Monthly Archives: March 2015

How To Say Goodbye

March 12, 2015 By in Friendships Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

“I have to go.”

Why are those words so hard to say sometimes?

Occasionally I’m on the phone and have to get off for whatever reason. Sometimes I really need to go to sleep because I have work very early in the morning. Other times I have to do work right then- maybe I’m in the middle of packing for a trip or doing my taxes or getting ready to go out.

I’ve never gotten much better at cutting off long conversations gracefully, even though I’m in my 30’s. I still find it super difficult.

If I was talking to someone I didn’t really like, then it’d be easy to get off the phone with them. I’d wait for the quickest pause, and then interrupt with ‘I’m so sorry, I better go to sleep because I have to wake up at 6am tomorrow” or “Sorry, I’m going into a subway tunnel,” or whatever. But why would I be talking on the phone to someone I didn’t really like? Usually, I have the opposite problem- I’m talking with somebody that I really DO like, and I know I have to go, but I don’t really want to. However, I’m getting more and more anxious about the time. Then I can barely concentrate on a conversation I really like, because I’m distracted by when I need to end it, and I don’t really get to enjoy the end of the talk anyway. And then I’m late.

This happens to me in person too. Sometimes I know I have to be somewhere or do something, but I’m just having the best time hanging out with someone. Then it starts getting later and later and anxiety creeps in. I’m worried I’m going to be late somewhere and I get distracted and can’t enjoy myself as much.

I wish I was better at figuring out these situations. Not only am I fighting myself with my obligations versus fun friend time, but I’m also worried about hurting another person’s feelings by cutting them off in the middle of a great conversation.

Jane, my lovely co-blogger, is way better at finagling this than I am, so I ran the issue by her. Even though I’ve experienced her gracefully end conversations with me numerous times because she had to run, she told me that even she feels like she has major problems here and feels anxious about it.

I’m trying to recount how she, and other friends of mine, are able to end conversations so tactfully and without hurting my feelings. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

1. Find the quickest pause and then start with something nice.

In order to end the conversation, start with telling the other person how much you’ve loved talking to them so far. For example: “This has been so great, …but I have to get home and pack or I’ll get no sleep. I’m so sorry!”

2. Start the conversation with an end in mind.

If you know you have to end at a certain point, preface with that. For example, “Just so you know, I can’t talk too long because I have to pack for my Tahiti trip tomorrow. I apologize!” (Darn those Tahiti trips.)

3. Make a new plan

You can always end with a raincheck. For example, “This was great. Sorry I have to run…maybe we can catch up again tomorrow? You around?”

That’s all I’ve got. I’m going to try implementing these strategies and see how I feel. What do you guys think? Are you good at ending conversations gracefully? Do you worry about hurting others’ feelings? Or missing out on something great?

9b5aacf083f3a9941b3fa91a254ee573

What to Do When You Feel Overwhelmed

March 11, 2015 By in Health and Wellness 2 Comments

I woke up this morning with anxiety, the kind of chest tightening, global feeling anxiety. I couldn’t quite place it – where it was coming from and why, but it’s been uncomfortable all day. When I thought more about the feeling over the course of the day, I began to place why I was anxious. I have final projects for grad school due soon, an uncomfortable conversation to have, and plans that are up in the air for tonight in addition to lots of other small tasks that have piled up. Combined, these things created a ball of anxiety that is currently sitting in my chest, annoying the crap out of me and making me feel overwhelmed.

So what do I do? Well, I have a few tactics that I’ve learned over the years to help me feel less overwhelmed. Maybe they can be of some use to you too.

1. What’s the Worst That Could Happen? 

Usually, even if everything went wrong – the situation I’m dealing with still wouldn’t be so bad. Think about what you’re worried about – and let’s say the worst case scenario happened – would you still be alive? Probably. Then that’s enough. You can get through it.

2. Take the Smallest Possible Step in a Productive Direction 

Procrastinating on a project or sending a dreaded email? Take the tiniest step possible towards accomplishing that goal. For me, I force myself to do just 10 minutes of whatever dreaded thing I’ve got going on. Once I’ve finished the 10 minutes, I realize it wasn’t so bad, and I usually keep on going. But if I don’t, so be it. Ten minutes is better than no minutes. Don’t underestimate the effect of small amounts of time put towards a big goal.

3. Slow Down 

Think of yourself as a turtle. Make every decision in as deliberate a way as possible. Focus on each thing you’re doing during each moment as completely as you can. This ties into the whole zen idea of being fully present in all of your tasks.

“If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to wash the dishes.” What’s more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink.” – Thích Nhất Hạnh

4. Write it Down 

Take out a pen and paper and write down all the things that are contributing to your anxiety. Sometimes they won’t all come up at once, so be prepared to be constantly adding to the list throughout the day. Just having a single spot where all your worries are kept seems to help me tremendously.

Hope these help you as much as they’ve helped me!

Screen Shot 2015-03-11 at 5.19.45 PM

What the hell, Tinder?! Blatant Ageism Towards People Over Thirty in the Online Dating Sphere

March 10, 2015 By in Money, Relationships Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Tinder recently introduced a form of “surge pricing” for its famous dating app. They’re now charging American singles 30+ years of age twice what those under 30 will pay. The app will be $9.99 for those under 30, and $19.99 for those 30 and older.

In the UK, Tinder will charge the 28 and older single crowd more than FOUR times the cost for younger generations. Converted from pounds, this comes out to around $23 compared to around $6!

The price change comes as Tinder introduces it’s new Premium upgrade, Tinder Plus. If you use the free version of Tinder, it will still be free…for now.

Tinder can get away with charging whatever the heck it feels like because it’s owned by IAC/InterActiveCorp, which controls 27 percent of of the $2.2 billion dating-services industry. Included in IAC’s portfolio are Match.com and OkCupid. Heard of them?

Although I’ve personally never used Tinder (well, I’ve swiped through on a friend’s app), this price surging strikes me as blatant ageism. It’s discrimination pure and simple! Isn’t it difficult enough to be over 30 and single? Does there really need to be a dating app pointing out that you’re too old and therefore not as valuable to the online dating scene? There’s already a shameful age bias to being single over thirty – does Tinder really need to add to it?

Although it’s TINDER afterall, and you might expect them to pull a dick move like this, it’s still making a pretty awful statement. Tinder’s singling out older daters…just because it can. Even TechCrunch wrote an article titled New Tinder Charges Whatever It Wants. They say, “older users, who theoretically have less supply and offer less demand, pay a greater amount for extra dating tools.” Tinder’s excuse is basically that it’s courting the younger crowd, who “are more budget constrained, and need a lower price to pull the trigger.”

I get the idea of this excuse (younger people are poorer), but the policy still sends a crappy message to quite a large group of “older” singles (who aren’t old at all). Plus, people in their 20’s aren’t necessarily poorer than people in their 30’s anyway. And the excuse just seems like a blatant marketing lie. Wired magazine says, in their article titled Yes, Tinder’s New Pricing is Ageist Pure And Simple, “why not just be honest: Tinder is charging us more because it thinks we are desperate. Desperate to find our last chance at love and willing to pay whatever it takes.”

I’m hoping that singles over 30 boycott the Premium Tinder until this price difference is adjusted. Possibly, we should boycott Tinder altogether for making such a biased statement. Hopefully Tinder gets the message and comes up with a middle ground price that’s equal for all ages.

Do I think this is likely? Nope. Do I think dating in your 30’s is fair? Nope. But one can dream.

download (5)

And We’re Almost Done with the First 1/4 of 2015…

March 9, 2015 By in Grab Bag 2 Comments

It’s March 9th and we’re rounding the corner on finishing the first fourth of 2015. Can you believe that? As trite as it is to say, but I’m going to say it anyway, time truly does fly. It’s so easy to get off-track on your big goals during the day-to-day of living life. I was thinking a lot about this after I received a text from a friend this morning asking about my birthday weekend. She said she hoped that my weekend had given me a chance to reflect on my year and my future. I loved this, because it’s so important to be reminded to reflect and make sure you’re headed in the direction you want to go.

So I ask you today – have you stuck to your 2015 resolutions? Did you get closer to your goals in January, February and the start of March?

Personally, I’ve definitely done some great writing, creating work I’m proud of (big goal #1). But in terms of health and wellness, I haven’t been eating all too well or exercising much lately. Can I blame this on graduate school? Perhaps. I did make a somewhat small-ish New Years’ resolution that I’ve kept so far – not being hungover at all in 2015. And so far, so good. It might seem small to some folks, but I have social anxiety sometimes, and I end up drinking too much at parties or events where I’m around strangers. Also, for me, 3 drinks or more usually results in being hungover. An extra glass of wine can be the tipping point to losing my Sunday to low energy.

So as your first 1/4 of 2015 rounds down, ask yourself if you’re directing your time and energy in the way you set out to in those inspired early days of 2015.

Because, where do you want to be when….

Unknown

rolls around?

Happy Birthday to My Best Friend!!!

March 8, 2015 By in Friendships Tags: , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

Yayyyy!!! Today is Jane’s birthday!!!

The amazing 33! Woohoo!!!!

Happy Birthday to the best Best Friend and Co-Blogger a girl could ask for!! 

I wish I was there to celebrate with you, Jane! But I know you’re having a blast vacationing with your man in Palm Springs! 🙂

Even though you lose an hour of your day to Daylight Savings Time, we’re going to officially call this Jane’s complete birthday week! So there will be many hours more added to the celebration time!

Thanks to our wonderful readers and friends for joining us as we all continue to celebrate birthdays together!

old jane w glasses

Or spending time with my friend..

 

25740_900803151109_1151481_n

 

IMG_0105

 

IMG_0011

photo 2

Love you!!!

 

 

Advice for your 30s from Judi Dench

March 6, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: Leave a comment

Who doesn’t love the powerhouse actress Dame Judi Dench? She’s talented, elegant, classy and makes getting older seem like a gift (Can you believe she’s nearly 80? She has such a youthful spirit!). The other day I saw this article, Judi Dench’s advice to her 30-year-old self on Stylist.co.uk and as I suspected, her kick-ass insights into living your best life weren’t cliche or broad like “follow your bliss!”.

One of her best pieces of advice was “Use fear to your advantage.” I love this, because one of life’s greatest motivators is fear – fear of failing, fear of not finding stable job, fear of not finding love or connection, etc. While you can try to fight against that fear, why not embrace it? Use the fear to guide you. For me, fear tends to be one of my most energizing emotions (that and anger, of course). Fear pushes me to work harder and do everything I can to avoiding ‘losing’ things – friends, jobs, opportunities, etc.

Two others pieces of advice that I loved were “Never stop being surprised by things” and “Fill your house with pets.” After spending a week with our first foster dog Chase last week, I realized how much happier I felt on the whole. All the cliche things you hear about dogs ended up being true – I talked to our neighbors more and I felt more lighthearted and less anxious.

Judi Dench

Thanks, Dame Judi Dench! (Now if you could just let me know how your skin looks so awesome. Thanks.)

Oh, and P.S. – We’ll be making the “Advice for your 30s” a regular part of this blog going forward, so stay tuned!

Credits vs Adjustments vs Deductions, The Most Common Tax Questions in Your Thirties- Part 3

March 5, 2015 By in Money Tags: , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

On to the next one! The next tax question pertinent to those of us in our thirties, that is…

Yesterday, I wrote about Standard Deductions vs Itemized Deductions. Today I will attempt to explain Credits vs Adjustments vs Deductions in the simplest way possible.

It took me forever to understand the difference in these terms (they’re slippery). If you can grasp them, you’re miles ahead of the tax curve..so let’s start 🙂

TOTAL INCOME: So let’s say you’re single and you make $60,000 total this year in income, including every penny that goes in your pocket. That’s your total income. 

ADJUSTMENT (also known as ABOVE THE LINE deductions): Now, let’s say you paid $1,500 in student loan interest this year and contributed $3000 to a traditional IRA (retirement account). No matter whether you decide to take the standard deduction or itemize your deductions (both standard deductions and itemized deductions are known as Below the Line Deductions), you can subtract your student loan interest of $1500 and the traditional IRA contributions of $3000 from your total income! This is because they are adjustments. And adjustments are great! So your Adjusted Gross Income would be $55,500. ($60,000 – $1,500 – $3000 = $55,500). 

To clarify more regarding adjustments, let’s say you still made $60,000 in total income, and you still paid $1,500 in student loan interest this year and contributed $3000 to a traditional IRA. But you also gave $500 to charity and paid $1000 in medical expenses. If you took the standard deduction on your taxes ($6,300 this year for single filers), you would still able to subtract the adjustments (student loan interest and health insurance contributions) from your total income but couldn’t subtract the $500 given to charity and the $1000 in medical expenses because they count as itemized deductions. If you itemized your deductions, you could subtract the student loan interest, retirement account money paid, AND charity donations AND medical expenses. This doesn’t mean that you should itemize though- only itemize if your itemized deductions exceed $6,300 (the standard deduction) this year!

CREDIT: So far, we’ve only talked about subtracting from your total income. How about subtracting from your tax bill? Sound good?

So lets say you have to pay $6000 in taxes. If you have a credit, it will reduce that bill dollar for dollar. So if you have a $2,000 credit, your tax bill will be $4,000 (6,000-2000). Credits are the best to have but also the hardest to come by. Credits you could possibly take include the Credit for Child and Dependent Care expenses, the Child Credit, and education credits (like the Lifetime Learning Credit and the Hope Credit).

Let’s illustrate all of this below:

Total income (sum of all your income)
— Above the line deductions
=  Adjusted gross income ← “The Line”
— Standard deduction or itemized deductions
— Exemptions (you can always take an exemption for yourself, and then more for your dependents. Right now the exemption per person is $3,950.)
=  Taxable income

Here’s our example plugged in:

$60,000 Total Income
— $4,500 Above the line deductions (adjustments)
= $54,500 Adjusted Gross Income ← “the line”
— $3,950 Exemption
— $6,200 Standard deduction
= $44,350 Taxable Income

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have any questions or comments! 🙂

Standard Deduction vs Itemized Deductions, The Most Common Tax Questions in Your Thirties- Part 2

March 4, 2015 By in Money Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

It’s still tax time! If you finished your taxes already, kudos to you!

For everyone else, lets get some more questions answered..(and for the record, I haven’t finished mine either, so don’t worry).  🙂

Also, if you didn’t get to read Part 1 of Tax Questions Answered, click here.

I do my parents’ taxes every year and just finished their 2014 filing this weekend. However, I recently realized that even though they always take the standard deduction, I still spend time calculating their itemized charitable contributions- even though that particular type of contribution (charitable) doesn’t factor in on your taxes if you take the standard deduction.

If the paragraph above made no sense to you, let me clarify below. We’ll start with some terminology I feel like I should know all of this now that I’m thirty, but some of it I actually had to dig into a bit, so I’ll explain it pretty piecemeal here:

Gross Income= What you make in a year, including EVERYTHING, from Jan 1 to Dec 31 (you, of course, probably already know this one).

Adjusted Gross Income= Your taxable income after you subtract certain ADJUSTMENTS but before you subtract either the Standard Deduction or your Itemized Deductions (you can only subtract one or the other of those two types of deductions)).

Standard Deduction= An amount you can always subtract from the gross income you’ll be taxed on, as long as you don’t subtract your itemized deductions instead. The standard deduction for the 2014 tax year is:

  • Single or married filing separately: $6,300
  • Married filing jointly: $12,600
  • Head of household: $9,250

Itemized Deduction (not the standard deduction kind)= These are deductions you can take if you decide NOT to take the standard deduction. These include but aren’t limited to: medical and dental expenses that exceed 7.5% of your AGI (Adjusted Gross Income), property taxes, your state and local income or sales taxes, charitable donations you make, work related travel, union dues. 

So if you’re trying to decide whether to take the standard deduction or itemize your deductions, you want to basically choose whichever one is larger.

Here’s an example: Let’s say you’re unmarried with no children and make $50,000…And you can itemize these deductions:

  1. $1000 in work related unreimbursed travel
  2. $500 in medical expenses
  3. $400 in state and local taxes
  4. $100 in clothes donated to goodwill

This equals $2000 in Itemized donations. If you chose to itemize deductions, you’ll be taxed on $48,000 (50,000-$2000). If you took the standard deduction, you’ll be taxed on $43,700 ($50,000-$6,300). So you’d want to take the standard deduction for sure, because you want to be taxed on less income and pay less money 🙂

I’ll stop here for now, but hope this was somewhat helpful! Next time, I’ll talk about Adjustments and Credits, and how they can reduce your tax bill even further!

As always, please let me know if you have any questions or anything to add. Thanks!

Tax-Deductions1

Birthdays That End in the Number 9

March 3, 2015 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

I recently read that we have a tendency to make big life decisions in the last year before we enter a new decade – basically in our 29th, 39th, 49th and onward birthday years. This was documented in a research paper in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences published in 2014.

Apparently and somewhat intuitively, right before we enter a new decade of life, we begin to contemplate how we can change our path forward. It’s our step-back, re-evaluation period of life. We want to find meaning in our lives as we head into another decade.

What was interesting about the study was that people either made positive life changes (choosing to run their first marathon) or quite drastically negative ones (committing suicide).

Here’s an article published in NY Mag that talks more specifically about the life changes people are drawn to during their end of decade year(s).

Did you make any big changes/goals when you turned 29 or 39? Personally, I had three major life changes. I decided to go to graduate school (though I did know I wanted to go before 30). I also got engaged soon after turning 30. And I knew I wanted to try living somewhere other than New York City, where I had spent my whole life.

How about you?

Happy Birthday Leap Year Day Baby!

March 2, 2015 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

Are you in your thirties but born February 29th? Then we want to say a very happy belated birthday to you, Leap Day Baby! How exciting that you’re in only 7 or 8 years old!

For those of us that know leap day babies, or are just curious about leap year (which wasn’t this year but will happen next year, here are some interesting leap year facts:

Leap year happens every 4 years and will next occur February 29, 2016.

Leap year occurs in February because February used to be the last month of the year.

Leap Day Babies got that nickname (as opposed to calling them Leap YEAR Babies) because the whole year is leap year. They were born ON Leap Day IN a Leap Year.

People born on February 29 are all invited to join The Honor society of Leap Year Day Babies.

Guinness Book of Records verifies a family with three consecutive generations born on February 29- the Keogh family. Peter Anthony was born in Ireland on February 29, 1940, his son Peter Eric was born on Leap Day in the United Kingdom in 1964. His daughter, Bethany Wealth, was born in the UK on February 29, 1996.

Julius Caesar introduced the leap year around 45 BC.

About 4 million people in the world have been born on a leap year.

 

40th bday