Monthly Archives: November 2014

Choosing the Easy Career

November 15, 2014 By in Career Tags: , 6 Comments

Whenever I get blood tests, there’s always a chance I’ll faint. Even if no one’s sticking me with a needle, I may hit the floor from even simply hearing talk of medical exams or blood vessels.

I visited a relative in the hospital last year. A doctor came up to me to explain the testing and examinations they were doing. In the middle of our conversation, I began to hear the familiar ringing in my ears, and my vision started to blur over. “Excuse me,” I said to the doctor, and walked down the hospital hallway. I stood in a corner and tried to make the dizziness stop before I fainted.

I can never be a doctor.

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I sometimes work at medical shows…but I feel fine there. I haven’t fainted yet, anyway.

 

I have similar issues when I fly. During takeoff and landing, I will turn away from whoever I’m talking to. I will put down the book if I’m reading, or look solidly away from my phone. I may close my eyes. These are all preventative tactics I discovered over the years which stop me from developing motion sickness. On boats, these tactics still don’t work, and I have to take dramamine…which still may not work.

I can never be a flight attendant. Nor can I work on a ship.

There are certain careers that just don’t come naturally. You can always excel at a job if you put your mind to it, but sometimes it may be better to forsake certain vocations that are extremely easy for others but super difficult for you.

Not always, of course. If I really wanted to become a doctor or a flight attendant, I guess I could try to fight my natural sickness. But there are many people who don’t get sick at all from these things. They have a natural advantage.

There are less black and white career choices that cause a lot of confusion. I took a computer science class in college and really enjoyed it. However, I was horrible at programming. I just didn’t have a knack for it. Programs that took me two hours to create took many of my classmates 10 minutes. Sure, I’d eventually make the program work, and maybe I’d get faster if I kept at it, but it wasn’t the natural way my brain worked. I got so extremely frustrated with computer programming that I ended my minor in Computer Science and minored in Psychology instead.  Still, I wish I’d stuck it out longer– computer programming is something I still really want to do.

Then there’s acting. I love acting. I’m good at acting. But right now I don’t want it enough to go through the ‘business of acting’ – to act as a career. Some people will give up anything to be an actor- they’ll sacrifice, they’ll go through rejection after rejection, they’ll surrender time and money for quite awhile. And I admire the heck out of them. And I want to want it. But I just don’t want it enough. Especially not to go through all that. Not now, anyway.

Are you happy with your chosen career path? Or are you in a field or at a job where you feel like you’re fighting your natural instincts every day? I’m not saying it’s never worth the fight. Sometimes it totally is, if you want it bad enough. But pick your battles carefully. Look for the balance between what you’ve always been good at and what you’re willing to sacrifice for. And remember that many tasks which seem simple to you may be the same ones that cause others to faint dead away.

 

Do you have a mission statement?

November 13, 2014 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , Leave a comment

Last night I was down in the dumps, feeling lost and somewhat aimless in my life. A lot of this feeling comes from being in graduate school, in a program where I’m often home alone, writing, trying to will my imagination to work with me, damnit. You would think graduate school would actually provide me with MORE of a sense of focus, but alas, that has not been the case.

I could write with other people, or go to different locations, but I find my best work is done solo in a quiet space. (I might have to re-evaluate this theory soon). When I’m in my own head too long, I tend to go a little stir crazy, but when I have too much social interaction, I also go crazy. It’s all about keeping a fine balance between nurturing my introversion and extroversion.

Back to last night. I poured myself a glass of wine and got into some google searching. I think I started with “thirty something feeling lost,” and found some interesting articles. As long as you don’t go down a crazy rabbit hole time-suck, I highly recommend googling your feelings to make yourself feel less alone.

One of the articles I stumbled upon was about crafting a life mission statement. The kind of mission statement the writer is talking about isn’t the one at the top of your resume, or your LinkedIn profile. This is your personal life mission statement, perhaps oriented around your values or how you want to spend your time.

Here are two anonymous examples I found on franklincovey.com. (This company is a business oriented leadership site, but they had some great examples of personal mission statements.)

“My mission is to give, for giving is what I do best and I can learn to do better.
I will seek to learn, for learning is the basis for growth, and growing is the key to living. I will seek first to understand, for understanding is the key to finding value, and value is the basis for respect, decisions, and action. This should be my first act with my wife, my family, and my business.
I want to help influence the future development of people and organizations. I want to teach my children and others to love and laugh, to learn and grow beyond their current bounds. I will build personal, business, and civic relationships by giving, in frequent little ways.”

I loved this one:

“I want to be the kind of person my dog already thinks I am.”

Do you have a mission statement?

I don’t have one now, but I’m going to craft one soon. Maybe it could help alleviate that ‘lost’ feeling.

Restarting In Your Thirties

November 12, 2014 By in Career, Health and Wellness Tags: , , , Leave a comment

Has your computer ever stopped working? Perhaps it completely froze up after you tried to download something, or the timer kept spinning when you attempted to install a new operating system? Were there times when you couldn’t fix the problem? Did you have the urge to take the whole beautiful machine and just throw it on the floor?

Last week I was working at an event in New Orleans where all technology kept breaking down. We had an Apple TV, various iPads, spotty wifi, scanners, lots of sound equipment, HDMI cables, bluetooth, and more all used in our multiple presentations throughout the day. Various times, after troubleshooting a problem for awhile ourselves, we’d break down and have a tech person come over and look at things. More often than not, the solution ended up being:

1. Hold down button to force close device.

2. Count to ten.

3. Push button again to turn on device.

That was it. Then it would be smooth sailing once again. I’d say about 70% of the time, that was all it took. After catching on to this deceptively simple trick, I was troubleshooting issues like a pro, and we had a lot less need for tech support. Strangely enough, people kept commenting on how tech savvy I was, even when I explained the solution to them. 70% of the time, it’s such a simple answer!!

When I got back to New York after the event two days ago, I was exhausted. However, I went to bed really late and didn’t get enough sleep, so I was even more tired yesterday. Still, I put some major items on my to do list for the day. Since I finally had a day off, I was going to attack the list, which included ‘write 3 articles, meditate, switch summer/winter clothes, clean out closet, go for 7 mile run, cook lunches for the week, unpack suitcases and do laundry, clean out email inbox, return all emails. These items seemed pretty basic to me, and I was sure I could get them done in a day. But instead of doing any of them, I forced myself out of bed and wandered my apartment like a maniac, sitting down to meditate and then getting up immediately. I turning on the stove and then turned it off. Sat down, got up, opened the laptop, closed it again. Turned on the shower faucet, turned it off. I couldn’t concentrate. I felt jittery and anxious. An hour or two went by and nothing got accomplished. I berated myself for wasting precious time and made myself even more anxious.

Then I remembered all the ‘broken’ technology this weekend. I felt broken.

And then I thought about my solution. It had worked 70% of the time before: Turn it off. Wait. Turn it back on.

I scrapped my to do list. I lay in bed. I stared at the wall.

Then I opened to a blank page and wrote:

1. Shower

2. Meditate

3. Take care of self.

4. Enjoy day.

I stared at the paper. “I can do this.” It was actually still difficult. I found it hard to move, but eventually I dragged myself into the shower.

With that simple action, I started to move forward, and afterwards I turned on my meditation music and stayed seated. When I finished, I stared at the ceiling again for awhile. Then I watched a show on Netflix. Then I went and met a friend for dinner. I listened to podcasts on the subway. My shoulders slowly unclenched. Then I slept for almost 12 hours last night… I must’ve been pretty tired.

Today I feel slightly better than yesterday, although I’m still prioritizing a careful need for rest. And for time.

Sometimes solutions are as simple as turning off and turning back on again. Meanwhile, let yourself enjoy the off moments in between. Sometimes you just need to restart. Try it for yourself- it seems to work 70 percent of the time.

 

 

A humorous look at the 30’s

November 11, 2014 By in Career 2 Comments

Two Sundays ago, there was a great op-ed in the NY Times called “The Terrible 32s” written by Kate Greathead and Teddy Wayne. The title immediately drew me in, because I’m exactly 32 years old myself and I read anything and everything about this life stage, including way too many BuzzFeed listicles. You can kind of guess what the article is about from the title – a humor piece about life in your early 30’s.

Here’s the link:

The Terrible 32s

You can get a taste for it from the first line:

“The Terrible 32s are a perfectly normal stage in your youngish adult’s development, characterized by cranky self-pity over the discrepancy between the life she has and the one she feels entitled to based on popular-culture narratives and her peers’ achievements, such as those of Laura, who recently landed a big promotion, and maybe it’s worth calling her to see if there’s an opening at her company?”

Being 32 myself, I thought this was both hilarious and comforting. The authors poke fun of MFA programs with little post-grad career prospects, hate-reading Facebook wall posts, and more. Have I made you want to read this yet?

All jokes aside, the truth is that not only do we all have different ideas of success, but we all have different timelines for success. Some of my favorite playwrights and authors didn’t even publish work until their fifties or sixties. My classmates and I often talk about how challenging it can be when we hear about all peers getting literary managers or agents, selling scripts, winning awards, etc. and how it makes us feel like we’re behind somehow. What helps is remembering that we’re all on our own journeys. Cliche but true.

And after all, if other people are achieving success in your chosen field, it means it’s possible for you too. When a classmate gets a top-notch agent, I think, okay – there’s hope for me, too.

Tracking and Hacking Your Health

November 9, 2014 By in Health and Wellness 1 Comment

Today I impulse bought a Jawbone Up Fitness tracker. I guess it’s unfair to say the purchase was impulsive, because I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, but I’d held off because I assumed I’d use the new iPhone to track my steps, once I bought it that is. But the iPhone is just too expensive for me at the moment ($370, gasp!), so this was a in-between purchase. The Jawbone Up was on sale at Best Buy for $64.99. Not too bad.

You wear the Jawbone around your wrist, and it tracks the amount of steps you take and the amount and quality (deep vs. light) of sleep you’re getting. I’ve always liked the idea of collecting data about yourself and trying to “hack” your health to make yourself healthier and happier.

As I’ve gotten into my thirties, I’ve noticed that my body isn’t functioning the way it used to. And not only my metabolism – which is the change every thirty-something seems to mention when it comes to changing health. For me, my body seems to be having trouble digesting the food I used to love, namely carbohydrates. I think it might be a gluten intolerance, so I’m ‘hacking’ my body by trying a 21-day no-gluten diet.

So, I like the idea of the Jawbone because it’s a way to track and monitor your habits, and I hope that it helps me develop better ones.

Have you ever used one of these devices? What did you think?

Photo on 11-9-14 at 5.19 PM

I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

“It’s not about the actual quilts, you know…”

November 8, 2014 By in Friendships Leave a comment

Last weekend, I took a visit to my local Barnes and Noble. My boyfriend (technically, he’s my fiance, but I hate that word, so let’s agree here and now to use it as little as possible) was looking for a new book, and I find wandering the aisles of Barnes and Noble immensely relaxing so I tagged along. As I wandered around, I found myself in the Arts and Crafts section. Lately, I’ve been attracted to the idea of getting more into crafting, mainly because I’m constantly in my own head because my job/studies is all mental. I want to use my hands more. I think it’s a common desire among writers, and I’ve had this conversation with my classmates. In fact, two of my friends at school and I are planning on making soap together soon, so that should be fun. I’ll keep you posted.

Anyhow. So there I am, looking at the books on knitting and scrapbooking thinking about how these aren’t the right crafts for me, when I looked down a shelf and saw books on quilting. Immediately, I felt drawn to the books. It could be because it had been damn COLD that week, and we have a faulty window that won’t shut, so blankets have been top of mind.

Whatever it was,  I no idea why I immediately wanted to google quilting classes in my neighborhood. But later that night I was telling Laura about how I felt drawn to quilting, and how I couldn’t really understand the desire, since I’ve never really given much of a passing thought to this activity. (With the exception of that movie, “How to Make an American Quilt,” which I actually don’t remember anything about except there was a hot dude and old ladies sitting around quilting).

Laura then proceeds to hit the nail on the head. It’s not about the quilting, she tells me. It’s about the women you’re quilting with. And ding! That was it. Quilting is a group activity, at least from what I’ve heard. You sit around with a group of women and you quilt and talk. Not to be corny, but there’s a lot of power in a group of women coming together.

I realized that’s what I was missing in my life. A connected group of women to talk with. I have friends here now, and amazing friends around the country, which I am so immensely thankful for, but I do miss having a solid group of local girlfriends to talk with. There’s something very rich about the group dynamic. I think if you don’t have children, it’s hard to create a solid group of female friends in your 30’s.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “But I totally do!” then count yourself grateful and lucky.

So now the goal is to learn quilting, but also to cultivate relationships and try to bring the women in my life together.

FB-promo-quilt

Consciously Removing Unconscious Labels

November 7, 2014 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , 1 Comment

New Orleans is one of my favorite cities in the country. However, I’ve been here before. Numerous times. And so I’ve found it hard to care as much as I used to.

When I arrived in New Orleans for work two days ago, a dull happiness beat in my heart. But then that happiness was quickly covered by a grayness. For me, this grayness is common…it occurs when I find it hard to feel.

I remember the first time I ever came to New Orleans- about two years ago. I was so excited. I took a Mardi Gras Tour, a Walking Tour and a Ghost Tour. I wanted to do it all- even though I was working. I ran along the Mississippi River before work. I ate beignets for dessert. I took pictures of balconies at dusk. I daydreamed about Tennessee Williams plays and listened to jazz. Voodoo stirred my soul. Everything was so unique.

This time, because of all the other times I’d been here before, my mind duly noted that New Orleans was one of my favorite cities. My eyes glossed around town. I’d seen it. I felt anxious. I felt nothing much. New Orleans had become a label.

I wouldn’t even have registered this, except that the other day a guided meditation I was listening to talked about how labeling things had become the norm for almost everyone. At first I thought ‘absolutely not me!’ and then I realized labeling is actually my unconscious’ favorite thing to do. Labeling orders my world and keeps everything recognizable, safe and easy. Does this sound familiar to you? You put things and people into a box and label it with an opinion, and then you just look at the label to know what’s inside. It’s hard to really see things again after that.

I know academically that even when you see the same thing 100 different times, it’s never the same. But it’s so hard to actually grasp the meaning of that in real life. So hard.

So yesterday I decided to fight the labels. I was going to look again. I was going to see New Orleans uniquely once more. I was going to move past the grayness and feel something new while seeing something old.

So I stared down the alleyways..the ones I used to thrill at seeing in NOLA, but now passed by. They led to their usual gorgeous open courtyards.

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And again I saw the funny gates that led to nowhere. A gate guarding a brick wall.

NOLA Gate

And I once again saw a city maybe falling apart. And a city with bizarre examples of its slow ruin scattered everywhere.

Stuff started to pop out at me that I hadn’t exactly seen before.

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And the grayness lifted for a second as I became curious. So I just kept on looking.

I realized it was the first time I’d been here in November. And I saw leftover Halloween decorations.

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And places that had never needed Halloween decorations. photo 5

And places that had funny signs.

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And places that were just paint.

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And I followed the sound of some church bells and stumbled onto a glass blowing school by accident.

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So I went inside and sat and watched glowing hot glass become birds and pumpkins…glass shaping itself from nothing to something right in front of me. I hadn’t seen glass blowing live since I’d been to Venice many years ago…and I’d always found it to be an unbelievably neat process. It still fascinates me.

And for a moment I felt happy.

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And as I sat and watched liquids become solids I had to admit to myself that my New Orleans labels weren’t gone- they weren’t that easy to remove. But yesterday, through sheer will, I had set them aside for a second, and for a moment the grayness had lightened.

Ultimately, I couldn’t summon up the same amazing feelings as the first few times I’d been to New Orleans. I didn’t suddenly jump for joy. I didn’t burst into tears. I didn’t have a sudden revelation. But it was okay.

I felt…a much more subtle movement inside. Something raw. Something clear. Something new.

 

Bad Mood Relief with Meditation and Therapy

November 6, 2014 By in Health and Wellness Leave a comment

While I love winters for the hot toddies and for having a legit excuse to wear tights and chunky sweaters (and mind you, I still do this in LA!)  it does mean our days are getting darker earlier and we’re getting less sunlight. Our bodies begin to lack that essential mood boosting Vitamin D. I’ve been fighting the blues this past year, on and off, so I can’t say it’s a “winter” thing or SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Most of my blues is from the ongoing transition from moving from NYC to LA, and grad school stress. While my favorite self-soothing remedies help (a glass of wine, pizza, and an episode of Parenthood. Clearly, I’m also a cheap date) temporarily, I’ve found some lasting change in two practices. Meditation and Therapy. I’d like to tell you a little more about how they worked for me.

Meditation 

Have you tried meditation? I’ve always wanted to, and have some meditations sporadically over the years, but I’ve only recently gotten more serious about keeping the habit.

There are lots of ways to do it. You can simply sit still and concentrate on your breathing for a specified amount of time, 5-20 minutes generally. Or you can try a guided meditation using links online. I know Laura likes using guided meditations, and I find them useful too. I’ve found that when I have nothing to listen to, it’s so hard to sit still for more than 5 solid minutes.

Right now, I’m participating in the Oprah and Deepak Chopra “The Energy of Attraction” 21-day challenge. There’s still time to sign up. It’s a free series of 20 minute meditations for 21 days Check it out here. https://chopracentermeditation.com/about-us

I put a little candle on and let Deepak and Oprah do the work.

Meditating

Post meditating

There are also specific types of meditation. Two years ago, my friend and I checked into Transcendental Meditation, which lots of people SWEAR by, but despite the organization being a non-profit, there’s a steep fee for the introductory course, which I think is about $750. There’s a 50% discount for students, and I considered doing it in LA, but ended up deciding to wait until I had some more funds. We enjoyed the free Q and A we attended, and I really believe they are doing great work but damn if I can’t see paying that much for meditation. The thing that makes TM meditation somewhat different is that you’re assigned a mantra. (Always reminds me of Annie Hall, “Help! I’ve lost my Mantra.”)

Therapy 

I’m a therapy evangelist! I went for the first time about 6 years ago when I was going through a bad breakup. It was very helpful, especially when my therapist had me join a group session for people going through breakups. It was such a relief to talk to people going through the same thing. Luckily, it was covered by my health insurance with a co-pay. I think the co-pay was quite high, something like $40, but it still felt like a good deal at the time.

Now I’m in therapy once-a-week for regular talking sessions. Normally I just talk about the week and how it’s going. There’s no agenda, other than to release my thoughts. I’ve noticed that every time I leave therapy, I start yawning like a mad person on the bus ride home. Once I noticed this pattern, I realized how much I was holding in during the week, and how relaxing it was to get my mind unburdened.

Think money is an issue? Or do you not have health insurance? Sliding scale therapy is offered by a lot of psychological training programs. That’s what I do, and it’s based on what I can pay according to my salary. Since I’m in grad school and only work part-time, it was agreed upon that I pay $20 a session. That’s not bad at all! My therapist is technically a recent grad, but he’s pretty damn good.

And, ultimately, with therapists, it’s ALL about the fit. You have to feel like your therapist is right for you. Don’t be afraid to choose another therapist. It’s all about finding the right fit and approach.

So those are just two of my favorite healing techniques. But with both of them, the results are subtle and incremental over time. And yeah,  some days, the best therapy is a glass of wine and a good phone chat with an old friend.

How Polite Are You?

November 5, 2014 By in Friendships Tags: Leave a comment

Politeness is one of the most underrated skills I know. Even knowing that, I continually underrate it myself.

The word ‘polite’ makes me think of ‘table manners’ and ‘finishing school.’ I equate it with place settings and buttoned up shirts. It feels outdated somehow. Who puts ‘polite’ at the top of their list of self traits?

Would you strive to be exceptionally polite?

Although ‘polite’ and ‘proper’ are two similar words that aren’t exactly the same, they overlap, which makes me politeness only seem good up to a point. Saying please and thank you is good; keeping your elbows off the table is boring. When someone holds a door for me, that’s nice; when someone reprimands me for holding a fork ‘like a shovel’- that’s not so nice (this has happened in my adult life).

Holding a fork correctly is apparently a major skill.

Holding a fork correctly is apparently a major skill.

Am I polite? I try to be. I give up my seat when I see pregnant women on trains. I hold the door for the person behind me. ‘Please and ‘thank you,’ are regular parts of my vocabulary, as is the phrase “I’m sorry” (probably to an overblown extent). I try not to push tourists when they stop on the street for a photo.

But is that the extent of politeness? I read this article the other day called ‘How To Be Polite’ (which, from the title alone, I already thought was a bizarre, ‘too proper’ sounding article) that ended up broadly expanding upon politeness in a very surprising way.

The author describes his politeness as being way more than just well-mannered. He makes sure whoever he’s talking to in a conversation is heard. He asks probing questions and lets the other person talk while he truly listens. He writes emails of apology if he believes he’s wronged someone and believes in giving people second chances… even if he hated them the first time he met them. And if he hated them the first time, he’s polite enough that they’d never know. He also believes in virtually invisible politeness- never being polite in a showy way, but instead weaving it subtly through his interactions.

For him, politeness is really respecting other people- treating them as you’d want to be treated yourself. It becomes holding yourself to a certain standard, but not necessarily expecting that standard back from others. Because you never know what’s really happening in someone’s life:

“People silently struggle from all kinds of terrible things. They suffer from depression, ambition, substance abuse, and pretension. They suffer from family tragedy, Ivy-League educations, and self-loathing. They suffer from failing marriages, physical pain, and publishing. The good thing about politeness is that you can treat these people exactly the same. And then wait to see what happens.”

Perhaps politeness isn’t outdated and stodgy at all, but is something that desperately needs to to be rethought and brought back to life. If politeness was equated with second chances and empathy, with listening and not asking for anything in return, it can become a trait of very high value.

And maybe we just need to claim politeness as an important trait and build upon it. I’ve always been extremely empathetic, and I’m a pretty great listener, though not to the extent of the author in his conversations:

“I am often consumed with a sense of overwhelming love and empathy. I look at the other person and am overwhelmed with joy. For all of my irony I really do want to know about the process of hanging jewelry from celebrities. What does the jewelry feel like in your hand? What do the celebrities feel like in your hand? Which one is more smooth?”

That’s a lot, but it would be nice to feel that way! Politely overwhelmed with love and empathy for others! Politely full of a curious passion for the stories people tell! Even if they’re boring. Even if you hate them at first. When I think of politeness, that’s how I want to feel!

What if the word ‘polite’ went beyond ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and equated itself with curiosity, love, and second chances? I’ve already newly adjusted it into my vocabulary.

 

Would you be friends with your mom if you were the same age?

November 4, 2014 By in Friendships Leave a comment

How beautiful is this photo series by photographer Danielle Delph?

http://danielledelph.com/If-I-Had-Known-My-Mother-Back-Then

In a nutshell, this photographer took old photos of her mother at her age and photoshopped herself in, so it looks like her and her mother are hanging out together. It’s really sweet and touching.

I’d like to think I’d be friends with my mom if we met in different circumstances and were the same age. And even if we weren’t the same age, I’d like to think we’d still be friends. (FYI, I’m fascinated by friendship between women of vastly different ages, so if you’ve got  a story, please share with me.)

This photo series made me think about how I’ve discovered my parents personalities in deeper ways in the past 5-7 years and how even people closest to us can maintain a sense of mystery. I think when parents retire, a shift from obligation to personal exploration seems to happen for them. With my own parents, they both began to try new opportunities and almost gained a kind of youthful curiosity about certain things. It was exciting to see, and almost somewhat scary. Sometimes you think of your parents are immutable beings, steadfast and fixed in your memory and consciousness.

Accepting that my parents are growing just like I am is a beautiful thing. I’m learning about my parents as human beings, in much the same way new parents get to know their babies as they grow up into toddlers with their own distinct personalities.

Happy Monthiversary!

November 2, 2014 By in Grab Bag Tags: Leave a comment

We usually never write on Sundays, but we just wanted to say thank you so much for reading! It’s November 2, our first Monthiversary, and we already have over thirty articles about the thirties!

firworkThank you for reading and being part of this! You’re the best!

We really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on our website. We hope it’s as fun for you as it is for us, and we’re excited for many more monthiversaries to come.

Also, if you’re in the US (or certain parts of Canada), make sure to change your clocks and sleep an extra hour- you earned it!

xoxo
Jane and Laura

Friendships and good ol’ phone calls

November 1, 2014 By in Friendships Leave a comment

How do you communicate with your friends? Are you more of an emailer, texter, or caller? How do you maintain your relationships? For me personally, it’s a mix of all of the above. But I realized that I don’t talk on the phone at length with my newer friends, and by newer friends, I mean friends made in the last 5-10 years. I generally use emails, texts and social media to communicate with them.

I started thinking about this after reading the article, Is Voicemail Over? One interesting statistic from the article was a study from 2012 that said people use their phones for actual calls only 12 minutes a day.

Most of the people I talk to on the phone I’ve known for a really long time, and we grew our friendships by speaking on the phone, so it’s normal to continue that habit, and there’s something quite comforting about it. I remember that new, fresh period of my high school friendships when a friend and I would begin talking on the phone, and how intimate it felt, even though it was just two voices, laughing and chatting. Usually it involved me sitting on the rolling office chair in my room, attempting not to lean back too far, staring out the window at the adjacent apartment, gossiping about the Backstreet Boys, and being interrupted by my dad yelling, “Get off the phone or you’re not going to that Hanson concert!” (Oh god, did I really just admit that to the world? Yes.)

My phone doesn’t ring often. The only friends I talk to on the phone are older friends. I think somehow the phone as calling and talking device hasn’t gotten a bad rap – people see the a ringing phone as an intrusion. Nowadays, people text first to ask “Can I call?” or email to say, “Let’s set a phone date!”

I guess there’s nothing at all wrong with that, but I do miss the days of getting a random call and spending an unplanned hour of your afternoon catching up with a friend. And do you think hearing our friends actual voices and having to reply on-the-spot brought us closer together?