Category Archives: Health and Wellness

How to See A City In Your Thirties

November 21, 2015 By in Grab Bag, Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , 2 Comments
How to See A City In Your Thirties

One of my favorite ways to see a city on foot is to take what I’ve lovingly coined a “run-walk.”

image.jpeg

I’m a fan of running, and it’s nice to see new places and things in a city while also getting exercise. However, a lot of times when I’m just running, I don’t stop and really appreciate the scenery, nor do I take my touristy photos on the way. But when I’m solely walking, I don’t usually get as far, nor do I get the extra exercise I can get while on a run.

image.jpeg

I used to have a travel blog called You Somewhere Else where I wrote about travel tips as well as run walks and other fun and possibly useful travel habits. I’d photo blogged about my Seattle run walk before, and now I’ll share my Downtown LA one.

What’s great about a run walk is when something interesting comes up, you can stop running, and simply walk and take photos.

image.jpeg

Run-walks are usually longer than your run, but way shorter than a walk, because you can cover more ground faster. You can also run right past the boring spots.  You’re allowed to stop whenever you want and take as much time as you like.

image.jpeg

 

You can take pictures of bizarre things that strike you.

image.jpeg

Or scary things that make you want to go the other way.

image

Or funny things.

image.jpeg

Things that kind of remind you of home.image.jpeg

Things that seem to come out of nowhere.

image.jpeg

Touristy things that are still cool to you.

image

Things that are happy but sad at the same time.

image.jpeg

And beautiful things you may never have noticed.

image.jpeg

No matter what you choose to photograph and explore, I highly suggest run-walks in new cities, at least one time. They’re a laid back yet energized way to open your eyes to new sites. Enjoy the journey!

 

The Beauty of Following in Your Thirties

November 15, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

I’m concluding my last night in Miami and it’s been a great trip. Tomorrow’s gonna hurt because I have an 8am flight to my next job in LA, so I’ll try to keep this short.

I’ve been to Miami before, and I’ve had both good times and bad here. The bad times consisted of blurry clubbing alcoholic nights that I felt forced to partake in. I had one trip here where I was dragged out to a club practically every night, and I had to buy a whole new clubbing wardrobe at the Miami H&M. If you know me, you’ll know I’m not a clubber- so I was following the crowd because I wanted to make friends and not function in complete isolation.

2015-11-05 18.27.43

This is the first time the city was really amazing for me, and it’s because I followed through with what I really wanted to do. The show that I worked was late-shifted, so there were days I started work at 4pm and got out at 11pm. This allowed me to go to sleep at 2 am and wake up at 10am, still getting 8 hours sleep while remaining a night owl. I was able to enjoy my free hotel breakfast outside in the heat of a sunny outdoor patio, and then meditate and then go running on the beach afterwards. I was able to rent bikes and swim and see the city and walk for hours by myself. I was also able to go out to nice dinners with close friends, and see some family I have nearby. I also didn’t end up drinking a drop of alcohol during this particular trip in Miami, for no other reason than I wasn’t around other drinkers. Instead, I had one of the best slices of carrot cake I’ve ever had in my life. In short, this trip was the anti-party. My visit had quite the goody two shoes, squeaky clean feel for a Miami trip…but it was exactly what I needed right now.

2015-11-06 11.35.43

2015-11-11 08.39.25

2015-11-11 11.45.01

And I loved this Miami. I loved it because it’s here that I really feel like I’ve gotten a small percentage of the feel of giving zero fucks about what people think (something to strive for always, but especially in your thirties). I hung out with the people I loved and enjoyed and was nice to the acquaintances, but didn’t go out of my way to follow what they were doing. Instead I followed my yearning for being with myself and the beach and talking to my closest friends. I fell into a nice healthy rhythm and felt amazingly self-sufficient, yet socially happy for a long stretch of time. It was an amazing balance.

2015-11-13 14.12.08

It gives me hope that you can follow what you really want to do and not have to be swept along by others….and even by the scary, uncertain parts of yourself. Sometimes my own feelings get in my way and I feel like I can’t trust myself or find balance. But here I just followed what I really wanted to do, while staying in touch with the people I cared about, and things fell into place. Maybe it’s the warm weather or the beach or the movement. Or maybe it’s something else.

2015-11-13 14.18.44

Are You Using Only 10 Percent of Your Power in Your Thirties?

November 9, 2015 By in Grab Bag, Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

We all know that the widely believed scientific fact about us using only 10 percent of our brain has been proven to be a myth. Hopefully you know that we use 100 percent of our brains (well, most people anyway). If you don’t know that we use more than 10 percent of our brainpower, now you do. Here’s even more info proving the old myth wrong.

However, even though we’re using our brain’s full capabilities, sometimes I feel like we’re only using 10 percent of our full power in general. We have at least thirty years of habitual behavior behind us, and it’s very easy to fall into the same patterns.

One of my newest consistent habits has been practicing meditation. It’s an interesting new habit, because I’ve been pretty consistent about it, but it’s still very new as far as consistent habits go. I’ve been meditating for a little over a year now, whereas I’ve been brushing my teeth for over 31 years, traveling consistently for 8 years, making vegetable juices and smoothies for 6 years..you get the point.

What I’m saying is that new habits are hard to create, but when you create them and stick to them they start getting easier and will become a consistent part of your life. The issue with this is that bad habits also become easier and more consistent parts of your life the more you practice them.

I’ve had some really big bad habits forever. These include habits like:

-Procrastination on big, important things

-Relying on what other people think to determine my happiness

-Fear of confrontation

-Time management issues

When it comes to big, bad habits, change can seem frightening. But we have to remember that changing bad habits only takes many small steps.. and a lot of courage. It’s not easy to change bad habits, the same way it isn’t easy to create good habits. As I said before, the old habits we have have been going strong for over 30 years. But as I wrote about in the post “It Hurts. So What?”, sometimes you have to be courageous and get through the painful things in life day by day and bit by bit.

Deepak Chopra said during one of my guided meditations, that sometimes we’re standing in a river but we’re trying to drink from a thimble; It was an eye opening metaphor. When I feel like “I’m never going to manage my time better..I’ll never do what I really need to do!” or “I don’t know how I’ll ever do bigger and better things! Life will always be the same!” I think that I’m drinking from a thimble while standing in a river- I’m trying so hard to gulp every last drop of water from the tiniest cup but I’m too habituated in fear and desperation patterns to see that I’m standing in a river flowing with water. Wouldn’t it be funny if my fear and desperation while looking into the tiniest thimble blinded me to the river of possibilities that I was standing right in?

This can be seen even in the smallest cases- for example, yesterday I was logging in to the WIFI at the Marriott where I’m staying for work. Every day my computer logged me off the WIFI and I had to log back in again. It was really frustrating until I realized that I was selecting a button that said ‘Log in for ONE day.’ There was a drop down menu where I could’ve selected “log in for TWO days.” Or even “log in for TEN days.” I just habitually kept clicking ONE over and over and over.

Seize your power on both large scales and small…it’s all about creating new habits and breaking old ones. Don’t settle for the old habits that probably make up about 10 percent of what you can do. Stop looking into the thimble and see the damn river all around you. I swear it’s there! Don’t keep doing ONE mildly okay thing when you can have TEN great things!

1864c8cqmc1dzjpg-10b97ob-300x252 (1)

“Second-Class Citizen” in Hollywood – At 38?

September 26, 2015 By in Career, Health and Wellness Tags: , , 1 Comment

Do you have personal beauty icons? Those people who have a “look” you love and would want for yourself – and a lot of times, it’s not just their physical attributes, but rather, this unexplainable glow or draw they possess. Though they evolve, my beauty icon mainstays are Michelle Williams, Natalie Portman and Liv Tyler…

So, I was really disappointed to read an interview with Liv Tyler in the October issue of More magazine. Not because of her, she’s as awesome and lovely as ever. No, I was disturbed by something she said about being a woman in Hollywood.

liv-tyler-talks-aging

Liv Tyler

In the article, she says that thirty-eight “is a crazy number. It’s not fun when you see things start to change. When you’re in your teens or 20s, there is an abundance of ingenue parts which are exciting to play. But at [my age], you’re usually the wife or the girlfriend — a sort of second-class citizen.”

Ack. I think Liv Tyler is undeniably gorgeous. I would imagine most men from age 18 and up would agree. And so, while not surprising, I think it’s sad.

Maggie Gyllenhaal also recently said this to the Hollywood website The Wrap, “I’m 37 and I was told recently I was too old to play the lover of a man who was 55. It was astonishing to me. It made me feel bad, and then it made me feel angry, and then it made me laugh.”

The big problem for me is that we’re not going to see a richness of women on screen if this doesn’t change. I don’t want to spend my 30s going to movies about gorgeous 22 year old female protagonists. I want to see more women like me on screen, especially as I head into my mid-30s.

Thirty-Something and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Mood

September 24, 2015 By in Grab Bag, Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

Earlier this week I woke up on worse than the wrong side of the bed. I woke up on the wrong side of the planet.

A black sticky cloud had descended upon my usually happy-go-lucky outlook. My eyes went dark and my blood turned ice. The outside world had become bleak and unfriendly. My favorite things felt traitorous. My favorite activities felt lifeless. Everything sucked. There seemed to be no turning back.

There’s been some tumult in my life lately that could’ve caused this blackness to fall upon my days. A big change recently happened with my job that left me horribly upset. Someone said a few things to me recently that shook my trust in people. I’ve been a bit overtired. However, I’ve been through way worse things before, and I don’t usually get this moody.

Sometimes the perfect storm occurs in your life, and no matter how good you’ve been feeling in your thirties or how good things are going, your mood will drop into the negative range. It’s normal and it’s okay.

I’m just starting to shake this feeling, but I’ve come to a few conclusions about it. Here they are.

  1. Sometimes you’re in a black mood. It’s okay. Feel it and don’t beat yourself up.

Really feel the bad mood- give yourself permission to not be okay. You don’t have to always be okay. Try not to explode angrily at other people, but otherwise go ahead and live with the feelings for now. They will pass. When I just pretend to be positive and push away my mood, it usually prolongs the badness and makes me more upset.

2. Sometimes it’ll take a bit of time

Just because you don’t feel better the next day, or the next week, doesn’t mean you’ll always feel off. Give yourself time and don’t freak out or go down a rabbit hole of thinking “everything will be bad forever”….it won’t. I have a bad habit of going down that rabbit hole when I get upset- fearing that I’ve backtracked from all the progress I’ve made in my life. It’s really a terrible habit- but I have to remember that the progress I’ve made is real and won’t just go away because of a bad period. It’s hard to remember.

3. See if you can trace the bad mood.

Sometimes there’s a root cause to the negativity that you can actually work on. Sometimes you’re moody because you need to take action. When I realized that part of my bad mood was due to my job, I started talking about it. Talking things out is sometimes really helpful for me. I also have been attempting to brainstorm baby steps to work on the job issue. We shall see.

4. Be gentle with yourself

Give yourself permission to sleep extra hours if you can grab them. Take a long bath. Watch a movie you want to watch. Walk in nature. Read a book you like. Treat yourself the way you’d treat a friend who’s down. I recently went for a walk in the gardens of the Biltmore Estate, in North Carolina. It was calming to see such amazing beauty in nature.

5. Help someone else

Jane recently was talking to me about something sad going on in her life, and I attempted to cheer her up. While cheering her up, I remembered something that always made me feel better. I had forgotten about what made me feel better in the past- or rather, my bad mood had blocked me from it.

6. Your bad mood isn’t the real you

I’m gonna say something weird now. It’s gonna sound new-agey- but I’d appreciate you bearing with me for a sec. Here goes:

Something I’ve learned in the past few years is that the real you is always love.

I know that sounds weird and hippie-ish and is hard to make sense of, even for me right now. But believe it or not, I think love is what everything really is. Love is given to and received from you all the time, no matter what. Even when you’re at your most horrible, the real you is love. Even when people around you are total douches, their real selves are sending you love. Really.

Isn’t that sort of nice to think about?

Because there are so many blocks to feeling this love. So many. Like apathy. And boredom. And fear. And those darn bad moods. But the love is still there anyway. It’s crazy.

The blocks make it so hard to remember that they’re not what’s real- they’re just blocks to what’s actually real. I don’t know why there are these blocks, and why it’s so hard to get through them. But I guess life has always been mysterious.

M35

Happy With Less (Emotionally)

September 2, 2015 By in Health and Wellness, Relationships Tags: , 1 Comment

If you read this blog with any regularity, you probably know that I’m a screenwriter and TV writer. Which means I scour and devour (yay, rhyming!) all things screenwriting related. One of the blogs I love is called Screenwriting from Iowa. It’s worth a read even if you’re not a writer. Two days ago, the author referenced a quote from Robert Rodriguez, a director/writer best known for his films Sin City, From Dusk Till Dawn, and tons of others. His career took off when he directed/produced/wrote the super low budget El Mariachi. Rodriguez basically took the reins of his career and catapulted himself into Hollywood. Here’s the quote:

“I say when you want to do anything you need to reduce your ‘I need list’ to very little. Because if you start going, ‘Well, I need a crew first. I need a budget. I need a set…’—the longer that list gets, the further away you’re going to accomplish that. So you need to shrink that down to ‘I need nothing. I’ve got everything here.’ If you can do that you’re off and running.”
-Robert Rodriguez

When I read that quote, I thought, damn – that’s applicable to life too, isn’t it? In the same way this current craze of “de-cluttering” and minimalism in terms of material items seems to be dominating our collective unconscious, why not look for ways to de-clutter our mental plates?  What if you could be happy without an amazing job, marriage, or a child (examples of so many things on the mind of a typical 30-something)?

I’m trying to think about that myself. Right now I’ve hit none of the ‘typical’ benchmarks a 30-something might have achieved in our society. I have amazing friends and parents. And whatever happens in my external career, I do have a passion for stories and writing, and that passion is my beacon when times are challenging.

So, I guess the point is – maybe there’s something to the idea of ‘de-cluttering’ your idea of what makes you happy.

“She turned to the sunlight And shook her

Temptation in Your Thirties (Or, What About Those Times When Only Nutella Will Do?)

August 19, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

I remember the good ol’ days when I had no idea what the heck Nutella was. Those days are fuzzy and feel like they happened in another life.

Then I went through a period where Nutella was my kryptonite. It’s so delicious and tempting, I could eat the whole jar in just a few days if it was in my apartment (ok, maybe more like 2 days…or maybe even 1. Eek!). I used to stare longingly at the Nutella in my kitchen cabinet. I wanted it so badly. I had to use every ounce of my willpower to avoid it.

But then I discovered a funny thing- if I didn’t buy Nutella and didn’t have it in my apartment, I wouldn’t eat it. I couldn’t eat it. It wasn’t there to eat.

In my thirties, the Nutella lesson has become a life metaphor for many things. I started making it a habit to keep my phone ringer on silent while meditating first thing in the morning. That way, nothing can come up and interrupt my meditation- it’s just the first thing I do. I also blog at least twice a week- and I have an accountability agreement with Jane: she writes, then I write, then she writes, then I write. It’s good to have that kind of system set up.

I think that by your thirties, you’re really beginning to know yourself- your strengths and weaknesses, what you can tolerate and what you can’t, where you can push yourself and where you cannot. If you work with your strengths instead of against them, and you take your worst weak points out of the equation as much as you can, your life will run smoother. There are ways to really start working well with yourself in your thirties the way you never could before.

Setting up habits is super helpful, and can help remove kryptonite situations from your life. It’s hard to remove your kryptonite until you know what it is.. but once in your thirties, you know yourself better. So you can set yourself up to remove bad temptations from the equation and make way for good temptations to come in and make your life way more fun.

Temptation_150x224-150x150

 

 

Meditating Doesn’t Last- So What the Heck’s the Point?

August 13, 2015 By in Grab Bag, Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I’ve been really into meditating every day in the morning, before anything has had the chance to distract me. It’s been a good habit, because if I didn’t make it a habit, I wouldn’t always want to do it.

You see, I realized something interesting about the practice of meditation.

Sometimes meditating feels great and strengthens me and makes me feel positive. Other times I feel distracted and jittery and distant. Sometimes I start out really into meditating and then get distracted by to-do list thoughts. And other times I start out with distracting thoughts and slip into a very peaceful state. Occasionally it’s a back and forth.

On the days that meditation feels good the whole time, or at least by the end, there’s never a guarantee that the next day’s practice will feel as good. There’s also not a guarantee that the meditation energy will “hold” and that I’ll continue to feel good the next day without meditating again.

In this way, I feel like meditating is extremely comparable to brushing your teeth or showering. You need to make a habit out of it. It doesn’t bring goodness that lasts and lasts without its own continuation. Showering once is great for the day- and it’s better to shower only a few times a week than not at all (though I’d still go with once a day). But it’s way better to shower every day or sometimes twice a day. Same with brushing your teeth- after brushing, you feel all minty and fresh. But your teeth get dirty again, and you need to be in the habit of removing the dirt.

I think sometimes when I get down and feel like meditating doesn’t work, I forget the simple fact that it’s more of a habit than a one time thing. You’ve gotta keep removing the dirt. Brushing your teeth regularly prevents tooth decay. Meditating regularly prevents soul decay- or more accurately, it enables soul growth. If I make it a part of my life, my life grows.

Female yoga silhouette with the lotus flower

 

Sometimes the Solution Isn’t to be Nicer

August 10, 2015 By in Friendships, Health and Wellness, Relationships Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I struggle hard to learn from my mistakes and not repeat them. I strive to do my absolute very best.  I hate regret. I hate it.

I try very hard to word things correctly, and to be aware of what I might have done wrong in the past so I can always do things right in the future. I think hard about people’s feelings. I try to be helpful. I try to be fair. I worry about people’s happiness. I hope I’m being nice enough. I hope that I’m not doing something wrong and upsetting someone. I strive to be the best possible friend. I strive to be the best possible family member.

I used to be slow to return texts and emails– I struggle to be faster.

I used to let friendships lapse a bit when I got into relationships– I’m now very aware of this issue and have sworn my allegiance to my friendships.

I used to let significant others do what they wanted, even when it made me extremely unhappy or suffer– I now attempt to communicate what I need early on. This is very hard for me to do. I sometimes feel awkward communicating what I want without being asked but I know I have to.

I used to be more outspoken– now I struggle to be careful with my wording… to the point that I’d almost rather be silent than say the wrong thing by accident.

I used to believe that being nice (and down to earth and rational) could solve almost any problem– I’m now starting to understand that it cannot.

Sometimes when people surprise me by acting in what I perceive to be a sudden cruel way- possibly by saying something mean to me, or flaking on me, or disappearing on me, or by not accepting me, or telling me that they’re upset with me but hadn’t let me know before, I freak out. I obsess over what I could’ve done differently. I look through my old texts or emails, and think about conversations. I wonder if I worded things incorrectly. I worry that maybe if I could have somehow been even nicer and more thoughtful, things would be better.

But then I think about all the amazing friends and family members who accept me even when I’m busy or don’t return texts immediately or say random things that come to my head without editing them. I think about all the people who I accept and forgive all the time…even when they’re slow to respond to me or jot down brisk silly texts, or seem distracted and don’t act the best they can all the time. I realize that the people in my life are imperfect. The same way I am imperfect. And I’m suddenly starting to realize that the RIGHT people, the amazing ones, will forgive the dumb mistakes or the slow emails or the days between seeing each other when we get busy.

Sometimes being nicer and nicer in an effort to make things work with certain people isn’t going to ever make things work anyway. Perhaps the answer is to have more respect for myself and for the people who forgive my transgressions because they know that I’m doing the best I can. Because they love me for who I am, however imperfect.

Imperfect1

Getting Your Exercise On in Your 30s

July 7, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , 3 Comments

I’ll be honest – I don’t have a regular exercise practice. I walk pretty regularly as  part of my life, but when it comes to regular exercise, I just don’t do it. I probably exercise about 2-3 times a month, normally a pilates class or a elliptical/treadmill session at the gym. But it’s not enough, and I know it. Because I’m not overweight, people always assume I’m healthy and completely fine, but I don’t feel that way. I feel lethargic a lot of the time, and I get sleepy early in the evening.

I’ve read a number of articles that say – if you don’t have an exercise routine in your 30s, now is the time to prioritize it. For one thing, your metabolism decreases by 2 -3% in your thirties, so you have to do more work to maintain your physical status quo. But the bright side is that your bone mass and the growth hormones that were flowing in your 20s are still working their magic. But they will start decreasing in your 40s. So this is the best time to start exercising, before you experience the gradual loss of bone density, strength and flexibility.

The old adage “Better Late than Never” applies when it comes to exercise. Do you watch Girls? One of my personal career icons, Jenni Konner, is the executive producer of the show, and she wrote about her personal exercise evolution in Self magazine, and I could TOTALLY relate. This is an excerpt from the article:

I was 38 when I started exercising. That’s right, 38. My exercise history reads like a bad report card. Everything fitness-oriented was mandatory and completed by the skin of my teeth. The President’s Physical Fitness Test was my Everest. Each year in elementary school, as the day drew nearer, I would plot my illnesses. “My fever must be high to the point of danger. I probably have scurvy,” I’d tell my mom. My parents never fell for it, and the day usually culminated in tears and terrible sit-ups.

I made it through my unathletic 20s like any other unathletic twentysomething. I ate very little, drank a lot and stood on the sidelines, cheering on hipster dodgeball games like a narcoleptic Knicks City Dancer. In my 20s, I didn’t have to exercise because no matter what I did, I looked the same—which was pretty good in hindsight.

In my 30s, it all started to catch up with me.

– Jenni Konner

Anyway, you’ll have to read the whole article here if you want to know how she got her booty into gear, but the gist of it is that she found a workout she loved. It happened to be the Tracy Anderson method, which is supposedly amazing.

The key seems to be: find an exercise you like – something that feels like play to you. What do you genuinely enjoy doing? I hate running. While I have a few friends who swear by running, I’ve never been able to get into the swing of it and find it incredibly boring. To each their own! For me, the exercises that feel like play to me are swimming and yoga. When I’m in a pool, I feel like a little kid.

So, the key seems to be to find your exercise jam in your 30s and stick to it. Finding your “jam” may mean trying everything from ballet barre classes to free online workouts at fitnessblender.com to taking a boxing class at your local Rocky-inspired gym. It’s kinda like when people say you find your “look” in your 30s – like, you find what clothing and styles look best on you.

Here’s to a Summer of fitness and finding your way of turning exercise from an “I should” into an “I want!” And if you’re already there, congratulations! We would love to hear what exercise gets you pumped.

Discovering More About Your Body in Your 30s

June 25, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , 1 Comment

I don’t know about you, but since I turned thirty three years ago, I’ve learned a lot of new information about my body. Maybe I’m just taking better care of myself and scheduling doctors appointments where I ask for professional feedback, or maybe I’m just more curious than I’ve ever been before. Whatever the reasons, I’m finding out new information about my physical self that surprises me each time.

In this past year alone, I learned from my eye doctor that I have an enlarged optic nerve and more than one nurse/doctor has commented on how surprisingly low my blood pressure is. One nurse joked that I must be really adapting to the laid-back California lifestyle. Then, at a pilates class last weekend, the teacher informed me that I may have mild scoliosis in my back. Instead of being alarmed, I was surprised and somewhat excited! It was the same feeling I get when Aaron (who I’ve been with for six years) reveals some new story from his past. Just when you think you know all there is to know…there’s more.

I find it fascinating that we live so intimately with our bodies, and yet, can be unaware of so many of our own inner workings. Our bodies keep revealing themselves to us as we get older. We get to live in a state of perpetual discovery and wonder.

IMG_0800

Is the Saturn Return in Your Thirties a Real Thing?

June 22, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

I wasn’t going to write this post. You’ll see why below. I’ve decided I’d rather not live in secret hardship, so I’m sharing a very private experience with you guys.

Remember the post I wrote about the Saturn Return that happens in your late twenties and early thirties? If you want to know more about it, click the link above. I basically said that Saturn is the planet of difficult and important life lessons, and when he returns to the same place he was at at the time of your birth (about every 28-31 years), you end up going through a LOT. (We’re going to call Saturn a ‘he’ because I’ve anthropomorphisized ‘him’ into this strict, male professor-like character. Just go with it.)

Well, I thought my Saturn Return was over, plus I thought I didn’t even believe in anything astrological. But if the Saturn Return is real, Saturn hit me hard last year with a terrible, dragged-out and heartbreaking breakup to someone I’d been with for five years who I thought I was going to marry. And then Saturn hit me again with a major, harrowing move out of the apartment I shared with my ex.

I felt some peace this year and thought Saturn had come and gone, but he just tapped me on the shoulder for one last laugh (perhaps I didn’t learn some lesson the first time?) and turned my world completely upside down once again. I don’t think I’ve ever been as stressed as I’ve been for the past few months. So stressed that I’m afraid to even write this now, because I keep thinking ‘oh my god, what if things aren’t over? What if the hardships keep coming like they have been? Please no!’

Do you ever feel this way? Afraid to even talk about the bad things, because you’re afraid there will be even MORE bad things? And then you’ll be like ‘I wish I was grateful for THOSE bad things, because these NEW bad things are oh so much worse!’

Ugh. I usually try to be so positive and so grateful. But I’ll admit to you finally- it’s been hard. I feel completely burnt out.

I can barely write about what happened, because it’s too fresh, but I don’t want to leave you guys hanging. So in a nutshell I’ll say it involved a major betrayal by someone I thought was my good friend, a terrible and destroyed living environment, complete paranoia, exposure to amazing cruelty, and a very difficult and dragged out move…once again. And I think this was all extra hard because of my first bad experience with the ex before. I just kept thinking ‘why is all this stress happening AGAIN??!

I’m trying to be more positive and grateful for all that I have. And also let myself feel the sadness and the stress because it’s healthy.

Yet I’m still living in post-traumatic fear, and I just keep thinking these terrible words ‘please don’t let anyone get sick or die. That would be worse. So much worse.’

Ugh. Ok, I wrote it. So now you know: if you’re going through some secret hell, you’re not alone. Please don’t think you’re alone. I’m here. We’re here. Reach out 🙂

And last night I even slept for almost 13 hours. Which was very helpful. And probably very necessary.

saturn_false

How did Accomplishing a Major Goal Leave Me in a Funk?

June 19, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , , Leave a comment

When you finally accomplish something big in your life, something that’s taken up a lot of your time and mental energy,  there’s a big gap in your life when the goal is finally completed. That’s how I’m feeling right now after graduating from my MFA program. It was only two years, but having school meant having a structure in my life that kept me going day-in and day-out. I knew that everyday I was working towards completing my degree. And now, in addition to not having a clear goal going forward, I have a sense of loss for the old goal.

I graduated exactly one week ago, and it’s finally setting in that I have no concrete plans going forward. I’ve had family in town and tasks to keep me busy during this week, but today was the first day that I felt the void. I did have some work to complete for a web series project I’m working on, so I did that. But I then spent the rest of my day pretty much inert on either my couch or bed watching reality shows like Intervention on Netflix or reading magazines like Rachel Ray’s Everyday. I’m not ashamed to admit the slothful day I let myself have; we’ve all got days like that. Personally, I know that when I have a lot of free time alone, I fall into bad patterns (something I’m trying to work on). I guess you could say that I fell into a funk today. I have to remind myself that they are a natural and inevitable part of life. But a lot of my hours today felt incredibly frustrating and low.

I’m trying to prepare myself for next week, when I’ll have to finally face that void head on and start looking for jobs. But during that time while I’m job-hunting, I’ll have to find ways to buoy my spirits.

How do you get out of your funk when you have one?

Here are a few of the things that help me on days like this.

1) Make a Schedule or To-Do List –  This simply helps you feel in control of your life going forward. Yes, today may be a wash of inactivity, but when you wake up tomorrow, you’ll have things you know you have to get to.

2) Move Your Body – Not only because moving and exercising helps with your mood but because the act of moving your physical body encourages mental movement too.

3) Make Someone Else Feel Better – Sometimes when I have no energy to help myself, I can muster energy to write back an email to a friend or send a quick encouraging text to someone.

4) Write a list of 10 cool things you COULD do if you have the motivation to do – This one is my favorite! When you wake up in the morning and you have that first jolt of caffeine and you’re feeling inspired, write a list of all the cool, wacky things you might want to do someday. And consider this a non-pressured list – you don’t have to do these things. Your list could include “Create a business plan for a bed and breakfast” or “Take a Woodworking Class.” Anything and everything that sparks some excitement in you goes on the list.

The Childhood Calorie Dilemma Still Around In My Thirties

May 30, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

As a woman, I’ve grown up reading my fair share of women’s magazines. It started with Seventeen Magazine (which I began reading at age 12.)

But I was always a voracious reader even back then, so it didn’t stop there.  I began to devour Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire, Elle, Vogue, Allure, and occasionally even Redbook. I couldn’t stop. When I got to college and discovered that the gym existed and was something I could do, I added Shape, Women’s Health, and Self Magazine to my repertoire.

The magazines were “fun” and “silly” but they were also addictive and confusing. I took their advice very seriously because I didn’t have any other information about diet and exercise. I’d never really thought much about working out and being thin before. I grew up in a household that ate dessert and drank soda with every meal, and my mother always cooked wonderful indulgent dinners for us every night.

It took until college for the magazine brainwashing to really kick in, but once I was living on my own, I began to really experiment with diets in order to be the ultimate in skinny. I went through all kinds of weird food phases.

  • I tried the Atkins diet where I only ate meat and cheese, and just butter alone…with no bread.
  • Then I tried the South Beach diet, which was a modified version of Atkins- so I could add some nuts to my meat.
  • I tried skipping dinner every single day until I couldn’t do it anymore.
  • I tried skipping lunch every single day until I couldn’t do it anymore
  • I replaced dinner with milk shakes
  • I went days without eating solid food and tried to live on liquids alone.
  • I tried eating soy sauce packets instead of food when I got hungry.
  • I tried to eat only fruit and vegetables and absolutely nothing else…except occasionally soy chips.

And there were probably many other stupid phases I don’t really remember. And during most of them, I made sure to go to the gym 5-7 days a week as well, because I figured that would help. And I never thought of myself as having any sort of disorder, because it was all “normal”…every woman was obsessed with being thin. Obviously, thin was the best thing to be. And I didn’t have an “eating disorder” because I was neither anorexic nor bulimic. But I was obsessed. I couldn’t think of much else besides what I did or didn’t eat. But of course, I knew I could stop at any time…

Throughout all of this, and beyond, my focus was never on being the strongest I could be. I never thought about food as making me strong and actually physically powerful. I thought about LACK of food as making me powerful…psychologically powerful that is…because being thin equals ultimate power, right?

So when I read the article 1200 Calories the other day, it almost made me cry, because the comments it makes about problematic marketing to women are so true. Even now. The marketing is just as bad now.

I hope that one day women’s magazines will all stress eating whole foods, building muscle, and getting strong, as opposed to just cutting calories and getting as thin as possible, but I don’t know if this will ever truly happen.

The author of ‘1200 Calories’ talks about how women have been taught from a very young age, through all sorts of media sources, that what we need to do is cut calories and starve ourselves. We’re taught that being as thin as possible is the ultimate perfection. We’re taught that eating low calorie food with no real nutrients and doing as much cardio as possible is the way for us to be sexy.

“Women’s magazine covers frequently use terms like “drop X pounds fast!” and “calorie-torching workout!” and “low-calorie foods.” Men’s magazines use keywords like “build,” “power,” and “strength. Think of all the potential that is thrown out the window when women deprive themselves of food on their quest to be thin. What great things could women accomplish if we weren’t fucking dieting all the time?! It’s saddening.” 

How sad is it that the message of going for actual health, building muscle, and being strong wasn’t a message I started thinking about until recently? How much sadder is it that I still barely believe that message to be true?

What can we do about this? How can we combat the harmful marketing to women that’s still going on strong right at this very moment?

2014-02-19-437pxShape_Tisdale

It hurts. So what?

May 20, 2015 By in Grab Bag, Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

A couple of weeks ago, I was extremely afraid. I wanted to speak up, but it felt much easier to stay silent. Or rather, I needed to speak up but was afraid of the response. There was an 95 percent chance that things wouldn’t end well.

Okay, I exaggerate. I’m not saying that I would die or get physically injured or even be screamed at, but I likely wouldn’t get the response I desired. I’m talking about the likelihood of a very high rejection rate.

I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t say what I wanted to say. I knew I’d feel even worse if I stayed silent. But I was scared. The pain I’d feel if rejected felt very real.

So I vented to Jane about how I felt safer staying quiet because I didn’t want to bring almost certain pain into my life. Even though I knew what I needed to do, it sucked that I could predict the future pain from doing it. And it was then that she said to me one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard in my adult life.

She said “yeah, it’s going to probably  hurt. It’ll probably hurt very bad. But okay. So what?”

So what??

The revelation feels groundbreaking. Things may hurt, very badly even, but so what? So what?

Can you live with the pain of things hurting? Yes. And when you can live with that pain and be brave in the face of it, the world opens up.

Suddenly, suddenly everything is doable. Even the most immense impending hurt can’t stop you. It can bring you to your knees and it can make you cry. For awhile even.

But so what?

I ended up saying what I needed to say, and I was extremely relieved I did. And the hurt still came on strong. The rejection felt intense and stung with pain.

But so what? So what??

I’m still here. And I’m okay.

An Egg Freezing Horror Story

May 19, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , Leave a comment

If you’re a female in your thirties without children who wants children, you’ve probably at least heard about egg freezing. Maybe you’ve even considered it. I never really dug into researching it, mainly because I can’t afford it (The procedure usually starts at around $10,000 plus additional yearly fees for storage). So, since I didn’t research it, I kind of assumed it was an easy, breezy procedure. An in-and-out sort of thing. A very expensive afternoon hospital visit.

But after reading this scary article by Vicki Rox in VICE online, I Froze My Eggs, Ended Up in the ER, and Almost Lost an Ovary, I discovered that it’s actually a much more complex process which involves amping up your hormones levels weeks before you get the procedure so you’ll have as many eggs as possible. Now, the point of the article is not about how involved the process is, but rather the abnormal side effects she experienced (Ovarian torsions). But regardless, the author got me thinking about what the actual procedure is like, something I had never considered.

It seems a lot more ‘real’ than the ‘theoretical’ egg freezing I had imagined. I’ve never been a fan of playing with hormone levels in my body, mainly because I have intense PMS mood swings and don’t want to mess with that any more than I have to.

It’s worth a read to gain a fresh, honest perspective on what actually happens during an egg freezing procedure.