fulfilled and certainly wasn’t having enough time to focus on my writing (which is the reason I moved to Los Angeles in the first place). My last day was July 14th. Since then, I’ve traveled to Montana, NYC, and now Iceland. I’ll be back home to Los Angeles in less than a week. I knew I’d be getting a new job once I returned (not sure what job, though!), so I wanted to take advantage of this time while I could.

Travel always clear my brain, and re-sets my mental system. Seeing how other people live helps me figure out what I might want to do with my life going forward. In NYC, I got some inspiration when I met a hospice care counselor at a brewery and talked to her for over an hour about her work. If I wasn’t aiming to be a working television and film writer, I’d be very interested in getting my social work degree.

Anyhow, I’ll share two of my favorite experiences in Iceland so far:

Dettifoss: The most powerful waterfall in all of Europe. It really is awe-inspiring. You feel the pounding of the water trembling under your feet. I imagine it’s like Niagara Falls, though I’ve never been.

Solfataras: This is a sulphur geyser type place. It’s very, very SMELLY. Imagine bad eggs times a million. But it’s very cool, as there are a lot beautiful colors and vistas.