Your Marriage is More Important Than Your Wedding

This recent New York Times article , How to Avoid a Post-Wedding Letdown, is worth a read if you’re getting married or thinking of getting married at some point in the future. This article talks about the “post-wedding blues” that can sometimes occur after the wedding and how you can avoid that by going to pre-martial counseling to set expectations.

My boyfriend and I got engaged about two years ago. And no, we haven’t started wedding planning. It’s not that we don’t want to get married, but we’ve got a lot of other things on our plates – figuring out where to settle down, our careers, etc. that have taken precedence in our lives.

Sometimes I worry – is something wrong with me because I’m not foaming at the mouth with excitement about my wedding plans? But that worry quickly fades, because I know myself, and I know that I naturally don’t enjoy being the center of attention and that spending large sums of money gets me anxiety. I also know that when the time is right, we will marry. It also feels like there’s no reason to rush – nothing will fundamentally change after we marry – we’ve already been together for 6 years  and have lived together for more than half of that time. I’d rather wait until we have a little more money and life security so we can really show our friends and family a beautiful time together.

This was my favorite quote from the article.

“If the couple’s primary focus is on the wedding day itself rather than the marriage, then a crash is inevitable,” Dr. Charnas said. “However, if the emotional investment can be shifted from the wedding to the marriage and the couple’s partnership, then the perspective changes and the wedding is cast in a new light.”

Good words to take to heart. And to the altar.

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