The Little Things You Know How to Accomplish by 30

January 16, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , , , , , , , 7 Comments

Today I went to steam some broccoli for lunch. I’ve gotten very good at steaming broccoli- and not because it’s easy. I actually used to find it very difficult. My main problem was that I didn’t own a steamer.

I used to microwave just about all my vegetables. I was too lazy to bother purchasing a steamer. Even when I found out that steaming broccoli was healthier than microwaving it, I always thought “one day I’ll go out and buy a steamer.” But I didn’t.

It was only when I was at a 99 cent store purchasing lightbulbs that a little steaming basket crossed my path. It was quite cheap, and quite cute, so I bought it. But I never used it. I continued microwaving my broccoli this whole time since the microwave was familiar and the steamer was not. Path of least resistance.

My former roommate found the steaming basket I’d bought and enjoyed it thoroughly until she finally broke it after a few years- it was from the 99 cent store, after all. I watched her use it and promised myself I’d get around to using it too. But I did not.

Then one day I saw an even better steaming basket in Bed Bath & Beyond and decided that I was going to try again. This time I went home and actually took the steamer out of the box. I was going to put it on a shelf, but without thinking, I quickly threw some broccoli in it. The first time, I burned the broccoli, the steamer, and my pot. But I got familiar with how steaming worked.

After that, steaming wasn’t too bad except that I always had trouble finding a glass lid that went with the pot I was using. In my old apartment, all the lids for every pot were thrown behind the kitchen appliances. So I steamed with the wrong size lid all the time. It was the easiest way to get broccoli steamed quickly without a lid search. Most of the time, I was too lazy to search around for the right size lid. This worked okay, but was annoying enough to deter me from steaming too much. So I still used the microwave half the time.

When I moved to my new apartment, I put all my glass lids together in their own drawer, with nothing else. Suddenly, all my steaming obstacles had been removed.

Today the process of steaming broccoli was seamless. I grabbed the steamer, the nearest pot, and its easy to reach lid. I put the broccoli in. I steamed. I ate.

Sometimes getting things done can take 30 years to perfect.

broccoli-bites-001

What little things have you not bothered doing because you haven’t made them habits yet?

On Friendship: Louis CK and Marc Maron

January 15, 2015 By in Friendships Tags: , , , Leave a comment

Have you ever listened to the WTF with Marc Maron podcast? If you haven’t yet, you should, because it’s pretty awesome. In a nutshell, Marc Maron is a stand-up comic who interviews other comedians. But that would be an unfair and reductive way to describe it. It’s so much more than that – Maron talks to his guests about deep stuff – there’s a lot of talk about anxiety and depression, and the harder parts of life that we don’t often acknowledge.

One of his episodes is an interview with comedian Louis CK. Slate recently rated this episode the BEST PODCAST EPISODE OF ALL TIME. And with all the crazy hubbub surrounding Serial, this is quite the honor. The episode deals with their 20-something year friendship and the rocky patches it went through – how they fell away from each other for a long stretch of time. Resentments built and tensions formed, miscommunications happened – all the stuff of everyday friendship.

I think the reason the episode resonants with people is that it just feels so true.  That’s the best way I can describe it. Over the course of the 2 hour interview, they take a look at their joint past and begin to re-build their friendship.

Maron had a lot of really insightful words on friendship that I wanted I’d share here. As we’re moving into our thirties, we’re growing as people and so are our friends. As easy as it is to assume we’re the only ones who are changing, our friends are changing too. It’s a never ending evolution, and the advice I tell myself is that we should constantly try to see our friends in a fresh light; to constantly try and almost listen to them like they’re a new friend. Does that make sense?

Here are some quotes from the kick-ass episode that I thought were worth sharing:

“Sometimes when you don’t see someone a lot, you just sort of hold them to who they were when you did know them really well. Like oh that guy must be the same guy.”

Similar sentiment, expressed a bit differently:

“A lot of times, in friendships, you tend the hold the person you’re friends with to the standard of what your friendship was originally.”

“Allowing each other to grow in a friendship is tricky, because there’s part of you that wants to be what you were when you were first friends, there’s part of you that’s wants that, because that’s an innocent place, that’s where the emotion started.”

You can download the episode here.

Louis-CK-and-Marc-Maron-hug-it-out-in-after-episode-of-Louie-tv-show

When I’m Married, Does My Spouse Get My Assets?

January 13, 2015 By in Money, Relationships Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 7 Comments

My head is spinning right now after researching this question. It’s quite a doozy. And I don’t use the word ‘doozy’ very often.

Writing the opposite article about whether you’re liable for your spouse’s debt was a much easier undertaking. The answers were wayyy simpler. I had no idea what I was getting into with this one. But I feel like it’s very important for those of us in our thirties, since many people I know are getting married or about to get married around this time.

So here goes: I’m going to use my very best simplification skills in order to make this as understandable as possible.

First, I want to preface strongly that I’m not a Financial Advisor, so this is a vast simplification. If you are truly worried about your assets being shared with your spouse, please contact a Certified Financial Planner. Here’s a website that will help you find one.

Second, Okay, so let’s repeat the question in its simplest state:

If I have an inheritance, a savings account, monetary gifts from my dear Aunt Myrna (all of these things are known as ASSETS) does my spouse automatically get half (or any of it) when I get married?

When I started researching this, almost every article I came across was actually about divorce. I couldn’t figure it out at first, and then it hit me: none of this asset stuff is really relevant legally unless you get divorced.

This actually means: Other than if you get divorced (and hopefully you will not), you won’t ever legally be forced to share your savings, retirement accounts and inheritance with your spouse. Not really. You will probably want to share some (or most) of it, but that’s between the two of you. 

Think about it: If you don’t want to share your savings or inheritance with your husband or wife, there’s no lawyer/judge/policeman/masked villain who’s going to suddenly barge into your house and FORCE you to share your savings with your spouse…I mean, unless your spouse sues you or something (and honestly, that’s the road to divorce right there), sharing money within a marriage is kind of a private matter…a verbal agreement between two spouses. I mean, you guys can fight it out amongst yourselves (a civil conversation is also an option), but no one from the legal system will get involved. Of course, you two are building a life together so you may want to commingle (share) money (The word ‘commingling’ is actually an important one. I will come back to the whole commingling money issue in just a bit, as it will soon take centerstage in answering our question).

Once you get divorced (again, fingers crossed against this), all the legal issues/headaches/major problems come into play. 

I mentioned in my last article about debt in a marriage that there are two types of states: Common Law states and Community Property States. I’ll review the Community Property states, since there are fewer of them. They are: Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, Wisconsin, the territory of Puerto Rico….and Alaska allows married couples to opt in to community-property status.

Basically, if you’re in a Community Property State (see above),AND YOU GET DIVORCED, almost all of your assets that you accumulated DURING THE MARRIAGE are divided completely in half. Even your own 401k, private savings account, or pension from YOUR job becomes half your spouse’s! Of course, there are exceptions, such as if you have a prenup where you’ve written down that you will NOT divide your assets equally, or you two agree to amicably divide the assets unequally (in which case, you’ll have to talk to your divorce attorneys and there will be a lot of writing to do.)

Two major exceptions to this rule are INHERITANCES and GIFTS. If you received a personal inheritance or personal gift, your spouse doesn’t necessarily get any of it in a divorce, unless you COMMINGLED THE FUNDS. Commingling means you used some of the funds to pay for a marital expense- this can get super tricky and involves lots of record-keeping and paperwork, so I’m not going to go into it here. My advice is: if you have an inheritance or personal gifts, try NOT to commingle those funds…yep, that might be hard. Once inheritance or gift funds that were specifically yours get commingled with marriage funds, you’ve made them fair game to be seized by your spouse during divorce proceedings. Eek.

If you’re in a COMMON LAW STATE (all the ones NOT listed above) and you get divorced, your assets won’t be divided strictly 50/50, but they will be divided in a “fair” way (read: complex). This will involve a lot of “if I take this, then you can have that” type of discussions. If discussions don’t happen, the courts will step in. It can get quite messy, especially if the whole ‘commingling of funds’ mentioned above has taken place.

Unfortunately, the main fact I came across in my research is: don’t trust your ex to tell you what you’re entitled to. They will possibly lie to your face…or they’ll honestly have no idea and make things up. If you’re getting divorced, DO YOUR RESEARCH. I know, it sounds harsh. I love to believe that people are good at heart too. But…the divorce experts who wrote the articles I read recently seem to believe more in greed than goodness. Sad face.

So that’s a lot. And not the happiest stuff I’ve ever written. If you’re still game for more, I’m attaching links to my research below for further reading. If your head is spinning, let’s review the absolute basics:

  • When you get married, you won’t be FORCED BY LAW to share your assets. You will probably want to share some or all of them.

  • When you get divorced, THEN you will likely be forced to share your assets.

  • After a divorce, Community Property states will divide most of your assets 50/50, with the possible exception of inheritance and gifts, unless the inheritance and gifts were commingled with marital money.

  • After a divorce, Common Law states wont divide everything 50/50, but they will divide things in what is deemed a ‘fair’ manner…and this can be very complex.

  • It is this very complex division of assets issue that solidifies the possible extreme importance of prenups. 

Oh man. That was a lot for a blog about the thirties. I swear, my next post will be about ice cream or something. Or maybe I’m just thinking about pints of Haagen Daaz because this was depressing.

Please let me know any questions or comments this brings up…or if you have more insight into this. Thanks for reading to the end!

References:

Managing Marital Property DO’s and Don’ts

401K division after divorce (this is complicated so I didn’t go into it here- these guys do it better.)

More retirement plan division after divorce

People hiding assets during divorce proceedings– eek!

Some good info on commingling

Sheltering inheritance

More sheltering inheritance

IMG_2431

 

How to not regret your 30s

January 13, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , Leave a comment

About eight months ago, there was a Reddit thread around the question “For those of you 40 or above, what do you regret about your 30s?” Check it out here – it’s definitely worth a read if you don’t mind sifting through a lot of random replies.

The most resonant reply for me was the person who said not to worry about the “shoulds.” I ‘should’ be married by now, I ‘should’ have a  high-paying job by now, I ‘should’ have children by now, etc. Only recently have I started to become more comfortable with ignoring the “shoulds” in my own life. For me though, the “shoulds” I’m concerned about are more day-to-day life stuff – for example, when I tell myself I ‘should’ attend a social function when I really don’t want to.

As I’ve gotten older, I try to do things that bring me joy. If I don’t want to go to a loud party that starts at 10pm because I want to curl up with a good book and drink a glass of wine, then that’s what I do. Same with hanging out with people who don’t make me feel happy or good about myself. I used to tell myself that I ‘should’ spend time with a person, simply because he or she asked me to. Like, ooooh…someone wants to hang out with ME, I have to say yes, because what if I say no and then I don’t get the opportunity to socialize again?! Clearly, that was low self-esteem speaking and something I should analyze in therapy sometime. Thankfully I’m past that stage and now, if someone asks me to hang out and I feel ‘I should want to’ rather than ‘Yay! I want to!’ – I don’t say yes. Time is too valuable these days.

Speaking of time, I loved this commenter’s (handle: mustlovecash) ‘regret’ and advice for us 30-somethings:

Living in a shallow blur, by doing too many things adequately vs. a few meaningful things really, really well. Multitasking is an oxymoron, and your inbox will always be full – that is it’s job. But being excellent in a few cherished things (playing piano, skiing, photography, whatever) gives a lasting reward.

And, overall, one of the most recurring ‘regrets’ in the thread was not saving enough money or not maxing out your 401K options from employers. Laura has talked a lot about saving money on this blog and if you haven’t already started an IRA or Roth IRA, start your research here.

Is There No More Ikea Furniture in Your Thirties?

January 11, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , , , , , , , , 5 Comments

A friend of mine sent me an article last night saying, “Hey Laura! I saw this and thought of your blog. I don’t know if I’d consider it true, but it strikes me as funny.”

The second I saw that it was a HuffPo article, I was already laughing to myself and getting out my multiple grains of specifically stored HuffPo/Buzzfeed salt. I wrote about a Buzzfeed article- Best Things About Being in your Thirties- The Lists– where I disagreed with most of their list (as did almost all of the commenters who went as far as saying the list made them want to “crawl into a hole and die.” Inspiring stuff.) HuffPo and Buzzfeed have a ton of articles on the thirties and if you read a bunch of them, what’s hilarious is actually that they kind of make their own stereotypes and use them over and over in all their articles. It’s the wacky “Buzzfeed/HuffPo Thirties Universe.”

The article my friend sent me was: “What it’s like to turn 30 in 3 Hilarious Charts.” Let’s go over these hilarious charts and see what we think about HuffPo’s Thirties accuracy 😉 Below is chart 1:

 

o-WHATS-ON-MY-FB-900Ok, this is pretty true…though sometimes I feel there’s still a couple selfies too many making their way onto my FB Newsfeed. But overall, I get it. Lots of babies. Lots of weddings. Less parties.

Moving on, here’s Hilarious Chart 2:

o-HGTV-900 (1)

 

Haha, I definitely agree with the wedding one, and the vomit one is probably about right…but HGTV? I actually had to think about what that stood for for a second..but then again, I’m not super house and home centered.

Speaking of house and home, here’s the next chart, labeled: “And, finally, some awesome perks of being 30? No. More. Ikea. Oh, and zero f*cks given.” 

o-PROPORTIONS-900 (1)

What’s up with HuffPo and Buzzfeed taking Ikea out of the thirties? Ikea is still very much alive and well, thank you HuffPo. Everyone I know agrees….are we out of the life-beyond-Ikea loop? Did people start buying $800 shelving and I missed it? My friend and I agreed that we’re perfectly happy with our Norse god named furniture that breaks down once every 2-5 years. We just buy a differently named Norse god next year. Problem solved.

The shoe thing is absolutely true. And thank god for that.

I’m on the fence about parental advice. Sometimes very much yes. Sometimes very much nooo.

Giving no fucks is wishful thinking. Less fucks perhaps. Definitely less fucks about shoes.

Thoughts? Do you agree with these charts? Find them hilarous? And is anything so true it’s sad? Please weigh in below.

 

 

 

 

If It’s Good Enough for Kate Middleton…

January 9, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , 3 Comments

Then it’s good enough for me. Err…I guess, right?

I recently came across this old post on the The Telegraph’s news site, Dear Kate Middleton, the best is yet to come. The article is basically a compilation of quotes from notable women in the UK giving Kate unsolicited advice on turning 30. The author mentioned Kate entering her “fourth” decade of living, which stopped me in my tracks, because I keep thinking of this period of my life as my third decade of living. But when you turn thirty, you’re actually beginning your FOURTH decade of living. Have I lost brain cells from too much Merlot, or is this just a common misconception?

Regardless, there were some very nice gems of advice I thought I’d share here:

“Don’t spoil your life by fretting about age while you’re still young. Women in their thirties sometimes panic because they feel it will be a disaster if they don’t get everything – the right partner, children, a successful career. Some women do have all those things, many don’t. There are happy and unhappy people in both groups.” –Wendy Cope, poet

“Best of all, it gets easier to be yourself when you turn 30 – you develop the confidence you longed for but never had in your teens and twenties. You get better at your job, more experienced, more skilful. And forget all those gloom-mongers – doctors among them – who say your brain and body start to deteriorate. I married and had my first baby at 37, then had three more. I launched ChildLine at 46, and hosted a talk show at 62. Go for it, Kate, the best is yet to come.” – Esther Rantzen, Broadcaster and Campaigner

Read more in the article linked above and enjoy these bits of motivational goodness as you head into your weekend!

How To Be a Good Houseguest

January 9, 2015 By in Friendships, Grab Bag Tags: , , , , , , , , 10 Comments

Having houseguests can be both fun and stressful. You have to clean the living room and possibly even the toilet (eek)! You have to blow up the air mattress or pull out the fold out bed or put away all that random clothing you’ve stored in the guest room. You possibly have to entertain and cook extra food. It can be a big ordeal even if the person you have coming over is the coolest person ever.

I understand this, and this is why I strive to be The Best Houseguest Ever. I’ve stayed with people A LOT. I’ve also had people stay with me A LOT. Since I’ve traveled for work for the past 8+ years, and am not put up in a hotel every single time, there’s a lot of back and forth going on with me and coworkers/friends/relatives in other cities.

2014-03-02 22.12.20

So here’s my list of top things you can do to be The Best Houseguest Ever as well. I’m sure you’re a very good houseguest already, but in your thirties you might as well be amazing at it 🙂

Best Houseguest Ever Practices:

  1. Thank your host(s) for letting you stay. They’re going out of their way. The very least you can do is genuinely say thank you. They’re being pretty awesome!
  2. Thank them again. I thank them a lot. It’s amazing how important this is and how many people may not do it. (My friends do, so if you’ve stayed with me, it’s all good). 🙂
  3. Be especially nice if there is a husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/roommate that you don’t know very well or at all. This is HUGE. That person can sometimes feel very left out or weird about the whole thing. Go the extra mile and make sure to thank that person too. Go the extra EXTRA mile and ask that person a question..it could be as simple as ‘how was your day?’ or ‘how was work?’ or as much as a full conversation if they want to chat.
  4. If they make you food, offer to help cook or set the table.
  5. If they make you food, offer to wash dishes. They may decline, but at least you tried.
  6. Be neat and don’t leave stuff everywhere.
  7. Put items back where you found them (such as pots or pans if you cooked).
  8. Keep noise levels down if the hosts are asleep (TV, phone calls, etc).
  9. When you leave, fold the bedsheets if you’re on a pullout or an air mattress.
  10. Give them something back. In order to figure out what to give, lets get very honest:

Are the people you’re staying with not making a ton of money? Are they struggling artists or unemployed? These are important questions because they influence whether the person/people you’re staying with will be happy or insulted if you offer certain repayments. Repayments I’ve used have included:

  • Taking your host(s) out to dinner one night
  • Giving your hosts some grocery money if they’ve cooked for you every day (some people may be insulted by this, but you can feel it out based on the above.)
  • Getting your hosts a bottle of wine or champagne
  • Getting your hosts some other small gift, such as a fancy candle or whatever they seem to like.

Hope this helps you enjoy house-guesting a bit more! Have any more Best Houseguest Ever ideas for this post? I’d love to learn them. Happy travels!

Phone a Friend

January 7, 2015 By in Friendships Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment
Phone a Friend

“Have you meditated today? Maybe that would help.”

“I DID meditate, actually. Twice, Jane! I meditated twice already!”

It’s a rare day I meditate twice in a row, especially before noon, but the other day it felt necessary. I woke up in an anxious and out of sorts mood. Ironically, I’d been having a great week. I’d been writing a ton, seeing lots of friends and family, had been off from work for awhile, had run 10 miles the day before, and was blazing through my to do list.

I should be able to calm myself down now that I’m in my thirties, I kept repeating to myself- I should have it together by now- I’m a frigging adult! All my days should be happy and bright! After all, I meditate these days. I’m in the flow of love, dammit!!

But it didn’t matter. It wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough.

So I called Jane- my trusty co-blogger and best friend- and talked it out. I went through all the reasons I felt anxious…most of which were silly and repetitive. It actually took a lot of digging to get to the reasons- at first I was like I have no idea why I’m anxious..why the hell am I anxious???

But then things started to become clear as I talked.

Do you want me to make you feel better about any of your anxious days and actually list some of the dumb things that were upsetting me? A little schadenfreude for ya? 😉 Ok, for you I will.

  • I was upset that someone asked me to choose a new restaurant and I couldn’t think of one..not the perfect one, anyway. This made me anxious. (I told you…so ridiculous!)
  • I felt like I didn’t meditate ENOUGH…or that I couldn’t absorb my meditations. (Ahh, whyyy??)
  • I felt like there was still so much I. Had. To. Doooo. (And my lists included crazy long items like ‘find your real passion’, ‘go after new sources of income,’ ‘complete hours of online marketing classes,’ ‘discover meaning of life’, etc (okay, maybe not exactly that last one…)
  • I felt like my days off were passing me by and I kept getting sucked into Google and Facebook vortexes (ahh, this STILL upsets me now, haha..)

But when I called Jane and just talked on and on (even when it was repetitive), I started to feel better. I calmed down a bit.

Even though none of the things on my crazy to do list had gotten done while I was talking, and Jane had heard it all before, it just helped to talk.

And it helped to have someone just listening. Happily. Patiently. Again. And again. And again.

Thank you, Jane.

Do you have friends like that? Or maybe a family member? A coworker? Or even a therapist?

I try hard to be that kind of friend. Because I really think it’s everything to be heard when you’re feeling anxious..or even when you just want to talk about nothing. Even if- ESPECIALLY IF- you feel like you’re being repetitive. Or ridiculous.

There are going to be those crazy weird days, even if most days are good…even if you’re a spiritual, flow of love optimist. It’s the way of the world!

So phone a friend when it happens. Talk it out. It may actually make your day better.

  • This is probably not the phone you'd want to use, though.
    This is probably not the phone you’d want to use, though.

Finally…an all-natural deodorant that works!

January 6, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

I used to eat a lot of junk food. In high school, I remember eating greasy pizza for lunch and then having a “snack” of a McDonald’s burger and fries. My desire to change my eating habits stemmed from a superficial goal of wanting to lose weight. But as I ate better, I discovered I felt better and the habit was re-inforced. Now that I’m a much healthier eater, I’m trying to tackle other areas of my health.

On my journey to live healthier and happier in my thirties, I’ve decided that I’m going to try to use all-natural products, products that don’t contain those dreaded parabens and toxic chemicals. Too often I forget that our skin is our largest organ, and absorbs those products we slather on ourselves.

I won’t replace all my products at once, because I am grad student after all. I’m simply starting by switching each product out for an all-natural one once I’ve used up my old drug store brand. My first product swap: deodorant. From what I’ve read, this is perhaps one of the most toxic of all the beauty products out there. This is mainly for two reasons: 1) Most deodorants contain aluminum that has been linked to various diseases and 2) Your underarm skin is incredibly sensitive and nearly 100% of what you put on this area is absorbed into your blood stream.

Over the years, I’ve tried lots of different all-natural deodorants – from Tom’s of Maine to that weird crystal stick. None of them worked for me; the scent always ended up fading away and leaving me with an au natural fragrance that I wasn’t too thrilled with. But I can finally say that I’ve found one that works.

I saw this new product by a brand called Refyll in a market near my house in LA, and something about the display drew me in. Perhaps it was the ads with store testimonials that said “This actually works!” I also asked the cashier what she thought, and she backed the ad up, “It actually works!” I also love the scents, they smell earthy and vaguely masculine.

deodorant

It was $12.50, and yes, perhaps that’s a bit indulgent for deodorant, I’m hoping it lasts at least two months  and I love knowing exactly what is going into my body. (And just so you know, this is not a sponsored post.)

Am I Liable if I Marry Into Debt?

January 5, 2015 By in Money, Relationships Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 20 Comments

The other day a friend of mine and I were having dinner and she was discussing buying a house with her boyfriend. They’d been together for some time and were hoping to get married within the next few years.

“I’m wondering though,” she said, “if I’ll take on his debt when I marry him. ”

For the last two or three years, the number of people I know who are engaged, about to be engaged, or married has skyrocketed. This definitely corresponds with the thirties- many people hitting their thirties are (possibly) beginning to settle down and find others they want to be with for the rest of their lives. Not everyone, of course, but it’s definitely been a trend.

Which is why I was surprised that I didn’t know the answer- I felt like I’d researched this before, and the answer was no, but I couldn’t be positive. I actually forgot to look up the answer that night and then today Suze Orman just happened to bring it up on her podcast.

For anyone about to be married and wondering about it, the answer is:  NO, YOU WILL NOT LEGALLY INCUR ANY OF YOUR SPOUSE’S DEBT FROM BEFORE YOU WERE MARRIED. (Big sigh of relief!!) If your spouse incurred debt BEFORE you got married, it’s his or her debt ALONE. Of course, you can help with the debt, and some would say that once you’re married you share everything, including debt. But LEGALLY, debt incurred by one spouse before a marriage doesn’t touch the other one. No one is going to come after you for your spouse’s debt, and if they do they are JUST TRYING TO SCARE YOU. 

To avoid all the clarification questions Suze Orman (and all the finance websites I’ve been to) get all the time, I will clarify up front: the debt you’re NOT liable for includes EVERYTHING before marriage. It includes student loan debt, credit card debt, auto loan debt, tax debt, bank loans, EVERYTHING. You’re legally liable for NONE OF IT.

HOWEVER, debt incurred AFTER you get married is totally different. If you get married and your spouse suddenly gets into a lot of debt, that debt will be legally yours too IF you live in what are known as “Community Property States.”

Community-property states include Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, Wisconsin and the territory of Puerto Rico. Alaska also allows married couples to opt in to community-property status. Most people do not :p

If you’re NOT in any of these states, you’re in what’s known as a Common Law state. This means that in general if your spouse gets into debt, you’re not legally responsible. There are exceptions here such as if you open a joint account together and that account goes into collections (obviously, because now BOTH your names are on the account.)

Hope this solves things for any of you newly marrieds or almost-newlyweds! If any of our Canadian, UK, and other international readers would like to weigh in on the policy in your country, I’d love to learn about that (and I’m sure others would too!)

Sorry if this wasn’t the most fun topic ever, but it’s an important one as we head through the thirties. Here’s some funny photos of a flash mob I did once to lighten the mood, haha:

There were 50 of us dressed as brides and we stormed Times Square and took a lot of people by surprise.

There were 50 of us dressed as brides and we stormed Times Square and took a lot of people by surprise.

We were promoting a pretty terrible movie called "The Big Wedding." ;)

We were promoting a pretty terrible movie called “The Big Wedding.” 😉

 

Below are some links for even more details about marriage and debt:

The Simple Dollar: http://www.thesimpledollar.com/financial-infidelity-4-steps-for-healing-marriages-torn-by-finances/

Bankrate- http://www.bankrate.com/finance/debt/wife-not-married-to-spouse-s-old-debts-1.aspx#ixzz3Nzez1PNj

Nolo- http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/debt-marriage-owe-spouse-debts-29572.html

Lifehacker- http://twocents.lifehacker.com/how-to-protect-your-credit-when-you-marry-into-debt-1576458795

 

 

 

Growing Up and Aging Anxiety

January 3, 2015 By in Career, Health and Wellness Tags: , 12 Comments

I’m not ashamed to admit that my favorite magazines are Real Simple and O Magazine.  They’re inspiring and have good recipes and life hacking/efficiency ideas to boot. (Am I a middle aged woman at heart? Perhaps.) While I miss the days of Jane and Sassy, most “women’s” magazines now kind of suck. Instead of creating content for the readers, the writers in beauty editorial seem to work for the PR departments of major beauty brands who push them to advertise their products.

Anyway, I came across a quote I loved in January’s issue of O Magazine (the one with the very clearly photoshopped image of a lion and Oprah on the cover.) There’s a great article by writer Amy Maclin titled  “Educating Amy,” about her experiences with self-help seminars and programs. In the article she talks about the aging anxiety she experienced in her 40s. There was one line that deeply resonated with me. She writes,“I still hadn’t grown up, and yet I was growing old.” 

Have you ever felt that way? I have! I mean, I’m only 32, but I still feel at times like I’m either A) an insecure teenager, B) A wildly optimistic kid, C) an overly cerebral college junior, D) None of the above but clearly not a bonafide ‘adult.’

Maybe the answer to this aging anxiety is that we need to shift our ideas of what “growing up” means. Or maybe there’s really no such thing as “growing up” at all.

Have You Found Yourself Not Going Out Much After You Turned 30?

January 2, 2015 By in Friendships, Grab Bag, Relationships Tags: , , , , , , , , , 23 Comments

It’s a funny thing- a day or two before New Years Eve, my roommates asked me if I was going to any kind of party or bar or would watch the ball drop on the big day and I was immediately just like ‘no.’

I didn’t feel at all bad about it. In fact, I didn’t feel one teeny weeny eentsy weentsy bit bad. I was actually relieved. I liked the idea of doing nothing on New Years Eve.

And both of them agreed. ‘No one seems to be doing anything for New Years,’ they said happily. They both had no particular plans- one of them was going to a friends house where they’d have some wine, but that was it. It was almost a gleeful realization- we don’t necessarily have to do anything for New Years and we’re still happy.

I actually ended up working a small but well-paying event on New Years Eve and then spending the rest of the night (the last 15 minutes of 2014) with my mom. We stayed in and watched the ball drop on tv. It was peaceful.

At first I thought it was a ‘being single on New Years Eve’ thing but that didn’t seem to be it at all. Many of my other friends who were in relationships or even married had a similar experience. ‘I stayed in. It was nice.’ was the most popular answer to the New Years Eve question.

And I wondered, ‘does this come with the territory of the 30s?’

For me, it doesn’t really have anything to do with the 30s. It started in my 20s. I’ve never been a huge clubber. I love house parties and chill bars, and can definitely throw back a few drinks, but even when I was 21, I was never a major partier. But perhaps it’s easier to admit that in the 30s.

Our awesome blogger friend Karen over at Confetti and Curves (she’s a sweetheart and has an incredible beauty blog) interviews other bloggers all the time with multiple questions- but my favorite is always: Describe your ideal Saturday night. The answers are just about always in favor of staying in, or going out but keeping things chill:

“At the ripe old age of 32, I’d rather spend the night in then go out. My Husband and I may just go to the bookstore and hang out, play video games, and order take out. I like to keep it low key since my weeks between school and work are so hectic.” -Jamie, http://www.sincerelymissdesign.com

“Casual dinner and a movie out (with a GIANT bucket of buttered popcorn), followed by relaxing on the couch with more TV. (I love TV, what can I say?)” –Amber, https://amberunglamor.wordpress.com/ (I love this answer!)

“Pyjamas + Duvet + My Boyfriend + Chinese takeaway = Perfect Night in.” -Amy, www.blondeamy.wordpress.com

“Takeaway, a great film & a bottle of Prosecco.” -Laura, www.littlelauras.com

“On an ideal Saturday night, the kids are getting along with each other and agree to help me clean up our messes before we all sit down and watch a movie together.” -Ashley, www.phytopretty.com

“A night in with food, comfort and a good conversation.” -Hajara, https://chocolatefrosst.wordpress.com

And the list goes on. It’s fascinating.

Sometimes I wonder- Is it just more acceptable now to stay in more often than go out? Are people just more comfortable admitting it when they’re older? Or does it just seem like a trend to me but actually isn’t one at all?

Are you guys going out less in your 30s? And are you happy about it? Or do you feel like you’re missing out?

Or are you out partying right this second and way too drunk to even read this post? It is Friday night, after all.

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Last year I actually did go to a party on New Years Eve with some coworkers in Indianapolis (we traveled there for work). After working all day, it ended up being lot of fun after all. For sure, staying in isn’t always the best answer 😉

Here’s to Consistently Improving in 2015!

January 1, 2015 By in Career, Health and Wellness Tags: , Leave a comment

Happy New Year! I hope your first day of 2015 felt like the start to an auspicious year. Today I relaxed with my dude and watched some of my favorite TV shows, worked a bit on some projects, and also fit in a hike in Rustic Canyon here in LA. This was where, after huffing and puffing my way up a series of stairs, I discovered that I am ridiculously unfit and clearly need to add cardio to my New Year’s resolutions.

Whatever your personal hopes for the New Year may be, I want you to go easy on yourself. Big changes happen with tiny steps. I believe that we undervalue tiny changes. When we see people transform their lives on shows like The Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover, the transformations happen in these huge “all or nothing” ways. We’re bombarded with the message that if our life changes aren’t big and sweeping, then they aren’t going to be effective.

But that’s a crock of sh**! Even five minutes a day of a new habit adds up. I became a writer through 20 minutes of writing a day. Years ago, I remember telling Laura I was going to devote myself to 20 minutes a day of putting words on a page. I did it. And honestly, I got a TON DONE. Way more than I ever thought. That’s how I wrote my first major play.

Now I write a lot more than that, but even more important – I write nearly every day. Whether it’s more outlining than actual writing, I’m usually at work on some project. Even writing for this blog counts. But it all began with 20 minutes a day.

And even 20 minutes can be a lot. So why not start with 5 minutes a day of whatever it is you want to accomplish? Establishing a new habit is very much about creating mental (or actual physical) muscle memory. It’s also about consistency. Doing something everyday is way more important than doing it intensively once in a awhile.

So here’s to tiny changes! Or, as Richard Dreyfuss’ character says in the comedy classic “What About Bob,” Baby Steps...

How Do You Really Want To Feel?

December 31, 2014 By in Friendships, Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , 2 Comments

I just want to start this off by saying Happy New Years Eve! Thanks so much for reading and being part of this! We appreciate it immensely and we can’t wait to hang out here with all you guys in 2015!!

So, I’ve been thinking about resolutions for awhile and what they really mean. I covered my financial ones in the last post, but I have some different resolutions I want to share with you here.

Two weeks ago, my workload finally started to lighten up and my holiday time off began. This should have been a time for celebration, but instead it provoked a time of anxiety. This always happens to me- I somehow thought my thirties would start off differently, but they didn’t. My to do list filled up quickly with all the items I hadn’t been able to do because I’d been working out of town. All the major projects (write my one woman show, learn to code HTML, take 6 new classes, find new sources of income, see every friend I’ve been wanting to see plus family, etc) I’d been thinking about came to the forefront and made their way onto my to do list. Plus, there were all the little to-do items like clean the apartment, get laundry done, make more to-do lists, and other small things that still take up time.

At the peak of my anxiety, my roommate casually asked me how I was doing. I told her that I should be doing great, because I have all this time off, but instead I was just worrying more about all the random things I “have” to do. My nerves were fraying when they should be resting.

My roommate told me that she used to get anxious about things like that, but a few years ago, she started concentrating on how she wanted to feel instead. She picked four feelings that she was really after, including feeling alive and abundant. When she started getting anxious or obsessed with to do lists, she went back to her feeling list. Was she feeling alive? If she wasn’t, she simply concentrated on her breathing. When you’re really concentrating on your breathing, you truly have to begin feeling alive- breathing is the literal definition of being alive! It’s at least a great start.

When she was feeling down, she remembered how she wanted to feel abundant. So she made lists of thing she was grateful for and good things that had happened during the day- they could be as small as ‘my apartment is warm. I’m so happy to have my coffee today.’ There’s always something that can make you feel abundant. Most of us live in first world countries- true abundance!

So I’ve stolen her idea (well, she generously gave it to me.) She even said I could use the feelings she chose. So I took ‘abundant’ for myself and you can too if you like. This year, my goal is to go back to the feelings I want to feel even if I’m feeling blah or anxious. Even when I haven’t done it for awhile. Even when I’ve forgotten for weeks. I don’t have to stay down- I can choose to feel differently.

For 2015 I’ve chosen to feel present, abundant, joyous, and radiant. It’s a lot to bite off at once, I know. But I will concentrate on one at a time.

I know it’s hard. I know it doesn’t always work- sometimes sad and anxious feelings take over, and that’s okay. It’s good even. Let them in! But you don’t have to make them permanent guests. Go ahead and choose abundance!

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How Much Sleep Should a 30-Something Get?

December 30, 2014 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , Leave a comment

Remember a while back when I shared that I purchased a Jawbone Up? Well, after a few weeks of wearing it (on and off), I’ve found it’s pretty awesome. It’s a wrist bracelet that tracks my steps per day and the amount of sleep I get, breaking it down into “light” versus “deep” sleep. More than anything, I’m fascinated by the amount of sleep I get. For me, sleep is invaluable. It’s a huge health priority for me and I know that I only function well with 7-9 hours of sleep a night.

Here’s what the sleep graph on Jawbone Up looks like. (And no, I don’t sleep 10 hours a night regularly! This was one of my post-flight, jet-lag nights of sleep. But man, a night of 10 hours sleep feels really good.)

sleep trackersleep tracker 1

What’s cool about Jawbone Up is that they give you little facts about how you compare to other people in your same demographic. I’m not sure if you can read the text in the above right image, but it says that I get “1 hr 20min more Sound sleep than other women in their 30s. They average 3 hr 13min of Sound sleep per night.” But that was not an average night for me. Usually, I average about 7 and a half hours a night. It was cool to see how that particular night of sleep compares to other women my age.

So how much sleep should a 30-something get? Looks like the scientific advice is 7-9 hours per night, according to this article on Slate. In addition, I’ve read that you should try and learn how to fall asleep within 30 minutes of laying down. Not sure exactly how one goes about doing that, but creating a sleep ritual is a nice idea.

To happy and healthy sleeping in 2015!

How to Set Goals for Finances- New Years Resolutions Series

December 29, 2014 By in Money Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

The countdown to 2015 continues…though hopefully no one’s standing outside in Times Square yet waiting for the ball to drop. You never know, though. I wouldn’t put it past people.

Anyway, I thought I’d kick off some New Years resolution money talk for thirty-somethings.

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Last year, I made a resolution to put 30 percent of every paycheck I received towards savings, student loan debt and retirement. I actually started doing this slightly before New Years so I cheated a bit.

I split up the 30 percent this way- 10 percent went into my Roth IRA, 10 percent towards my savings, and 10 percent towards my smallest student loan. (My largest student loan already had a crazy amount of money going towards it because its minimum was so high. But I digress.)

And I followed my financial resolutions through thick and thin for the whole year and am continuing with them. There was a moment where I even tried to up my payout percentage to 40%, but that was way too much. Other than that- the 30% resolution was actually quite simple: whenever I received a paycheck I’d log onto Chase.com and make my transfers. There was something extremely satisfying about the whole thing.

If you’re making financial resolutions for the New Year, my advice is much like Jane’s in her last post: break down the goal into easy steps. My financial resolutions last year were simply:

1. Put money into savings

2. Pay down student loan

3. Put money into Roth IRA

A lot less would have gotten done if I’d stopped there instead of making the simple breakdown of 10% from every paycheck towards each category.

So, if you have savings goals, save yourself a headache and break them down into steps that seem so easy as to be almost automatic. In fact, you can even automate the savings process by having your bank automatically put a certain amount of money into your Roth IRA and savings account every month. Just about all banks will do this for you.

Since I’m self-employed and am paid a different amount every month, I kept my process manual. Also, I get a gleeful joy out of manually saving money, but I’m weird like that.

Anyway, this year my financial goals are:

1) Pay extra $$ towards my BIG student loan

-This is broken down into the easy steps of

a) Finish paying down the little student loan the same way I was before. Just about done!

b) Put the 10% (plus the monthly minimum) I was putting into the small loan towards the big loan instead.

Tada!

2) Find a savings account that pays way more interest than my bank. 

– Done! I guess once more I cheated on this one…I did it last week before New Years. But don’t worry if you hate your savings account, I’ll talk about better ones in another post soon and help you set that up too if you like. For now, if you’re interested in how much you should be saving, I wrote about it here.

3) Switch my Retirement Plan from a Vanguard Target Date fund to a different Vanguard account now that I have more money in my Roth IRA. 

– This involves a couple of breakdown steps including investigating Vanguard’s other options and figuring out more about how to manually choose funds. I’ll explain why I’m doing this in another post as well. And if you’re interested in retirement plans in general (or if you don’t know what the heck I’m talking about), I talk all about why retirement accounts are important here and here and here.

Of course, there’s my fourth financial resolution which I haven’t yet broken down, and that’s:

4) Discover additional sources of income. 

I lied about not having this goal last year. I have this goal every year, and I’m always messing with the breakdown. There’s quite a bit of work ahead. Sometimes breaking down resolutions can be as tough as keeping them 😉

What are some of your financial resolutions for the new year?