I recently saw the new Noah Baumbach movie, While We’re Young. He’s the same filmmaker behind Frances Ha, which was an absolute gem of a movie about female friendship and if you haven’t seen it, SEE IT NOW. Anyway, the premise of While We’re Young is basically that a childless couple in their 40s form a friendship with a young, free-spirited artistic couple in their 20s who force them to re-evaluate their lives.

I loved the film because it explores topics I’m interested in, including: what success means, choosing whether or not to have children, how age affects our expectations, friendships over time, etc.

Even though I’m in my thirties, I related to the older couple and how they had fallen into more comfortable day-to-day existence that their 20-something selves would probably scoff at. I think a lot of thirty-somethings can relate to the movie, especially because our paths oftentimes start to diverge from our friends causing distance and sometimes, resentment.

Check out the trailer below:

Since I’m getting my MFA in screenwriting and TV writing, I keep an eye on TV shows and films that are being green lit by studios and networks (meaning they are going into production). Today in the industry publication Variety, I saw that a reality show about 40th birthday parties is heading to series:

“My Fab 40th”
 Produced by Fremantle North America, and developed by Purveyors of Pop, with Thom Beers, Matt Anderson, Nate Green, and Maty Buss serving as executive producers.

Delve into the world of extravagant 40th birthday parties where people put some serious “happy” into a righteous rite of passage. From unlimited budgets to lavish delicacies and over-the-top entertainment, fans will see why turning 40 is such a gift.

I didn’t realize that was even a thing – “the world of extravagant 40th birthday parties.” Maybe I just haven’t been invited to any yet? But I can’t imagine that in seven years I’m going to want to spend a lot of money on a big party. Instead, I can see myself spending money on my kid’s birthday party.

It got me thinking about how my birthday celebrations have changed over the years. In my 20s, I used to have big birthday gatherings at bars. But I always got social anxiety having to entertain all those people and ended up drinking too much to numb the anxiety. I’ve discovered and accepted that I love focusing intently on one person at a time, and so large parties where I play host are mentally exhausting. Naturally, the older I’ve gotten, I like my birthday celebrations small – with family and friends who feel like family. I imagine that my 40th birthday party will be small and celebrated with champagne and cupcakes, and hopefully on the east coast. So while I don’t think I’ll be hosting my own extravagant 40th celebration, I hope I’m invited to one or a few!

Do you online date? I’m in a long-term relationship, so it’s been nearly 6 years since I was actively dating. But at that time, I remember using OkCupid, Nerve, and eHarmony when I was online dating. I would be psyched to email with someone cool, but  sometimes they would say something that would throw me off (“Just so you know, I’m into cosplay. Cool?” or “I don’t believe in bathing more than once a month”) or they would simply ghost on me and disappear into the ether. I had the best luck with OkCupid, but even then, I’d email for awhile with a guy, and then I would get too scared to meet them in person. So I’d often just keep delaying actually meeting up. Once, I even cancelled a date day-of. I was the worst, flakiest version of myself. I did meet a few guys in person but it was always hours of anxiety beforehand that was only bearable in the right circumstances.

In an earlier post, Laura talked about the dating site Tinder and how there was backlash to their new pricing system. (They’re basically charging people over 30 a higher rate. Boo!) Anyway, there was some controversy with one of Tinder’s co-founders, Whitney Wolfe,  below, who left the company after she initiated a sexual harassment and workplace discrimination lawsuit. (All fair, in my opinion.)

Whitney Wolfe has recently gone ahead and co-founded an app called Bumble. It’s a new dating app that hopes to empower women in dating. Whitney herself said, “Bumble is something that can give women power and also take the pressure off men. We wanted to even the playing field a little bit.” So how exactly does Bumble do that?

• Only WOMEN can initiate contact.
• Women must reply to their matches within 24 hours or the matches disappear.
• The target demographic is women from the ages of 18-35.

I’ll be honest – I’m intrigued. So often we’re taught that the men should initiate contact when it comes to dating. Even I still assume a man should initiate contact with a woman. I don’t know why, but I always just feel as though “If he likes me enough, he’ll reach out and find me.” What, am I encouraging stalking or something? Jeez. But I’m starting to challenge my own beliefs, because what is all that mumbo jumbo “The Rules” type-stuff even based on?

What do you think? Is Bumble something you’d try?

Have you heard of the TV show Hindsight on VH1? It’s a show about a woman in her late 30’s who, on the eve of her second marriage, is magically transported back to the eve of her first marriage in the 1990’s. She basically has to decide what decisions she would make again, all with the help of her childhood best friend, with whom she reconnects after being estranged  for ten years. The show asks, if you knew how your life would turn out, what would you change? In our thirties, it definitely seems like our decisions have a lot of weight somehow – as if each choice will somehow define the rest of our decades. In truth, many of them probably will (if and who you marry, having kids, etc.), but we’re still allowed to make mistakes.

I watched the pilot today and I was impressed. Not only did the 90’s references boost my spirits, but I love TV shows and movies about 30-something women. Too often when 30-something women are portrayed in the media, we see the same hackneyed characters – the stressed workaholic corporate woman who has no time for a relationship but desperately wants one, the frazzled stay-at-home mom, or the single and unemployed artsy character – just to name a few. I’m happy to see a different type of heroine on this show, and especially thrilled that there’s a show on the air like this – a show that deals with the intricacies of female friendship and how somehow you can regret how those relationships ended even more than romantic relationships.

A few episodes are streaming for free VH1’s website for the show, so I highly recommend checking them out.

This ridiculous click-bait listicle showed up in my Facebook feed last week: 24 Things Women Should Stop Wearing After Age 30, and all I can say is: YUCK.  Included among these 24 items of clothing are: short dresses, crop tops, graphic tees and old sneakers. Oy. It’s so dumb that I feel silly even writing about it, but any articles about what women over 30 should or should not do is ripe for commentary on this blog.

The items of clothing included on the list that bother me the most are short dresses and crop tops. That’s because there’s this nasty underlying implication that women over a certain age shouldn’t show off their bodies, that we’re no longer as attractive. Well, screw that. Personally, I think I look better now than I did my 20’s. I don’t have all that beer/weekend heavy drinking weight, I know what clothing works better for me, and of course, I’ve got that thirty-something confidence going on.

One item touched me personally: old sneakers. I adore my old, ratty Converse. I’ve always had a sneaker of choice. My life post-college can be easily traced through my shoe choices: Puma Californias, Saucony, Adidas, Keds, a brief foray with Simple sneakers (loved these), and now my beloved and dirt caked Converse.

So whip out your crop tops, leopard print shirts, and graphic tees, because when it comes to clothing, age ain’t nothing but a number.

It’s March 9th and we’re rounding the corner on finishing the first fourth of 2015. Can you believe that? As trite as it is to say, but I’m going to say it anyway, time truly does fly. It’s so easy to get off-track on your big goals during the day-to-day of living life. I was thinking a lot about this after I received a text from a friend this morning asking about my birthday weekend. She said she hoped that my weekend had given me a chance to reflect on my year and my future. I loved this, because it’s so important to be reminded to reflect and make sure you’re headed in the direction you want to go.

So I ask you today – have you stuck to your 2015 resolutions? Did you get closer to your goals in January, February and the start of March?

Personally, I’ve definitely done some great writing, creating work I’m proud of (big goal #1). But in terms of health and wellness, I haven’t been eating all too well or exercising much lately. Can I blame this on graduate school? Perhaps. I did make a somewhat small-ish New Years’ resolution that I’ve kept so far – not being hungover at all in 2015. And so far, so good. It might seem small to some folks, but I have social anxiety sometimes, and I end up drinking too much at parties or events where I’m around strangers. Also, for me, 3 drinks or more usually results in being hungover. An extra glass of wine can be the tipping point to losing my Sunday to low energy.

So as your first 1/4 of 2015 rounds down, ask yourself if you’re directing your time and energy in the way you set out to in those inspired early days of 2015.

Because, where do you want to be when….

rolls around?

I recently read that we have a tendency to make big life decisions in the last year before we enter a new decade – basically in our 29th, 39th, 49th and onward birthday years. This was documented in a research paper in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences published in 2014.

Apparently and somewhat intuitively, right before we enter a new decade of life, we begin to contemplate how we can change our path forward. It’s our step-back, re-evaluation period of life. We want to find meaning in our lives as we head into another decade.

What was interesting about the study was that people either made positive life changes (choosing to run their first marathon) or quite drastically negative ones (committing suicide).

Here’s an article published in NY Mag that talks more specifically about the life changes people are drawn to during their end of decade year(s).

Did you make any big changes/goals when you turned 29 or 39? Personally, I had three major life changes. I decided to go to graduate school (though I did know I wanted to go before 30). I also got engaged soon after turning 30. And I knew I wanted to try living somewhere other than New York City, where I had spent my whole life.

How about you?