How to Make Money On the Side in Your Thirties

September 30, 2016 By in Career Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

I’m working at a tradeshow right now while writing this blog post- don’t tell my manager. Actually, you can go right ahead and tell my manager, because I’m writing this on a break.

Sometimes I work on side projects while I’m on a break from another job. I’ve spent many a lunch break reading scripts for my theater company, Mission to (dit)Mars. I’ve finished invoices as well as sent out receipts on my break. And I’ve definitely blogged whenever I can grab a free minute- including on the subways of Japan during my vacation. Because blogging is fun- not work.  But this summer and last summer I spent a lot of time working on a side project from my computer that was fun and made me some money…and I was worried about not having enough time to continue working on it during my usual business travel during the fall and winter. Last year I got sidelined and didn’t work on much of anything extra. I was quite disappointed in myself.

However, this year I’m way more determined to work on side projects whenever I get a free moment. It’s funny that the second I start really getting into working on side projects during any free time I have (even during a full ‘real job’ schedule), I start to see other people doing the same thing. A coworker I’m working with at this show has a real estate business on the side where she buys, manages, and rents out property- and she’s sitting a couple of seats away from me working on that. Another coworker of mine manages liquor sales and is scheduling tastings and demos during her break. I work with someone else who doesn’t go out with us for dinner most days after shows – she’s instead returning emails and scheduling events for her event management job… which she has on the side.

It seems to me that the hardest thing about making money from a side job is having the discipline to give up some of your free time. I hate turning down social time with my coworkers when I’m on the road, because they’re nice respites from work hours. But sometimes the only way to get anything going on the side is to say no to invitations to go out after work. And if I manage my time well enough, I’ll still have time to be social with my colleagues for a few nights. It just takes determination and planning. But I’m inspired by other people I know who are able to turn down social events and get the work done on the projects that really matter to them. These types of people are quietly getting amazing things done all around you while working at a ‘real job’- in fact, maybe you’re one of them.

If you want more information about starting a side business, I love Ramit Sethi’s material on making a business out of something you’re already good at. Once you have a side business started -even a tiny bit of one- it’s all time management from there.

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How Would You Answer This Question?

September 27, 2016 By in Career, Family, Relationships Tags: , , , Leave a comment

What would you say if someone asked you if you agreed with the below statement?

“I’m confident that eventually I will get what I want out of life.”

I would say yes. But I happen to be a pretty optimistic person generally (if, anxious).

In a study at Clark University completed by Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, 655 thirtysomethings were asked the same question – if they agreed with the above statement.

And guess what percentage said yes? 87%. Not only that, but more than three quarters said they still feel like “anything is possible.”  That’s pretty impressive, especially considering how many thitysomethings feel like they aren’t where they want to be career-wise or personally (That’s my informal, completely un-researched opinion after talking to my friends).

Arnett, the researcher, was surprised by these results, and while he said they are admirable, he also felt they were unrealistic. That’s because he also asked these thirtysomethings if they have gotten as far in their careers as they’d hoped to be by now. And 56% of respondents (born between 1975 and 1984) said they haven’t gotten as far in their careers as they’d have hoped to by now. And 17% said they are not in a relationship now but would like to be.

Maybe it’s because we may not feel like we’re at the ‘destination’ of where we want to be, but we’re enjoying the ‘journey’ a heck of a lot. Personally, I do love the fact that I have more time and freedom right now than people with children or very demanding jobs. That time has allowed me to explore screenwriting and TV writing as a career.

We also might not be settling for less. We’re realizing that it may take a longer time to get exactly what we want, but it’s way better than settling for a mediocre career or relationship situation that society tells us is what we should have in our 30s.

The Hush-hush 30’s Decade- Why Are the 30’s Not Really Talked About?

September 19, 2016 By in Grab Bag 2 Comments

When Jane and I started this blog, we were excited to connect with a community of 30’s bloggers. We thought we’d be able to get tons of advice about the 30’s decade, and find tons of research on the 30’s had already been done for us. However, 30-somethings truly have to search for this kind of community, because it doesn’t really exist in any kind of cohesive way. The 30’s decade seems to kind of be a hush-hush decade.

There are lots of opinions about why the 30’s are the least talked about decade, but none of them satisfy me. I was reading an article the other day called The 30-Something Female Experience- What Is It Really? and the author asked a lot of women (well, her friends) why they thought the 30’s weren’t talked about as much as the 20’s or 40’s and most of the friends’ answers went something like “the 30’s are a boring decade,” “the 30’s are the middle child decade between the cool 20’s and the amazing 40’s.”

“The 30s get the shaft by society because it is the middle child. The 20s are a time to experiment and experience, by your 40s you have it dialed in, but your 30s is that awkward adolescence of figuring out how to get your family and yourself out the door in the morning, kick ass at work, have a healthy dinner on the table that evening, connect with your partner but not skip story time for the kids and still find time to get in a run to recover your pre-baby body or maintain a healthy figure. It’s not pretty as you’re trying to figure this out.”

My theory on the dearth of 30’s information kind of comes down to: the 30’s aren’t a sexy decade in the eyes of society. I mean, I feel more empowered than ever (mainly because I feel like I know myself better than ever), and feel extremely sexy in my own body (though I felt sexy in my 20’s too, but in a different and more unhealthy way), but there’s no marketing buzz around the 30’s that catches the media eye… we are in a lost decade. The empowerment decade (complete even with it’s own magazine- More Magazine) seems to be the 40’s (thank god- I’m happy that the 40’s are empowered, don’t get me wrong), and the crazy, wild decade is known to be the 20’s. So the 30’s decade is the….?

I think the 30’s decade is the growth decade. So much happens here in our 30’s. So much is put together in our 30’s. But perhaps growth isn’t sexy- especially not in our mainstream society. Hint: 30’s growth definitely isn’t sexy to the media. What can we do to change that? Do we need to change the perception of the 30’s?

 

Life Lessons You Learn By 30

September 14, 2016 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , Leave a comment

One of my favorite websites to read for inspiration is The Minimalists, run by two friends who had achieved everything they thought would make them happy by age 30: six-figure salaries, nice homes, cars, expensive clothing, etc. but even with all that, they didn’t feel fulfilled. So they gave it all up to live minimalist lives. You can read more about what that means to them on the “About” tab of their blog.

There’s a post of theirs in particular that I really like and that I think you guys will find relevant:  30 Life Lessons From 30 Years.

The most resonant lesson for me is:

5. Make change a must. For the longest time, I knew I wanted to change: unhappy, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled, I knew I didn’t have freedom—not real freedom. The problem was I knew this intellectually, but not emotionally: I didn’t have the feeling in my gut that things must change. I knew they should change, but the change wasn’t a must for me, and thus it didn’t happen. A decision is not a real decision until it is a must, until you feel it on your nerve-endings, until you are compelled to take action. Once your shoulds have turned into musts, then you are ready for change.

There were many years before graduate school when I knew I wanted to be a writer but I didn’t actually make the time to write. Eventually, it became MORE painful to NOT write than to actually sit down and write. And that is when I became a real writer.

How can you transform your ‘shoulds’ into ‘musts’? And if they’re too hard to make ‘musts,’ then perhaps you don’t want whatever it is badly enough and aren’t ready to prioritize that change.

I guess it’s also learning how to accelerate getting that feeling in your gut – learning to tap into your emotional drivers.

What big lessons did you learn by the time you reached 30?

When Self-Care Doesn’t Work

September 9, 2016 By in Family, Friendships, Health and Wellness, Personal Growth Tags: , , , 2 Comments

Last week for about the whole week, I had really, really bad anxiety. Like ‘a bubble bath and bottle of wine’ isn’t gonna help this kind of anxiety. It was strong and I didn’t feel like myself – this icky feeling possessed my brain (not Exorcist style in my body though, thank God!) in what felt like an unshakeable way. I’m not sure exactly what sparked it, but probably lots of little things that kind of exploded into a ball of overwhelm.

I tried everything. Watching my shows on Netflix, eating ridiculous amounts of pizza, drinking wine, reading cheesy magazines and books, taking walks – but nothing worked. My brain kept circling the same thoughts over and over again. Why didn’t I have more plans on Labor Day weekend? Am I going to live in this tiny studio apartment my whole life? Will I get get married and have kids? 

Those thoughts just kept repeating and repeating in my head, and I couldn’t shut them down.

I started getting angry at the idea of ‘self-care’ because it sure didn’t seem to be working for me.

So what do you do in these situations? Obviously, there’s medication, which I believe can be very helpful if you need it. But aside from that, what’s the biggest way to deal with moments like this? Now that I’m a little out of the anxiety fugue state, there’s one thing I know that works.

Riding it out. Accept that your (anxiety/loneliness/depression/fear/anger) may be PART of your life experience, but it’s not ALL of your life experience. It will pass.

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Knowing the Difference Between Labor Day, Veterans Day and Memorial Day by Your Thirties

September 5, 2016 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

Hope your having a great Labor Day weekend! This is a post I wrote last Labor Day, but it’s still timely today. Relax and enjoy and learn about the holiday!

laurasomewherelse's avatarOMG I'm Thirty

Happy Labor Day! Today’s post is a repost from this past Memorial Day, but I thought it was timely. Hope you had some good barbecue and are enjoying every last bit of the summer!

Last year on Labor Day, a friend of mine was wondering whether or not to thank the military. (Short answer- sure, thank the military- but not because of Labor Day. Labor day has nothing to do with the military- it’s about American workers.)

Last Memorial Day, I overheard someone asking the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day. This was not a child asking- it was someone in their fifties

So in case you’re not sure of the differences between the holidays, but are too embarrassed to ask, lets clear up the confusion right now, anonymously 😉

Memorial Day: Memorial Day is for honoring and remembering military personnel who died serving their country, particularly those who died in battle…

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New Online Dating Apps In Your Thirties

September 3, 2016 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

I previously wrote all about online dating apps (and online dating sites) in the post Online Dating In Your Thirties. In this post, I detailed the only four dating apps and dating sites that I’ve been -ahem- intimately familiar with (aka the ones I have used in the past). These include OKCupid (more of a website than an app but also an app), Tinder (ugh), Hinge (probably one of my personal favorites), and Bumble (which I never really used much because I learned about it last, but most people love this one right now).

Anyway, I’m not using any of these apps or sites anymore because I’m in a relationship! (OMG! But I’m going to leave you hanging there…that’s for another post 😉 All I’ll say is that I’m very happy!). So, because of my experiences with online dating when I was single for almost 2 years, I highly recommend dating online to my friends and many of my coworkers (haha, yep, my coworkers and I are very close). A lot of my friends are scared or averse to online dating, but I am a huge proponent of it for a few major reasons:

  1. It seriously opens up the dating pool (the sheer number of people you can meet online is amazing- and you really will meet people you would likely have never have met “in real life” – even if they were close by.
  2. When you meet up for coffee or a drink or dinner with someone who you discovered on an online dating site or app, it’s actually a date. (There’s no ‘is it or isn’t it?’ It’s a date…you met on a dating site. )
  3. It’s easier for busy or more solitary people to find dates. (If you work from home or you travel a ton for work but want to meet people in your home city, online dating helps. If you work with the same 10 people, and don’t usually talk to strangers on the street or in coffee shops, online dating helps. Again, online dating just ups your probability of meeting single people looking to actually date.)

The other day I was trying to help my recently single coworker find a good dating site or app to use, and we realized that there were a lot of new online dating apps out there (or at least ones I hadn’t heard of or wasn’t that familiar with). I recommended the usual Hinge, OkCupid, Bumble, and I steered her away from Tinder. But she opened up the app store and searched ‘online dating’ apps, and found some random new ones that seemed good/interesting to her. They included:

Clover (clover.co) – Described by Metro News as “Clover takes the simplicity of Tinder and combines it with Match.com!” And described by Clover as Clover= Tinder+Match+Okcupid+Zoosk+PoF and so much more.

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Zoosk (zoosk.com)– Apparently “Zoosk was named the best dating app of 2016” by Wallethub. And according to App Annie and Techcrunch, Zoosk is the #1 iOS app in all time revenue. At least that’s what it says in their app store description.

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Happn (happn.com)– I’d actually heard of Happn, but I heard about it very late…even after Bumble. I never used it, but it’s unique… Happn describes itself: “Every time you cross paths with someone in real life, their profile shows up on your timeline. You’ll be able to see the number of times you’ve crossed paths with someone, as well as the time and place of your last encounter.” Interesting…maybe a little much, but interesting. Kinda like Craigslist Missed Connections…but with much more likelihood you’ll actually connect.

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Anyway, those are the new apps I’ve heard discussed recently. Have any of you had experience with them? What are your thoughts? Any singles reading this should pick one and give it a try and get back to us. 😉 Remember to set your goal as ‘I want to meet some new people and have fun’ and not ‘I want to meet my soulmate.’ I think things will be a lot easier that way, and then you’ll always win because you’ll always be meeting new people. As I said before in a previous post, with that mindset dating is NEVER a zero sum game.

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One Valuable Lesson of My 30s

August 30, 2016 By in Friendships, Grab Bag Tags: , , , Leave a comment

In my thirties, I’ve come to greatly appreciate my interaction with strangers. When I say ‘strangers,’ I mean people you meet out in your community, in your daily life – at the grocery store for instance, or on the bus or train.

I think we sometimes discount these moments as just part of the fabric and niceties of life, but I’ve come to discover these interactions can affect one’s day in a big way.

Thirty seconds or a minute of interaction between strangers can be day-altering. You can feel appreciated and ‘seen’ by people you’ve never met before. That’s powerful and has the ability to change the course and mood of someone’s day.

I did a comedy show last week, and while it wasn’t a disaster, it also wasn’t the best I could do. Right after I had begun my set, the mic fell out of the cord connecting it to power, and for a few seconds, my voice went from crisp and loud to inaudible. I started making corny jokes that no one could hear and looked like a crazy woman mumbling to herself. The host had to come on stage during my set and fix the situation. But I was off my game at that point. I kept on going, but I had lost some of my initial momentum.

I walked off the stage and into the crowd feeling disappointed in my performance. I spent the rest of the show watching the other comics, but beating myself up internally. I thought about possibly giving up on stand-up. Maybe this wasn’t a medium for me.

When the night was over, a man came up to me to talk about the show. He told me that I was one of his favorites because I seemed so real and authentic, that I wasn’t putting on a persona. He seemed genuine and thoughtful. He told me to keep going with this whole stand-up thing.

That minute of interaction with the man pushed me to continue on with stand-up. So for one minute of stranger interaction, I will end up spending hours and hours continuing to pursue stand-up.

This article by Elizabeth Crisci speaks to the benefits of talking to strangers quite beautifully. I love what she wrote below:

Giving the gift of our attention to people that we know, and those we don’t, is not only generous, it empowers us as well as the person we are talking with.

 

The Connection Between Scary Movies and Credit Cards

August 27, 2016 By in Grab Bag, Money Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Let me just start by saying that I actually really like credit cards and that they don’t scare me. But horror movies do- and even scary, or semi-scary, TV shows can keep me up at night. Hell, just a trailer for a scary movie makes me immediately plug my ears and avert my eyes.

People may laugh at me when I scream in fear during the first episode of Stranger Things, or The Walking Dead, and turn away from the shows for good, deciding to probably never watch them again. But I know myself. I know how scary movies and books and TV shows might seem fun to me at first but can give me terrible nightmares, especially when I’m alone at an old hotel in the middle of Oklahoma City.

And since I know myself, I also know that I’m as good with money as I am bad with horror films. I was that kid who would look for money hidden in the coin returns at arcades and collect it, as opposed to using the coins to actually play the games. I know that credit cards will never tempt me into spending more than I have because I’m just a cautious type of person.

 

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Yikes!

However this isn’t true for lots of people- and if you’re one of them, don’t be ashamed. Be glad that you know yourself. The amazing finance blogger J. Money, on his fantastic blog Budgets Are Sexy (I only very recently discovered this extremely relatable and super fun-to-read blog, and I highly recommend it), writes about how he was solicited by TD Bank to create a credit card article targeted to millennials. Instead he describes how millennials are actually doing great things for themselves by avoiding getting into credit card debt. The reason TD Bank, and many other banks, are especially targeting millennials for credit cards is because millennials have been shying away from the cards due to worries about ending up in debt. According to the Budgets are Sexy article, almost half of all millenials- 44% – aren’t using credit cards at all. After all, many millennials-including myself- grew up and/or spent their early twenties during the recession of 2008 and are already saddled with insanely high student loan debt and a degree of worry about incurring any more bills.

TD Bank was trying to get Budgets Are Sexy to write about the benefits of credit cards and how millennials should establish credit so that they could borrow money later to acquire a car or a house. Yet J. Money, although he likes credit cards for their various perks and benefits, thinks that avoiding debt is way more important than your credit score. And I completely agree. Although I love credit cards personally because they’ve enabled me to take many a free flight somewhere, and to pass the credit check to rent my apartment, I disagree with telling millennials they should establish credit in order to take on lots of debt down the line… especially when millenials are already worried they’ll take advantage of “free money” credit cards and take on debt from unnecessary things!

I think it’s important to know yourself, and if you know you can’t handle the temptation of credit cards, stay away from them! I’ve cut scary movies out of my life because I know I can’t handle them, and I’ll never look back!

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This creepy image scares me a lot. It’s actually from a protest against credit card debt, that I found in a How Stuff Works article

Dammit Oatmeal, How Did You Trick Me For So Long?

August 24, 2016 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Random short story about how it can possibly take you thirty years to learn the most obvious thing ever:

So, I’ve been making oatmeal forever, and I even have a favorite brand: Old Wessex Ltd Scottish-Style Porridge Oats. I’m not an instant oatmeal fan, so I even take ziplocs of my favorite Scottish Oats on the road when I travel.

Although I like oatmeal, and especially Scottish-Style Porridge Oats, a ton, I don’t always love it when I make it. It’s hit or miss- sometimes it’s too watery, sometimes it’s too chewy. Even with the best brand, which I’ve been buying for at least 4 years now, I’m not usually all that impressed with my oatmeal. I eat it anyway, because I love oatmeal…. yet sometimes I get oatmeal at a restaurant- one of those quick places where there’s oatmeal in the morning and soup during the day- and the consistency is just so absolutely perfect. And I always thought ‘my god, how do they do it?’ Is there tons of heavy cream in this?

Then one day, earlier this summer, I lazily scanned the directions on my tube of Scottish Oats. And for whatever reason, on that random day, I decided to FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS EXACTLY. I never did this before. I got out my measuring cup and measured out exactly half a cup of oats. Then I put in exactly one cup of water. Then I put the oats in the microwave for exactly three minutes (I’d never microwaved my oatmeal for more than two minutes in the past). And lo and behold- perfect textured oatmeal.

The consistency was creamy and thick. The oats had the perfect chewiness. Everything was even more filling somehow because of the way the oats had absorbed the water.

A crazy and perfectionistic lesson? Maybe. But it worked. And even crazier- I realized I’d wasted  years of feeling it out and NEVER getting it right, even by accident.

There may be a lesson in here beyond the simple ‘read the directions’ one. Sometimes you can try your darndest to do something your own way, but the simple answer is actually right in front of you, tried and true and perfect.

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Fun Video for Your Monday

August 22, 2016 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

Check out this funny video from comedians Aparna Nancherla and Jo Firestone called ‘entering your thirties’ from the new YouTube channel, RIOT, dedicated to female comedy. LOVE this.

Sometimes You Don’t Realize Your Confidence Is Low Until You See Someone With a High Level of Confidence

August 18, 2016 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Today I read an article by the comedian and author Sara Benincasa, who was responding to a very pointed question from a fan. The question was: Why did you gain so much weight?

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It’s a question that would’ve destroyed my confidence if I was already feeling bad about myself- as I think it would have secretly destroyed many women. And I’m not fat by any standards. I’m actually pretty small if you’re going by some kind of American average. But it doesn’t matter- I always knew from society and all the magazines I’ve ever read that I was kind of worthless unless I was losing weight or thin.

What’s crazy about the thought pattern of ‘I’m only worth something if I’m thin’ is how built into my belief system it is- and I know that I’m not the only one. I work in an industry where being thin is prized, but I also live in a society that’s weight loss crazed…and always has been.

The article today shocked me with the confidence and bravado it presented- the woman who wrote it is successful and funny and talented and also bigger than what Hollywood, or society at large (whatever that means), deems ‘acceptable,’ but she’s confident anyway. How is this possible? Are you allowed to be confident if you’re a woman who’s not ‘acceptably’ thin or striving to lose weight? I ask this question as sort of a joke, but it’s not a joke. I truly care about healthy food and about being healthy, but there’s definitely a major part of me that cares only about being thin, so that I can feel good about myself and move on. This weight pressure is not something that only hits women in their teens and twenties and goes away…it continues well into our thirties and likely until the day we die. Weight pressure is built into the fabric of how women live. Every woman is pressured to be ‘acceptably thin’ and can’t feel good about herself unless she is so. Or so I thought.

“…here’s the shocker: in addition to my family and real friends still loving me, I kept getting work! Comedy, acting, and publishing 5 books from February 2012 to July 2016! It’s almost like I still had worth and value beyond the number on the scale…!”

She did? Women can? Especially in entertainment..or fashion…or hell, just being a respected woman? How can you respect yourself if you’re not ‘acceptably thin?’ How can anyone respect you? You should use all your time and energy to get onto a weight loss plan, right? But the successful comedian and author who had ‘gained some weight’ confidently continued:

“Let me tell you about some of the things that I did between when I started gaining weight (2011) and now (2016). I published that first book, “Agorafabulous!: Dispatches From My Bedroom.”I adapted it as a TV pilot. Diablo Cody is the executive producer. Have you heard of her? She’s very talented… Anyway, she wanted to work with me and never brought up the fact that I wasn’t skinny. Can you imagine? It’s so strange. I talked to her yesterday and she still did not say anything about me being so fucking fat. Is she just being nice? She’s from the Midwest and those people are sweet. And Ben Stiller’s company, Red Hour, worked with me too. None of them told me I was fat. Ben Stiller didn’t tell me I was fat!”

And this breathtaking woman didn’t even feel unlovable when she was fat! It’s crazy:

“Now during this time I began to think about weight. Not mine! I saw how women were criticized on the Internet and elsewhere for gaining weight. This intrigued me. I didn’t feel fat or unlovable. Should I? Hmm. I considered this and decided instead to make fantastic art instead, because I’m amazing at it.”

Wow, how dare she make art instead of getting her weight under control?! How could she even do that? Isn’t it better to spend your entire life getting your weight under control before you do anything else? I don’t understand it!

I gained all that weight because I was so busy working and growing as a person, a writer, an actor, a comedian, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a lover, an activist (hi Emily’s List and Humanity for Hillary and Los Angeles LGBT Center!), a thinker, and a cook (ironic, right?!?) that I didn’t have time to pursue what I really, really want to do: spend my precious spare moments making anonymous comments on the blogs of successful, beautiful, hardworking women in a failed attempt to undermine them in order to give me some sense of power as I marinate in my own inadequacy, stuck in the knowledge that no one will ever pay me to write my poorly-crafted thoughts down on paper, to be translated into book or film or television form, and that beyond money (which of course doesn’t lend my thoughts any inherent value) or any degree of fame (which is pointless and wholly unnecessary to a happy and fulfilling existence) no one will ever really want to hear what I have to say at all, because I am essentially worthless and of no value to the world at large. That’s what I really want to do.

Wow. What a response. Read Sara Benincasa’s full, beautiful response here.

I’m truly moved and shaken by Sara’s amazing statement because I feel like I not only wouldn’t have the confidence to respond that way, but I wouldn’t have the confidence to FEEL that way.

Imagine if we could actually, truly feel so confident no matter what?

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Friendship in Your 30s (And in a New City!)

August 17, 2016 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

I don’t know if it’s fair to say that Los Angeles is a new city for me, but it feels like one though I’ve moved here nearly three years ago. I like it a TON more than I did before, and I finally feel like I have a bit of a life groove going, so that is good. But I still don’t have many close friends here. I have a lot of social friends and acquaintances, but not many deep friendships. I do think that’s because deep friendships take time, but I also think being in my 30s and living in LA have affected it as well.

I wasn’t thinking too much about my friends here until I signed up to do more stand-up comedy shows. If you’re a new comic, you generally do either open mics or “bringer” shows. They are called “bringer” shows, because you have to bring 3-5 friends to come support you. Now this seems like a do-able task, because most people have 3 friends who would be down to come out to a show you’re performing in, right? Yes. But here’s the thing. When I had my stand-up debut, I invited everyone I knew in LA, and had a pretty nice turnout. But now, I’m going to be performing the SAME material for probably 6-7 minutes AND whoever comes is going to have to pay the cover fee plus a two drink minimum (comedy club standards).

But will acquaintances/new friends/colleagues come to see you perform more than one in a span of two weeks? As I’ve been pondering how to promote this show, it’s made me wish that I had deeper ties here so that I could have those friends to whom I could say (err…beg?) “Pleaaaaase come see my show! I need you here. And you know I’ve got your back for anything you need.”

I’ve been telling myself that it takes time to make deep roots. And sometimes, it’s okay to have acquaintances and early friendships. That’s exciting too, because you never know which one of those new friends will end up being one of your best friends in five years.

And for any readers in LA, come see my show this Thursday! I’ll buy ya a drink?

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What You Know in Your Thirties That You Wish You’d Known Earlier

August 12, 2016 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I just came across a Buzzfeed meme article about 22 things you learn in your thirties that you wish you’d known earlier, and unlike most Buzzfeed meme articles, I shook my head in agreement for most of them. If you haven’t read my previous post kind of trashing a 30’s Buzzfeed meme article, see Best Things About Being In Your Thirties- The Lists.

So let’s go over a few of the best learned things from Buzzfeed’s 22 Things You Know In Your Thirties That You Wish You’d Known In Your Twenties.  In no order:

  1. “There are other ways to communicate with your friends than social media. Like speaking on the phone. Or even meeting them in person.”

    Yes, yes and yes! YESSSSSS!!! But do other thirty-somethings know this too? Wait, am I not alone?

keep-calm-and-snapchat-me-41-12. “Your love for cheese will only grow stronger.”

Damn. I really didn’t think my love of cheese could actually grow much stronger. But dammit Buzzfeed, why do you have to be so right?? And my damn allergy to cheese makes me want it even more. Whyyyy, cruel world???

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3. “Being so drunk you don’t know your own name is not attractive to the opposite sex.”

Really? Damn it again. Good thing I don’t drink as much anymore because in my thirties, after 3-5 drinks, I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing, not able to go back to sleep again for 2 hours anyway. Come on liver, get it together!

4. “It makes sense to spend more than $10 on a bottle of wine.”

Okay, I disagree with this one. Maybe it can be done, but how does it “make sense”? Priorities, people!

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5. “Weddings cost a FUCKING fortune.”

It would seem so. I have never had one of these weddings, but legend has it they suck up all your wine-buying money for the remainder of your adult life.

6. You will not find your true love on the dance floor at 2 a.m.

Yep, hopefully by your thirties you’ve discovered the computer as a better place to go when you’re single at 2 am. Pajamas and Tinder can actually start trumping dancefloor as early as 10 or 11 pm…

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“Their Roaring Thirties” Book

August 9, 2016 By in Career 1 Comment

I was reading an article today that referenced a 30-something woman who graduated from Harvard, couldn’t find a job and was living with her parents until she had her own business success story. Apparently, she challenged the makeup industry by a way to customize and create your own makeup using a 3D printer. Pretty awesome, huh?  But the article didn’t mention her by name, so I was forced to hit up Google for some help. From what I can find, I believe this awesome woman is Grace Choi, the founder of the cosmetics company Mink.

During my Google searching to find out who this woman was, I stumbled upon publicity for this book, published by a Forbes imprint.

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The blurb on the Forbes website describes it here:

Denise Restauri, the founder and CEO of Girlquake and the executive producer of the inaugural Forbes Women’s Summit, knows that women are doing more than looking for a date in their 30s. Their Roaring Thirties: Brutally Honest Career Talk From Women Who Beat The Youth Trap spotlights thirtysomething women powering through sudden changes, workplace sexism, startup stresses, baby questions and much more.

I love it. I love that there’s a book for woman in their 30s that is NOT about finding a man to have a family with.

I’ll post a review once I’ve read it.

Being a Better Kid In Your Thirties Than When You Were a Kid

August 8, 2016 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

Most people long for the days of their childhood- those carefree days when life was simple and lovely- but I actually hated being a kid.

I hated not having control over my life, I hated having to get up early, I hated homework, I hated the other kids who made fun of me and laughed at me, I hated feeling ugly, I hated feeling confused, I hated feeling like the oddball, I hated feeling stupid. I really hated school. I even hated elementary school. I even hated kindergarten. I think I was okay in nursery school, but after that school was an uphill battle. Well, maybe high school was a little better, but grade school was the absolute worst.

And now life is just so much better and I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been barring some occasional PTSD I still get from those old days.

Things started getting better in high school and wayyyyy better in college. And life has steadily gotten even better. Most of the issues I had as a kid are gone- no more homework, no more school, no more being bullied, no more mean musical theater program people, more understanding of the world around me, more control over my life, more peace, more downtime, more freedom, more loving thoughts about myself. And I would never wish being a kid on anyone ever. Except for the people who miss being a kid.

Because childhood is supposed to be great. Some people apparently were a lot happier being a kid than me. However, I think I’m charmed with a backwards life: my childhood happiness is now. Instead of being a happy child for 15-18 years and then being a less happy adult, I got a less happy childhood for 15-18 years and then a staggeringly happier, blissful-by-comparison adulthood. And I can say for certain that I like it much better this way.

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Was just at Harry Potter world at Universal Studios during an awesome family vacation a little over a week ago

Because I can appreciate wholeheartedly every moment I have as an adult. Every bit of free time I have now, I love that much more. Every kindness someone does for me touches me to the root of my soul because I know the depths of pain I felt from people in my past. Every moment I can choose my own work to do is staggering to me because I appreciate the beautiful freedom I have. Everything I learn now is so much more valuable because I’ve chosen to learn it. Every lovely truth seems clearer when compared to the gray confusion of my childhood.

I also feel like I’m a better child now than I ever was when I was a child. Small things delight me. I’m so appreciative of time I get to spend with my family. I love and enjoy fun desserts more. I’m in shock at how much fun I have at Disney World and Universal Studios….as an adult. I love my car trips with my family. Because as an adult, I really appreciate time I get to spend with my family.

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My brother possibly about to be attacked at Universal Studios two weeks ago

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My mom and I at the Harry Potter midnight book release last weekend..we’ve made wands

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The Lorax, who is awesome

The appreciation I have for not being an actual child anymore leaves me free to embrace my inner child as an adult. I don’t feel jaded or cynical much because I appreciate each new moment. I don’t want to fight with people I love because I’m so grateful to have them in my life. I think a lot of these traits stem from me not being as happy as a child. I’m looking to feel good now. I’m looking to play. I’m looking for ease. I want to feel the happiness of childhood as an adult and I believe that those feelings can be there when you look for them.

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I don’t know what I was looking for here exactly.