One of my new friends, who I have a feeling will be a lifer because she’s so damn awesome, is turning thirty this weekend. We’ve been talking about how that makes her feel and how I felt when I turned 30. I remembered back to the two birthday dinners I had, and how low-key and special they were. I just felt cozy being surrounded by a small group of people that I truly loved. By the time I hit 30, I had abandoned the idea of big blow-out bar nights in favor of quiet restaurants where I could hear everyone speak.

Anyhow, her birthday got me diving deep into an internet vortex searching for other women’s opinions on turning 30.

I found this gem of an essay, On Turning 30, by Molly Crabapple on VICE, and wanted to share it here. She tackles the idea that women lose value as they get older because they become less physically and sexually appealing. But she basically says that getting older provides women with great freedom, and that she herself felt liberated because she wasn’t constantly propositioned by men.

My favorite part of the essay was the end, when she wrote:

Like many thrilling things women do—fucking or hitchhiking, being demoniacally ambitious or telling an asshole to stick a chainsaw in his eye—society tells us that growing up leads to ruin. Yes, you get older, but you can also grow tougher, kinder, braver. You can claw out the life you wanted. But as you age, the world will tell you you’re less worthy, even if you know that’s a lie. If there’s one thing society won’t stand for, it’s for a woman to be content.

So to all the birthday girls out there, here’s to not thinking we’re in any way less worthy than we were in our 20s!

Going about my day, I came across two interesting observations/stories about being in your 30s that I wanted to share here. Firstly, remember how I was venting about feeling like I was sliding backwards in my 30s? I was worried about needing to find a co-signer for my lease, and how I’d probably end up in a smaller, tiny apartment with no kitchen. Well, the bright side is that only half of that came to pass. I didn’t need a co-signer (thanks to stellar credit, woot!), BUT my apartment doesn’t have a  kitchen. It has a mini-fridge – like the ones they use in hotels to stock mini bars. In time, I plan to buy a microwave and add a coffee maker, and kind of hope for the best. We’ll see. I’m sure I’ll be keeping you posted on my journey with my mini-kitchen.

But the point of that story, was to stay I am not ALONE. And if you are in your 30s living in a tiny apartment with no kitchen, or sharing a place with five roommates, YOU are not alone. Because Amy Schumer Still Rents An Apartment With A Murphy Bed. How awesome is that? Also, the author of the article, Nicole Dieker, is now my personal hero because she admitted that she too has tiny living quarters, writing:

But I’m still exactly where I am: in a microapartment with no kitchen, filling a bus tub with water from the bathroom sink every night to wash my dishes.

That’s observation number one. That a lot of us are making due with situations that may not seem “on par” with our age bracket.

My second observation is from watching an old episode of Sex and the City tonight. In the pilot of Season 4, Carrie talks about soulmates and what they mean. Do we each have one soulmate? If that’s true, what if we don’t find him or her? Or what if we have multiple soul mates? In the episode, it’s Carrie’s 35th birthday, and she’s going through some soul searching as to why she hasn’t found her soulmate, if indeed they do exist. But then Charlotte makes a sweet observation. What if they are each other’s real soul mates and the men in their lives are merely people to have fun with? I loved how sweet that thought was. I really think that friends can be soulmates. I sure know I have them.

Until yesterday, I had never heard of the idea of using a pendulum to access your intuition in a stronger way. Have you? Basically, there’s a well-known practice of dangling a pendulum over your pulse (ideally, your wrist) and letting it adjust to your natural bodily rhythms and then asking the pendulum to give you yes/no answers to questions.

Before we get too far here, do you know what a pendulum is? It’s basically a weight suspended from some kind of pivot point that allows it to swing freely. Imagine a necklace with a crystal at the end of it. To make your own pendulum, all you need is a nice piece of jewelry (a ring works just fine) or a crystal, and some thread. You hang the jewelry or crystal on the thread and let it dangle naturally at the bottom of the thread. You hold it over it your wrist, STEADY, and ask to for its “yes;” what movement means “yes.” Then, you watch as the pendulum swings into a natural yes rhythm. While you wait for the yes, you have to consciously think “Yes, yes, yes…”, getting into the YES frame of mind. Then, you do the same with the “No.” You’ll see how the pendulum begins to swing in a new, recognizable “no” pattern.

And now, you’re set to ask the pendulum a question. You want to ask questions that clarify YOUR internal feelings. You can’t ask questions about what other people are thinking, but you can ask about feelings you may be having that you’re ambivalent about, or questions for which your body may have the answer to (i.e., am I deficient in iron?). Apparently, certain families use it to predict what a baby’s gender will be. The idea is that the pendulum taps into the “energy” within your body and it basically accesses what’s happening for you at a subconscious level.

This might sound a little (or, a lot) new agey, but it makes physical sense, using your pulse as a kind of mind reader – like a lie detector test.

My co-workers and I all used it, and I swear, it worked on ALL of us. We each had a distinct “Yes” and “No” and our questions were answered in a definitive way.

So, if you’re looking for a little guidance, why not try creating your own pendulum?

As I’ve mentioned before, my c0-worker and friend is turning 30 in two weeks and we’ve been talking a lot about that particular birthday and what it all means. There seems to be so much psychological pressure placed on us to have accomplished certain things and hit specific milestones. Sometimes we don’t even realize these pressures exist, they are buried deep in our sub-conscious.

One of our other co-workers and friends, who’s in her 40s, was giving us her own perspective on turning 30. She said that her real adult life didn’t begin until she was 30, and that everything prior to that was preparation for her journey. Hearing that was comforting; that she saw 30 as a starting point, as opposed to a kind of day of reckoning “What have you accomplished by now?!!?!”

As she’s a Christian, she also mentioned something fascinating that I did not know. Apparently, 30 holds a ton of significance in both the Bible itself and in Jesus’s life. Since I’m not religious, maybe this is obvious to those of you who are Christian, but apparently, Jesus started his ministry at age 30. Prior to that he worked as a carpenter and “grew in stature, wisdom, and favor with God and man.” Also, back in the day Priests trained until they reached their 30th birthday to join the Priesthood.

I love this idea that we can view turning 30 as a a kind of re-emergence of self, like we are coming out of our cocoons to become butterflies.

It’s been a big week for me. I’ve been dealing with some personal issues and I’ve had some trouble maintaining routines – including writing on this blog. So thank you for bearing with me!

I’ve been lucky enough to keep my temporary job at summer camp, and that’s provided ample work and distraction for me. Since it’s an arts camp, all the employees are artists themselves – filmmakers, writers, actors, etc. and it’s nice to be with people who feel like they are part of my ‘tribe.’ In fact, in the near two years I’ve been in LA, I haven’t had such instant connections with people as I’ve had in the camp.

One of my fellow staffers is turning 30 in August, and we’ve been talking about what that means. For her, it means taking a huge adventure to move across the globe to pursue her artistic discipline. But of course, it’s a big decision and scary one. It got me thinking about decisions we make in our 30s.

Do you ever feel like the decisions we make in our 30s are loaded? Like, they carry an exceptional amount of weight because this is a ‘do or die’ decade? We’re making choices about career and family that may have implications for the rest of our lives. That can be somewhat paralyzing when it comes to making choices.

But yesterday, a wise person told me there’s a big difference between making mistakes and having regrets. You can make a mistake and not have regrets. You make choices and in doing that, you are powerful and exercising your agency as a human being, and for that you can never have regret.

I remember a TED talk by Elizabeth Gilbert where she talked about not regretting decisions you’ve made in the past, because you made them with all the information you had at the time. I loved that. Regret doesn’t make sense in a life where we’re constantly evolving and growing as people.

So, here’s to not being so precious about each and every step in our 30s.

I don’t know about you, but I find the summer to be the best time for reading. My mind is naturally in a more day-dreamy state (yes, I just made up a word) and I have more free time than usual. I’m excited to read a lot of books this summer, but I’m starting with The Vacationers by Emma Straub. It’s set in Mallorca, Spain and it’s about a family who is taking one of their first big vacations in years, after some pretty big issues have taken place. 

While I can only read one fiction novel at a time, I can usually read a non-fiction book at the same time. So this summer, I’m going to try and pick back up Tony Robbins’s Awaken the Giant Within. I started it a few months ago, because Laura and I deemed it our next book club pick after hearing so many people call it life-changing, but we both read a few chapters and then put it down. We both agreed that maybe it was because there are “homework” exercises after many chapters, and that deterred us. It’s not that we’re lazy and don’t want to do the homework, but usually we’re reading at night before bed, or on commutes, and it’s hard to just switch into paper and pen brainstorming mode. But the plan is to get back to it and finish it. A lot of “self-help” writers that I respect and admire are huge Tony Robbins fans.

So, what will you be reading this summer?

How are you kicking back this Summer? Hopefully you’ve got a vacation or at least a three-day weekend planned. I don’t have a proper vacation on the horizon, but since I’m job hunting, I do have a lot of down time. So I’ve been doing relaxing things like watching my favorite new shows (Seven Year Switch on FYI, Amy Schumer Show, Fresh Off the Boat), reading, general loafing, indulging in long phone conversations and eating delicious things. But it’s not quite the same as vacation. Not even close really, especially because I have the spectre of the job hunt looming over all my free time.

I was lucky enough to get a job for a week at an arts camp, which I started today, so that’s been fun. Being at the camp reminds me of my own experiences at both day camp and sleep away camp, and how they both really allowed my mind to wander and reset itself. I can’t say I loved camp (all that constant socializing can be hard for an introvert!), but I appreciated being out of NYC for awhile, and how the days felt so different from school days.

Would you ever consider Summer camp for adults? And yes, they do do exist! This place sounds very cool to me:  Camp Grounded. The focus of this camp is about digitally detoxing. Their motto is “disconnect to reconnect.” You basically give up using your phone, social media accounts, etc. and have an off-the-grid weekend participating in activities.

There are tons of specific interest camps – like the Culinary Institute of America camp, or Long Island Wine Camp. But the old-fashioned summer camp experience for adults sounds more up my alley – including color war, s’mores and bonfires. This place sounds like another fun option, Camp No Counselors. Though, just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you’ll be able to attend – they cherry-pick their guests to create a dynamic mix of people.

I guess organizing a weekend get-away with your friends is similar – and doesn’t require any application process or hefty fees. Still, the idea of being “taken care” of at a summer camp and provided with specific entertainment sounds pretty great to me. Maybe one day…

Taking a “break” from camp at the UCLA sculpture garden