Check out this funny video from comedians Aparna Nancherla and Jo Firestone called ‘entering your thirties’ from the new YouTube channel, RIOT, dedicated to female comedy. LOVE this.

I don’t know if it’s fair to say that Los Angeles is a new city for me, but it feels like one though I’ve moved here nearly three years ago. I like it a TON more than I did before, and I finally feel like I have a bit of a life groove going, so that is good. But I still don’t have many close friends here. I have a lot of social friends and acquaintances, but not many deep friendships. I do think that’s because deep friendships take time, but I also think being in my 30s and living in LA have affected it as well.

I wasn’t thinking too much about my friends here until I signed up to do more stand-up comedy shows. If you’re a new comic, you generally do either open mics or “bringer” shows. They are called “bringer” shows, because you have to bring 3-5 friends to come support you. Now this seems like a do-able task, because most people have 3 friends who would be down to come out to a show you’re performing in, right? Yes. But here’s the thing. When I had my stand-up debut, I invited everyone I knew in LA, and had a pretty nice turnout. But now, I’m going to be performing the SAME material for probably 6-7 minutes AND whoever comes is going to have to pay the cover fee plus a two drink minimum (comedy club standards).

But will acquaintances/new friends/colleagues come to see you perform more than one in a span of two weeks? As I’ve been pondering how to promote this show, it’s made me wish that I had deeper ties here so that I could have those friends to whom I could say (err…beg?) “Pleaaaaase come see my show! I need you here. And you know I’ve got your back for anything you need.”

I’ve been telling myself that it takes time to make deep roots. And sometimes, it’s okay to have acquaintances and early friendships. That’s exciting too, because you never know which one of those new friends will end up being one of your best friends in five years.

And for any readers in LA, come see my show this Thursday! I’ll buy ya a drink?

The other day my mom told me about a movie she thought I would love – “Don’t Think Twice.” It’s about an improv group, who are also best friends in their 30s, and what happens when one of them has commercial success.

The movie explores what it means to be in your 30s and trying to succeed as an artist.

Here’s the trailer:

There’s a great interview with Mike Birbiglia, the filmmaker, Variety. One of the questions was particularly relevant to being in your 30s. 

Were you interested in depicting how your life changes from your twenties to your thirties? That’s a big shift, and it’s not one that’s often depicted on film. 
Definitely. There’s no way I would have written this in my twenties. I feel like in my twenties, I was chasing this dream of having a sitcom. At a certain point, I realized it wasn’t even my dream. It was everybody else’s dream except for me. I had a sitcom pilot at CBS like eight years ago and when it didn’t get picked up to air, I was left with all this free time. I put my head down and worked on these three one-person shows Off-Broadway and I directed these two feature films, and I feel so lucky that happened. At the time I was crushed. I felt like it was the biggest failure of my life and in retrospect I think it’s the luckiest thing that ever happened to me.

There’s a cultural idea of success in America. Usually people view it as exposure or visibility. You know, being known. In my thirties, I came to realize that success is connecting with people. Helping people. And contributing in some way. It can be for millions of people in TV or in movies, or it could be for twenty people in an improv theater in Minneapolis.

Remember those college days where you were able to drink at least 10 different drinks until 3 in the morning, fall asleep (pass out), and then wake up in the morning (or afternoon) feeling refreshed? And even those nights in your 20’s when you could have 6 or 7 beers and then wake up and go to work the next day?

Maybe some of you can still do these things relatively unscathed, but for me and many people I know, those kinds of pay-no-penalty nights are gone.

A lot of my friends have been bringing this up lately- the alcohol topic just seems to keep repeating. At first I thought it was just me who was waking up 5 hours after a night of drinking with a quickly beating heart and a strange sense of dread. But then I started hearing the same thing every time I went out with a friend: “I can’t drink as much as I used to.” Or “my tolerance has decreased,” or even “my tolerance has increased and I don’t get drunk anymore- I just get majorly hungover.” Or simply “I now know my limits more..and they’re lower than they used to be.

At first I was convinced that this was all psychosomatic. So many people convince themselves that they feel old because they’re getting older number-wise- but it doesn’t have to be this way. Hell, that’s one of the big reasons we started this blog. But I looked up this drinking in your thirties issue, and almost every article I read said that the lowered tolerance was a real thing.

Here’s a funny one: http://distractify.com/humor/2016/01/27/harris-says-no-more-keg-stands

And here’s one saying how it can get even worse in your 40s: http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052702304439804579205913000870266

And there are a lot more if you look up “drinking tolerance in your thirties.”

So, okay, maybe less alcohol drinking will have to happen in our thirties. But that doesn’t mean cutting alcohol out entirely if you don’t want to. It just means prioritizing feeling good over a bender of a night. It means knowing yourself better and knowing your limits better. And knowing that having a glass or two of wine from time to time (if you like that) probably won’t hurt you. Just own the way your body works in your thirties- take care of yourself and enjoy a more sophisticated life. After all, you’re an adult now.

Crazy, right?

A lot of blogs inspired me when I went to Japan. I love reading the opinions of fellow bloggers even more than professional travel guidebooks, because I feel like I get a deeper view into what it actually feels like to go to a place. This post, and possibly another one or two afterward, will be more travel guide than thirties related, but they’re my way of paying it forward. Feel free to skip around if this  isn’t useful to you right now.

So firstly, when planning this trip, I started my research from the outside in- that is, I started with the big picture and then worked with details later. So I recommend starting with:

1. Research the best times to go to Japan

Japan has basically the same seasons as the US- with winter, spring, summer and fall happening the same way as they do in my hometown. HOWEVER, Japan has a rainy season in mid-June and July which I made sure to avoid, and also the summers there are known to be unbearably hot and humid- in a place not very famous for their ACs. So I wanted to avoid most summer months- BUT if you want to climb Mt Fuji, you’ll only be able to do so in the summer months, with August being the best time. During other seasons the Mt Fuji summit is closed- as it was when I went.

Mt Fuji’s summit was blocked off but we went up as far as we could

Also, in winter, I’ve read many accounts from bloggers who said that they were freezing in the Airbnbs they stayed at. A lot of Japanese homes get cold in winter and are heated with space heaters, which may or may not be good enough. Bloggers had reported especially freezing temperatures inside the Buddhist temples they stayed at in Koyasan. And since my biggest plan other than to see Tokyo was do stay overnight at a temple, I didn’t want to be freezing.

My beautiful bedroom in the temple in Koyasan

Fall is an especially popular time to go to Japan to see the famous Cherry Blossoms. I’m sure Japan is beautiful then, but spring was great too. Spring was perfect for me.

2. Figure out how long you will be in Japan in order to make a plan for your trip.

I knew I was going to be in Japan for two weeks, so I actually researched specific two week itineraries laid out by other bloggers. A one week itinerary has a very different schedule than a month itinerary.

3. Look into the itineraries you find and research the places in Japan where different people choose to go, in order to figure out what you really want to see.

I really wanted to see this guy.

Many people were super into seeing hundreds of temples. Some people loved camping and outdoorsy adventure. Some people really cared about the history of feudal Japan. I’m not really into any of those things, so I took that heavily into consideration when planning where to go in Japan. I love cities, so I wanted more days in Tokyo. Staying overnight in a meditative Buddhist temple sounded like a dream to me, so I prioritized that and found the absolute best city for it- Koyasan. Every single blogger and friend told me Kyoto was amazing and beautiful and peaceful and needed extra days so I made sure to give Kyoto the space in my itinerary that it needed. My itinerary ended up fitting my tastes perfectly. You would make yours differently.

Ginza at night

4. I used an amazing train pass called the JAPAN RAIL PASS to get around (you must purchase this in your own country before you go to Japan!!), and a SUICA card which works for the subways in ALL the cities in the country (get this in Japan at the train station)

The SUICA card even had my name on it!

This train pass probably saved me hundreds of dollars. It allowed me unlimited rail travel around Japan for two weeks. It didn’t cover all the local subways in the cities but it surprisingly covered a lot of those too! In Tokyo I used the Rail Pass to take the subway for free all the time. In Kyoto and Osaka I could sometimes use it for subways too! Sooooo worth it, mainly if you’re not JUST staying in one city in Japan. If you want to move around Japan, it’s a must!

For the local subways, pick up a SUICA card in Japan. It can be used on any subway in the whole country! How’s that for efficiency?

5. I picked up a Pocket wifi at the airport

My Pocket Wifi was by far my most important tech tool in my Japan travel arsenal. For $85 total for two weeks, I had a hotspot that gave me unlimited data on both my phone and my laptop. I carried it with me at all times and it was absolutely amazing. I wouldn’t have been able to see so much (or blog so much) in Japan without it- I would have spent most of my time being lost. It was great for researching what to see while I was on the go, and for Google Maps and another amazing app called Hyperdia.

6. Download Hyperdia

Google Maps was pretty useful, but it was nothing without Hyperdia. Hyperdia is an app that’s like Google maps, but specifically for ALL the trains in Japan. It’s amazingly detailed, and will even tell you how much each route will cost. It goes together well with Google maps..I used Google maps more for walking directions and familiarity, and Hyperdia for extremely accurate specificity.

7. Keep your passport with you at all times

Its actually illegal not to have your passport on you when you’re in Japan. I was never stopped and asked for it, but you never know. Besides that, your passport will get a you a ‘foreigner’ discount at a lot of stores when you spend a certain amount of money. Also, Japan is SUPER SAFE- it’s quite possibly the safest country in the world- so don’t worry about your passport getting stolen. And if you lose it, someone will mail it to you. Seriously. It’s crazy how nice people are in Japan. The good kind of crazy.

8. You need cash

A really surprising fact about Japan is how cash-centric it is. Cash is truly king in Japan- it’s just expected that you will have cash. When restaurants or stores are cash only, they don’t always say it on their doors or menus- it’s a luxury when places take credit cards. Luckily, a few bloggers informed me of this before I left, so I made sure to exchange a bunch of yen at my local bank in America before my trip. Sometimes the atms in Japan don’t work for foreign debit cards, so I recommend exchanging cash before you go. Don’t worry about carrying lots of cash with you-  as I said before, Japan is extremely safe. Just don’t lose it cause even if people turn it in, cash doesn’t have your contact info on it.

Thats what I have so far. Feel free to write to me in the comments below if you have any questions. Hope you’re able to plan an amazing trip to the absolutely incredible country of Japan. You have some wonderful adventures ahead of you!

One of the thousands of beautiful temples in the Kyoto area