Lately I’ve been bumming out over how little progress I feel I’ve made with my writing. While I’m writing more than ever, I’m not getting the meetings or the feedback I would like. It can feel disheartening. So, I was buoyed a little reading this article about Louie CK, comedian extraordinaire. He has some wise words for those of us struggling to pursue something artistic, or something just plain challenging.

Here are some encouraging quotes from his article in The Hollywood Reporter:

“I didn’t start doing really well until I was about 42 years old; I’m 47 now, so I got 42 years against five good ones. I still have a lot to draw from, and life doesn’t get easier. It’s still cold when I’m outside like it is for everybody else.”

“I definitely have huge benefits to how well I’m doing, but you do find yourself missing the climb. It’s a little like Mount Everest. When you summit, you spend about 20 minutes up there, and you do a little dance, but if the 20-minute dance was really it, would you really risk your life for the amount of work it takes to get up and down? So every time I feel like I’ve found a clearing, I try to find something else that I don’t know how to do yet. That’s just much more interesting to me.”

Remember to enjoy the journey, because that’s half the fun.

Love you, Louie.

Do you feel this gnawing need to achieve something great? Do you feel like you’re constantly striving? I have and I do. Throughout high school, I strove to get into the best college I could, make Dean’s List in college, and after college, my dreams were always huge and perhaps unrealistic, “make my own feature film,” “sell a screenplay,” “have a play reviewed in the NY Times.” Now I understand that these goals can take years comprised of steady work that builds over time. But when I was 24, I assumed I could accomplish them in a year, and when I didn’t, I felt woefully inadequate that I had “failed.”

That’s why this article by Andrew Yang, CEO of Venture for America, resonated  so much with me:  The dark side of American’s achievement culture. Yang talks about this drive to succeed, saying:

I jokingly call the hang-ups associated with a drive to achieve as “the Achievement Demons.” When I was growing up, I’d study for days trying to get good grades. When I’d get an “A,” I’d feel elation for about 30 seconds, and then a feeling of emptiness. Rinse and repeat.

Man, I can totally relate to that. His article is fascinating, and he gives some tips and tricks to avoid letting the achievement demons get you down. My favorite quote in the article is this one:

“FOMO (fear of missing out) is the enemy of valuing your own time.”

I’ve never thought about FOMO that way, but that’s exactly what it is. When your really think about it, FOMO is the biggest self-insult there is. You’re basically devaluing and insulting whatever you’re doing at that moment. It’s kind of like when you have a guest at a party who leaves early to go to another party that will seemingly be more fun. But  in this case, you’re the guest at your own party who wants to leave!

Anyhow, I highly recommend reading this article if you ever feel like you’re constantly striving.

I recently saw the new Noah Baumbach movie, While We’re Young. He’s the same filmmaker behind Frances Ha, which was an absolute gem of a movie about female friendship and if you haven’t seen it, SEE IT NOW. Anyway, the premise of While We’re Young is basically that a childless couple in their 40s form a friendship with a young, free-spirited artistic couple in their 20s who force them to re-evaluate their lives.

I loved the film because it explores topics I’m interested in, including: what success means, choosing whether or not to have children, how age affects our expectations, friendships over time, etc.

Even though I’m in my thirties, I related to the older couple and how they had fallen into more comfortable day-to-day existence that their 20-something selves would probably scoff at. I think a lot of thirty-somethings can relate to the movie, especially because our paths oftentimes start to diverge from our friends causing distance and sometimes, resentment.

Check out the trailer below:

It’s April 2nd and we started this blog on October 2nd!

We’re now officially 6 months old- woohoo! And we’ve been continuing to write 6 posts a week about the thirties every single week! 🙂

We want to officially thank our awesome readers and friends! So much love and shoutouts to our fantastic wordpress and email readers! Thank you so, so much!

And thank you so much Karen from Confetti and Curves for being so inspirational to us right from the the beginning and for being one of our top commenters! Also, thank you Rico, from Smart Money, for always having such insightful comments and suggestions for our finance posts. Thanks so much to Katie from Plus +Beauty for always having positive and helpful things to say, and always brightening our day!  Also, you’re awesome Nadine from Ladies and Lace– we always love what you have to say! Also, thanks to Eljon Wardally for being our first Portrait of a Thirtysomething interviewee! (Also, if anyone wants to be a part of Portrait of a Thirtysomething in the future, we’d love to have you- just click here!)

And special hugs to Jane’s awesome mom Elaine, and Sayuri, Seth, Aaron, Colleen, Janna, Gabby, Ryan, Christina, and Kari!

We’re so grateful! Thank you all again!

Since I’m getting my MFA in screenwriting and TV writing, I keep an eye on TV shows and films that are being green lit by studios and networks (meaning they are going into production). Today in the industry publication Variety, I saw that a reality show about 40th birthday parties is heading to series:

“My Fab 40th”
 Produced by Fremantle North America, and developed by Purveyors of Pop, with Thom Beers, Matt Anderson, Nate Green, and Maty Buss serving as executive producers.

Delve into the world of extravagant 40th birthday parties where people put some serious “happy” into a righteous rite of passage. From unlimited budgets to lavish delicacies and over-the-top entertainment, fans will see why turning 40 is such a gift.

I didn’t realize that was even a thing – “the world of extravagant 40th birthday parties.” Maybe I just haven’t been invited to any yet? But I can’t imagine that in seven years I’m going to want to spend a lot of money on a big party. Instead, I can see myself spending money on my kid’s birthday party.

It got me thinking about how my birthday celebrations have changed over the years. In my 20s, I used to have big birthday gatherings at bars. But I always got social anxiety having to entertain all those people and ended up drinking too much to numb the anxiety. I’ve discovered and accepted that I love focusing intently on one person at a time, and so large parties where I play host are mentally exhausting. Naturally, the older I’ve gotten, I like my birthday celebrations small – with family and friends who feel like family. I imagine that my 40th birthday party will be small and celebrated with champagne and cupcakes, and hopefully on the east coast. So while I don’t think I’ll be hosting my own extravagant 40th celebration, I hope I’m invited to one or a few!

Do you online date? I’m in a long-term relationship, so it’s been nearly 6 years since I was actively dating. But at that time, I remember using OkCupid, Nerve, and eHarmony when I was online dating. I would be psyched to email with someone cool, but  sometimes they would say something that would throw me off (“Just so you know, I’m into cosplay. Cool?” or “I don’t believe in bathing more than once a month”) or they would simply ghost on me and disappear into the ether. I had the best luck with OkCupid, but even then, I’d email for awhile with a guy, and then I would get too scared to meet them in person. So I’d often just keep delaying actually meeting up. Once, I even cancelled a date day-of. I was the worst, flakiest version of myself. I did meet a few guys in person but it was always hours of anxiety beforehand that was only bearable in the right circumstances.

In an earlier post, Laura talked about the dating site Tinder and how there was backlash to their new pricing system. (They’re basically charging people over 30 a higher rate. Boo!) Anyway, there was some controversy with one of Tinder’s co-founders, Whitney Wolfe,  below, who left the company after she initiated a sexual harassment and workplace discrimination lawsuit. (All fair, in my opinion.)

Whitney Wolfe has recently gone ahead and co-founded an app called Bumble. It’s a new dating app that hopes to empower women in dating. Whitney herself said, “Bumble is something that can give women power and also take the pressure off men. We wanted to even the playing field a little bit.” So how exactly does Bumble do that?

• Only WOMEN can initiate contact.
• Women must reply to their matches within 24 hours or the matches disappear.
• The target demographic is women from the ages of 18-35.

I’ll be honest – I’m intrigued. So often we’re taught that the men should initiate contact when it comes to dating. Even I still assume a man should initiate contact with a woman. I don’t know why, but I always just feel as though “If he likes me enough, he’ll reach out and find me.” What, am I encouraging stalking or something? Jeez. But I’m starting to challenge my own beliefs, because what is all that mumbo jumbo “The Rules” type-stuff even based on?

What do you think? Is Bumble something you’d try?