Author Archives: janersays

Happy With Less (Emotionally)

September 2, 2015 By in Health and Wellness, Relationships Tags: , 1 Comment

If you read this blog with any regularity, you probably know that I’m a screenwriter and TV writer. Which means I scour and devour (yay, rhyming!) all things screenwriting related. One of the blogs I love is called Screenwriting from Iowa. It’s worth a read even if you’re not a writer. Two days ago, the author referenced a quote from Robert Rodriguez, a director/writer best known for his films Sin City, From Dusk Till Dawn, and tons of others. His career took off when he directed/produced/wrote the super low budget El Mariachi. Rodriguez basically took the reins of his career and catapulted himself into Hollywood. Here’s the quote:

“I say when you want to do anything you need to reduce your ‘I need list’ to very little. Because if you start going, ‘Well, I need a crew first. I need a budget. I need a set…’—the longer that list gets, the further away you’re going to accomplish that. So you need to shrink that down to ‘I need nothing. I’ve got everything here.’ If you can do that you’re off and running.”
-Robert Rodriguez

When I read that quote, I thought, damn – that’s applicable to life too, isn’t it? In the same way this current craze of “de-cluttering” and minimalism in terms of material items seems to be dominating our collective unconscious, why not look for ways to de-clutter our mental plates?  What if you could be happy without an amazing job, marriage, or a child (examples of so many things on the mind of a typical 30-something)?

I’m trying to think about that myself. Right now I’ve hit none of the ‘typical’ benchmarks a 30-something might have achieved in our society. I have amazing friends and parents. And whatever happens in my external career, I do have a passion for stories and writing, and that passion is my beacon when times are challenging.

So, I guess the point is – maybe there’s something to the idea of ‘de-cluttering’ your idea of what makes you happy.

“She turned to the sunlight And shook her

Are We The “Slash” Generation?

August 30, 2015 By in Career Tags: , , , Leave a comment

Have you seen the new Toshiba laptop/tablet commercial, where they show a young woman in her 20s who they describe as a “Director/DJ/Designer/Advocate/Entrepreneur” as they show her in her various roles/jobs? The commercial was made  to sell their tablet product, and in it, they say their product is perfect for the “slash” generation. It’s been playing constantly when I watch Hulu, and it drives me nuts.

I had never heard that we’re considered the “slash” generation. Generally, since I’m 33, I don’t feel like a millennial but  demographically, I am considered one (Born in 1982 – 1996). Being part of the “slash” generation means is that your career involves being a hyphenate, as in “writer – director – actor” – that sort of thing.

If you’re interested to read more about this phenomenon, here’s a great NY Times article from last year called “The Lives of Millennial Career Jugglers.” They profile six people who have multiple careers.

Personally, I don’t want to have a multi-hyphenate career. I want to be known as an expert at one thing and have hobbies on the side. Perhaps I can become very good at these hobbies, but I wouldn’t want to consider them a money-making path. Maybe that would somehow taint them.

But while my ideal is to not be a hyphenate, I’ve realized is that it’s become harder and harder to find one job that can completely financially sustain you if you don’t work in a traditional field (corporate company, doctor, lawyer, etc.) I think we have also become desirous to find creativity and personal passion in our work – even if it’s just one of our many “jobs” – such as DJ’ing on the weekends for instance.

Do you have a “slash” career? If you do, would you prefer not to?

Trying Something Crazy and Unexpected in Your 30s

August 24, 2015 By in Career Tags: , , , 2 Comments

What are your hobbies? For awhile, whenever I was asked that question (not often, admittedly), my answers would be very internal activities like reading, writing, watching movies. I realized that my hobbies are mostly ways to retreat from the world – not engage in it. There’s nothing wrong with having internal hobbies, but lately I’ve wanted hobbies that connected me to other people and the world at large.

So, after hearing from friends for years that improv is a fun way to meet people and help with my writing, I signed up for a improv 101 class at UCB (Upright Citizens Brigade) here in Los Angeles. I’m five classes in, and I love it so far. Since you have to come up with comedic bits and scenes on the fly, you have no choice but to be completely present and living in the moment. In a way, it’s like meditation. What’s cool about it is that you constantly surprise yourself. I love that about improv.

Since I’m a comedy screenwriter primarily, the class has helped me become more free in my own writing. The exercises we did last week were especially helpful – they were the “monologues” part of the course. We basically do 1-2 minute comedic monologues on a subject that is suggested to us by the audience. I found that I was really good at the monologues and could make people laugh. I left the class feeling somewhat elated.

More than that, the class is making me curious about adding a new component to my writing career…stand-up comedy. Is the idea of me doing stand-up comedy crazy? Maybe. Maybe not. The thing is, people don’t immediately meet me and think I’m “funny.” They’d say I’m “down to earth” and “genuine.” And I know that I’m perceived as shy – especially when I meet people in groups. In fact, my UCLA classmate and friend who I’m taking the improv class with told me after class that he was really surprised how funny I was, because he always thought of me as “shy” and “quiet.” Kind of a back-handed compliment, but hearing that kind of thing always motivates me, to essentially “show them wrong.”

So that’s that. I’m going to try stand-up comedy in the next few moments. I’ve already started writing a few jokes down. I’ll start checking out some shows and then maybe try doing an open mic.

If you had asked me in my 20s if I’d ever do stand-up comedy, I’d have said no way. I’d have told you it was way too scary and miles and miles out of my comfort zone. But now, in my 30s, I feel more fearless than ever.

A Great Essay on Turning 30

August 20, 2015 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

One of my new friends, who I have a feeling will be a lifer because she’s so damn awesome, is turning thirty this weekend. We’ve been talking about how that makes her feel and how I felt when I turned 30. I remembered back to the two birthday dinners I had, and how low-key and special they were. I just felt cozy being surrounded by a small group of people that I truly loved. By the time I hit 30, I had abandoned the idea of big blow-out bar nights in favor of quiet restaurants where I could hear everyone speak.

Anyhow, her birthday got me diving deep into an internet vortex searching for other women’s opinions on turning 30.

I found this gem of an essay, On Turning 30, by Molly Crabapple on VICE, and wanted to share it here. She tackles the idea that women lose value as they get older because they become less physically and sexually appealing. But she basically says that getting older provides women with great freedom, and that she herself felt liberated because she wasn’t constantly propositioned by men.

My favorite part of the essay was the end, when she wrote:

Like many thrilling things women do—fucking or hitchhiking, being demoniacally ambitious or telling an asshole to stick a chainsaw in his eye—society tells us that growing up leads to ruin. Yes, you get older, but you can also grow tougher, kinder, braver. You can claw out the life you wanted. But as you age, the world will tell you you’re less worthy, even if you know that’s a lie. If there’s one thing society won’t stand for, it’s for a woman to be content.

So to all the birthday girls out there, here’s to not thinking we’re in any way less worthy than we were in our 20s!

A Few Thoughts on Being in Your Thirties

August 18, 2015 By in Grab Bag 1 Comment

Going about my day, I came across two interesting observations/stories about being in your 30s that I wanted to share here. Firstly, remember how I was venting about feeling like I was sliding backwards in my 30s? I was worried about needing to find a co-signer for my lease, and how I’d probably end up in a smaller, tiny apartment with no kitchen. Well, the bright side is that only half of that came to pass. I didn’t need a co-signer (thanks to stellar credit, woot!), BUT my apartment doesn’t have a  kitchen. It has a mini-fridge – like the ones they use in hotels to stock mini bars. In time, I plan to buy a microwave and add a coffee maker, and kind of hope for the best. We’ll see. I’m sure I’ll be keeping you posted on my journey with my mini-kitchen.

But the point of that story, was to stay I am not ALONE. And if you are in your 30s living in a tiny apartment with no kitchen, or sharing a place with five roommates, YOU are not alone. Because Amy Schumer Still Rents An Apartment With A Murphy Bed. How awesome is that? Also, the author of the article, Nicole Dieker, is now my personal hero because she admitted that she too has tiny living quarters, writing:

But I’m still exactly where I am: in a microapartment with no kitchen, filling a bus tub with water from the bathroom sink every night to wash my dishes.

That’s observation number one. That a lot of us are making due with situations that may not seem “on par” with our age bracket.

UnknownMy second observation is from watching an old episode of Sex and the City tonight. In the pilot of Season 4, Carrie talks about soulmates and what they mean. Do we each have one soulmate? If that’s true, what if we don’t find him or her? Or what if we have multiple soul mates? In the episode, it’s Carrie’s 35th birthday, and she’s going through some soul searching as to why she hasn’t found her soulmate, if indeed they do exist. But then Charlotte makes a sweet observation. What if they are each other’s real soul mates and the men in their lives are merely people to have fun with? I loved how sweet that thought was. I really think that friends can be soulmates. I sure know I have them.

Have You Ever Experienced A BFF Break-Up?

August 16, 2015 By in Friendships Tags: , , Leave a comment

Losing a friendship can feel as traumatic as the breakup between a loving, long-term couple. Sometimes it’s almost more devastating, because we expect our best friendships to stand the test of time. We’re taught that romantic relationships come and go, but that our friendships last, especially friendships between women.

In my twenties, I went through a few close friend breakups. At the time, I couldn’t understand why, and that made me feel ashamed. I thought to myself – am I a fundamentally flawed human being who’s incapable of sustaining friendships? Am I an awful person who people don’t want to be friends with? Am I too selfish, flakey, etc.? Over time, I came to realize it’s actually quite normal to lose friends, especially when you’re in your twenties.

I had a falling out with one very close friend in particular that devastated me. We met in junior high school and stayed friends until our early 20s. She was a soul mate level friend, the kind of friend that comes around a few times in your life. Everyone else could see it, how close we were – we spoke the same language without speaking. I loved how smart and funny she was. She thought about deep things in the world – why we were here on the planet, what kinds of people we wanted to be, our deepest fears, and all those sorts of things.

Long story short, we fought and we didn’t recover. In hindsight, I would fight harder for the friendship. At the time, I was scared of her, of hurting her more than I already had, and since I’m a non-confrontational person generally, I tried to repair the friendship in small ways. But, looking back, I realize I didn’t try hard enough.

I can honestly say it’s taken me years to get over it, and I still don’t think I am fully over it. I hadn’t thought about being in touch with her again until last week, when almost a decade later, I got an email from her. I was so excited/scared/hopeful/nervous that it took me several days to even OPEN the email. When I did, I immediately started bawling my eyes out. I could hear her voice through the email and  I was flooded with memories. It wasn’t an angry or ‘bad’ email; I cried because I missed her and I didn’t realize how profoundly I did until I read the email.

I’m not sure what’s next for us. I wonder if there’s any way for us to get that friendship back. There are so many barriers to even getting back a new ‘starter’ friendship. We don’t even live in the same city anymore. We both lead very different lives.

Have you ever experienced a best friend breakup? Did you ever reconnect with that friend?

PS – For anyone interested in exploring the phenomenon of friendships ending and how to deal, check out Dr. Irene Levine’s The Friendship Blog. It’s a great resource for all things friendship.

Have You Ever Used a Pendulum to Access Your Intuition?

August 12, 2015 By in Grab Bag 2 Comments

Until yesterday, I had never heard of the idea of using a pendulum to access your intuition in a stronger way. Have you? Basically, there’s a well-known practice of dangling a pendulum over your pulse (ideally, your wrist) and letting it adjust to your natural bodily rhythms and then asking the pendulum to give you yes/no answers to questions.

Before we get too far here, do you know what a pendulum is? It’s basically a weight suspended from some kind of pivot point that allows it to swing freely. Imagine a necklace with a crystal at the end of it. To make your own pendulum, all you need is a nice piece of jewelry (a ring works just fine) or a crystal, and some thread. You hang the jewelry or crystal on the thread and let it dangle naturally at the bottom of the thread. You hold it over it your wrist, STEADY, and ask to for its “yes;” what movement means “yes.” Then, you watch as the pendulum swings into a natural yes rhythm. While you wait for the yes, you have to consciously think “Yes, yes, yes…”, getting into the YES frame of mind. Then, you do the same with the “No.” You’ll see how the pendulum begins to swing in a new, recognizable “no” pattern.

And now, you’re set to ask the pendulum a question. You want to ask questions that clarify YOUR internal feelings. You can’t ask questions about what other people are thinking, but you can ask about feelings you may be having that you’re ambivalent about, or questions for which your body may have the answer to (i.e., am I deficient in iron?). Apparently, certain families use it to predict what a baby’s gender will be. The idea is that the pendulum taps into the “energy” within your body and it basically accesses what’s happening for you at a subconscious level.

This might sound a little (or, a lot) new agey, but it makes physical sense, using your pulse as a kind of mind reader – like a lie detector test.

My co-workers and I all used it, and I swear, it worked on ALL of us. We each had a distinct “Yes” and “No” and our questions were answered in a definitive way.

So, if you’re looking for a little guidance, why not try creating your own pendulum?

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Sliding Backwards in Your 30s

August 9, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , 2 Comments

Do you mark your growth in external ways? By that I mean, do you think about your personal progress in benchmarks related to money, living situations, relationships, etc.? I certainly do – or, I did, until I realized what I was doing. Since I realized I was marking my life in somewhat superficial ways, I’ve tried to be more gentle with myself.

The thing is – as I started my post-college life, I naturally assumed that I would go from having a small, cramped apartment that I shared with roommates in my 20s to a bigger, spacious one-bedroom apartment by myself in my 30s. I didn’t think there would be big lows along the way. I also assumed the tags on my clothing would progress from H&M and Forever 21 to Banana Republic and Club Monaco.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I’m in the difficult position of trying to find a new place to live. It’s challenging since I’m a full-time graduate student and I don’t have a steady income, which makes landlords understandably  nervous.  I’m very lucky because I have a family member who has kindly offered to co-sign my lease, but still.

When I think about the fact that I’m 33, struggling to find the money to live by myself, that I need a co-signer to get an apartment, and that I basically get all my wardrobe from the Gap – it bums me out. It makes me think I am somewhat stagnant or sliding backwards, unable to gain the traction needed to ‘really launch me into my 30s.’ But it’s been bumming me out less and less. Because I realized that…

I did grow in ways that cannot be measured – in bravery for taking a leap of faith that perhaps I could make screenwriting and TV writing into a career, by uprooting my life and moving to a city where I knew few people, and by trusting my gut more and needing less input from outside forces to make decisions. These are huge steps in my internal growth. So while yes, I may soon be living in a cramped, tiny apartment eating frozen pizzas while watching Netflix on my laptop (just like I was in my 20s), I will take solace in the fact that I am a kinder, smarter, wiser Jane than I was back then.

The Significance of Turning 30

August 5, 2015 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

As I’ve mentioned before, my c0-worker and friend is turning 30 in two weeks and we’ve been talking a lot about that particular birthday and what it all means. There seems to be so much psychological pressure placed on us to have accomplished certain things and hit specific milestones. Sometimes we don’t even realize these pressures exist, they are buried deep in our sub-conscious.

One of our other co-workers and friends, who’s in her 40s, was giving us her own perspective on turning 30. She said that her real adult life didn’t begin until she was 30, and that everything prior to that was preparation for her journey. Hearing that was comforting; that she saw 30 as a starting point, as opposed to a kind of day of reckoning “What have you accomplished by now?!!?!”

As she’s a Christian, she also mentioned something fascinating that I did not know. Apparently, 30 holds a ton of significance in both the Bible itself and in Jesus’s life. Since I’m not religious, maybe this is obvious to those of you who are Christian, but apparently, Jesus started his ministry at age 30. Prior to that he worked as a carpenter and “grew in stature, wisdom, and favor with God and man.” Also, back in the day Priests trained until they reached their 30th birthday to join the Priesthood.

I love this idea that we can view turning 30 as a a kind of re-emergence of self, like we are coming out of our cocoons to become butterflies.

The Difference Between Mistakes and Regrets

July 30, 2015 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

It’s been a big week for me. I’ve been dealing with some personal issues and I’ve had some trouble maintaining routines – including writing on this blog. So thank you for bearing with me!

I’ve been lucky enough to keep my temporary job at summer camp, and that’s provided ample work and distraction for me. Since it’s an arts camp, all the employees are artists themselves – filmmakers, writers, actors, etc. and it’s nice to be with people who feel like they are part of my ‘tribe.’ In fact, in the near two years I’ve been in LA, I haven’t had such instant connections with people as I’ve had in the camp.

One of my fellow staffers is turning 30 in August, and we’ve been talking about what that means. For her, it means taking a huge adventure to move across the globe to pursue her artistic discipline. But of course, it’s a big decision and scary one. It got me thinking about decisions we make in our 30s.

Do you ever feel like the decisions we make in our 30s are loaded? Like, they carry an exceptional amount of weight because this is a ‘do or die’ decade? We’re making choices about career and family that may have implications for the rest of our lives. That can be somewhat paralyzing when it comes to making choices.

But yesterday, a wise person told me there’s a big difference between making mistakes and having regrets. You can make a mistake and not have regrets. You make choices and in doing that, you are powerful and exercising your agency as a human being, and for that you can never have regret.

I remember a TED talk by Elizabeth Gilbert where she talked about not regretting decisions you’ve made in the past, because you made them with all the information you had at the time. I loved that. Regret doesn’t make sense in a life where we’re constantly evolving and growing as people.

So, here’s to not being so precious about each and every step in our 30s.

What’s On Your Summer Reading List?

July 23, 2015 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

I don’t know about you, but I find the summer to be the best time for reading. My mind is naturally in a more day-dreamy state (yes, I just made up a word) and I have more free time than usual. I’m excited to read a lot of books this summer, but I’m starting with The Vacationers by Emma Straub. It’s set in Mallorca, Spain and it’s about a family who is taking one of their first big vacations in years, after some pretty big issues have taken place. content

While I can only read one fiction novel at a time, I can usually read a non-fiction book at the same time. So this summer, I’m going to try and pick back up Tony Robbins’s Awaken the Giant Within. I started it a few months ago, because Laura and I deemed it our next book club pick after hearing so many people call it life-changing, but we both read a few chapters and then put it down. We both agreed that maybe it was because there are “homework” exercises after many chapters, and that deterred us. It’s not that we’re lazy and don’t want to do the homework, but usually we’re reading at night before bed, or on commutes, and it’s hard to just switch into paper and pen brainstorming mode. But the plan is to get back to it and finish it. A lot of “self-help” writers that I respect and admire are huge Tony Robbins fans.

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So, what will you be reading this summer?

The Story of the Green Beetle

July 18, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

A few days ago, I was walking to the bus stop to head home from my summer camp job, and my mind was in a thousand places. I was thinking of all the emails I had to return, the laundry that had piled up, and the buzzing phone in my pocket filled with group text messages from work, and if I should eat pizza for dinner for a second time this week (resounding yes). My mind was anywhere but the present.

As I was approaching my bus stop, two enthusiastic young men stopped me, their eyes lit up with a feverish intensity. Being a New Yorker, I know what that means. Comedy club tickets, anyone? Or how an all-inclusive ‘salon package’ for the low, low cost of $69.95 but worth $200? Spend a year in Manhattan and you’ll be propositioned for both of those offers.  But these looked like international college age students, and they didn’t seem remotely threatening. So I stopped. They pointed down at the ground to a large beetle with a black body and glowing green legs.

Bugs freak me out, so I recoiled a bit. But this was magical; I have never in my life seen a bug so gorgeous and so unusual looking. It looked like it belonged in the amazon rainforest. The first thought I had was that this bug must not be real. It looked like it could be a small, robotic animal. The young men remarked that they had never seen a creature like this in their lives, and asked if I had. I shook my head and said no. We all stared at it in awe, until it jumped up and started flying, to our collective surprise.

There is no exciting end to this story – the bug flew away and I ran to grab my bus. But I was left in a new headspace, feeling curious. I spent my bus ride home searching google on my phone, trying to identify this beetle. But nothing came up that looked like the beetle. They were lots of bugs with neon green bodies, but none with just neon green legs.

People sometimes say that when you’ve got stress or anxiety in your life, you should step back and “Look at the big picture.” And sure, it’s good advice. But sometimes I think the better advice is to narrow your focus. Take in the smallest of details around you. See how the tiny details expand and become worlds onto themselves.

There Were 10, now 6, then 3…Friendship in Your 30s

July 15, 2015 By in Friendships Tags: , , 4 Comments

Today, I got to thinking about the “oldest” friends we all have, and friendships in general after my fiancé told me about his fantasy football league. Let me explain. Basically, the leader/organizer person (I know nothing about fantasy football) had decided to shut down their decade long running league because he was having a child and had too much responsibility. My fiancé, understandably, was sad. These were tons of his old college buddies who were spread across the country, and this online game was a way to connect to them. Even though I have no ties to the team and have no clue how one would even play ‘fantasy football,’ it made me sad to hear about a group dissolving. I always feel sad when a group of mine dis-integrates – from a book club ending to summer pot lucks winding down when the season ends….

I started thinking about how in our 30s, our close friend group gets smaller and smaller, until we realize someday that we’ve ended up with a circle much smaller than in our 20s. There are the obvious reasons for that: getting married and settling down, having children, job responsibilities, etc. But I believe we all need lots of different types of love in our life – and a few people cannot sustain or fulfill all those needs. All of our primary, most supportive relationships must have buoys and support around them. In the same way it’s been said that “it takes a village’ to raise children, it takes a group of people to sustain our deepest relationships. Your marriage or closest friendship gets oxygen from mutual friends, from family visits, and from the outside interaction you get at places like work.

I speak to a lot less friends than I did when I was 25. About half less I would say. The bright side is that I feel the quality of these remaining friendships has improved. They’ve been through the ups and downs with me. The past July 4th weekend, I got to have long conversations with old high school and even (gasp!) elementary school, and it made me incredibly happy and left me feeling physically lighter. Our friends can help us carry our loads.

So what do we do with less friendships in our 30s? Obviously, we hold onto the ones we love with a vice grip! But we must always be open to new friendships, coming at any age. Your next ‘soul mate’ friend could be just around the corner. Sometimes I feel like we’ve been taught that we would have met all our best friends in the world by now. But maybe that’s only encouraging us to keep ourself guarded. Instead, maybe we should always keep out heart opens to new friends – even with the new responsibilities the thirties place on us.

Summer Camp for Adults

July 13, 2015 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

How are you kicking back this Summer? Hopefully you’ve got a vacation or at least a three-day weekend planned. I don’t have a proper vacation on the horizon, but since I’m job hunting, I do have a lot of down time. So I’ve been doing relaxing things like watching my favorite new shows (Seven Year Switch on FYI, Amy Schumer Show, Fresh Off the Boat), reading, general loafing, indulging in long phone conversations and eating delicious things. But it’s not quite the same as vacation. Not even close really, especially because I have the spectre of the job hunt looming over all my free time.

I was lucky enough to get a job for a week at an arts camp, which I started today, so that’s been fun. Being at the camp reminds me of my own experiences at both day camp and sleep away camp, and how they both really allowed my mind to wander and reset itself. I can’t say I loved camp (all that constant socializing can be hard for an introvert!), but I appreciated being out of NYC for awhile, and how the days felt so different from school days.

Would you ever consider Summer camp for adults? And yes, they do do exist! This place sounds very cool to me:  Camp Grounded. The focus of this camp is about digitally detoxing. Their motto is “disconnect to reconnect.” You basically give up using your phone, social media accounts, etc. and have an off-the-grid weekend participating in activities.

There are tons of specific interest camps – like the Culinary Institute of America camp, or Long Island Wine Camp. But the old-fashioned summer camp experience for adults sounds more up my alley – including color war, s’mores and bonfires. This place sounds like another fun option, Camp No Counselors. Though, just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you’ll be able to attend – they cherry-pick their guests to create a dynamic mix of people.

I guess organizing a weekend get-away with your friends is similar – and doesn’t require any application process or hefty fees. Still, the idea of being “taken care” of at a summer camp and provided with specific entertainment sounds pretty great to me. Maybe one day…

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Taking a “break” from camp at the UCLA sculpture garden

Choosing What City You’re Going to Live In

July 9, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , 1 Comment

Laura’s last post got me thinking about cities and towns, specifically how people choose where to live and settle down. Not that you have to settle down, but a majority of people want to lay down roots in their 30s. Maybe that’s due to getting married, or having children or wanting to make a long term commitment to a job.

So where do you choose to live? Do you default to where you grew up and are most comfortable? Laura and I both grew up in NYC, and were in fact raised in the same neighborhood. We’re abnormal cases, because NYC offers every job possibility under the sun, so it’s hard not to come back to.

When you’re in your 30s, I think family plays a huge role. Where does your family live? You realize that your parents aren’t getting any younger, and neither are you. You also realize time is precious, and if you don’t have your “people” around you, you’re stuck without vital support. You also realize that maybe having and being vital support is the most important thing in life.

Money also plays a huge role. In the past eleven years since graduating college, I’ve lived in two of the most expensive cities in the world: NYC and LA. But what if I had moved to Austin or Portland? Would I have more of a nest egg?

And if you have children, what about public school systems and parks?

So how do you figure it out? I won’t lie – I’ve taken online quizzes, and let me tell you, there are a TON of quizzes about where you’re best suited to live. Here are just a sampling:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/ashleyperez/what-city-should-you-actually-live-in#.eq033Nz5d

http://www.selectsmart.com/city/

http://www.brainfall.com/quizzes/what-city-should-you-live-in/

There was even a movie about the search to find a place to call home. It was called “Away We Go” with Maya Rudolph and John Krasinski and is about a couple’s search to find the perfect city to raise their family.

And the bigger, more interesting question is: would you ever move to city where you didn’t know anyone? Or, a place where you had minimal social ties? I’ll explore that in another blog post.

Getting Your Exercise On in Your 30s

July 7, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , 3 Comments

I’ll be honest – I don’t have a regular exercise practice. I walk pretty regularly as  part of my life, but when it comes to regular exercise, I just don’t do it. I probably exercise about 2-3 times a month, normally a pilates class or a elliptical/treadmill session at the gym. But it’s not enough, and I know it. Because I’m not overweight, people always assume I’m healthy and completely fine, but I don’t feel that way. I feel lethargic a lot of the time, and I get sleepy early in the evening.

I’ve read a number of articles that say – if you don’t have an exercise routine in your 30s, now is the time to prioritize it. For one thing, your metabolism decreases by 2 -3% in your thirties, so you have to do more work to maintain your physical status quo. But the bright side is that your bone mass and the growth hormones that were flowing in your 20s are still working their magic. But they will start decreasing in your 40s. So this is the best time to start exercising, before you experience the gradual loss of bone density, strength and flexibility.

The old adage “Better Late than Never” applies when it comes to exercise. Do you watch Girls? One of my personal career icons, Jenni Konner, is the executive producer of the show, and she wrote about her personal exercise evolution in Self magazine, and I could TOTALLY relate. This is an excerpt from the article:

I was 38 when I started exercising. That’s right, 38. My exercise history reads like a bad report card. Everything fitness-oriented was mandatory and completed by the skin of my teeth. The President’s Physical Fitness Test was my Everest. Each year in elementary school, as the day drew nearer, I would plot my illnesses. “My fever must be high to the point of danger. I probably have scurvy,” I’d tell my mom. My parents never fell for it, and the day usually culminated in tears and terrible sit-ups.

I made it through my unathletic 20s like any other unathletic twentysomething. I ate very little, drank a lot and stood on the sidelines, cheering on hipster dodgeball games like a narcoleptic Knicks City Dancer. In my 20s, I didn’t have to exercise because no matter what I did, I looked the same—which was pretty good in hindsight.

In my 30s, it all started to catch up with me.

– Jenni Konner

Anyway, you’ll have to read the whole article here if you want to know how she got her booty into gear, but the gist of it is that she found a workout she loved. It happened to be the Tracy Anderson method, which is supposedly amazing.

The key seems to be: find an exercise you like – something that feels like play to you. What do you genuinely enjoy doing? I hate running. While I have a few friends who swear by running, I’ve never been able to get into the swing of it and find it incredibly boring. To each their own! For me, the exercises that feel like play to me are swimming and yoga. When I’m in a pool, I feel like a little kid.

So, the key seems to be to find your exercise jam in your 30s and stick to it. Finding your “jam” may mean trying everything from ballet barre classes to free online workouts at fitnessblender.com to taking a boxing class at your local Rocky-inspired gym. It’s kinda like when people say you find your “look” in your 30s – like, you find what clothing and styles look best on you.

Here’s to a Summer of fitness and finding your way of turning exercise from an “I should” into an “I want!” And if you’re already there, congratulations! We would love to hear what exercise gets you pumped.