Category Archives: Career

Are You Working Too Hard On Your Relationship In Your Thirties?

August 21, 2015 By in Career, Relationships Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

“Relationships are hard work.”

I hear this a lot. And I think it’s kinda confusing.

Many things are hard work. Sometimes it’s hard work to drag myself out of bed when it’s really early. Or to figure out how to fix a laptop when it’s broken. There’s a good amount of work involved in completing a marathon. Or confronting someone when you’re upset with them. Or asking for a raise. Or building the Golden Gate Bridge.

I guess what I’m saying is that hard work is hard to define.

What constitutes hard work? What amount of work does it take… to build a relationship? Or to build an actual ship? To build the pyramids of Giza?

There’s a lot of different degrees of hard work. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I’ve come up with a theory. I think it’s possible you’re working too hard in your relationship.

Relationships definitely take work. Most things that need to be built take some form of work. But there’s work that fits well with you and is flowing from a place of natural strength, and there’s work that doesn’t quite fit- the work of getting that octagonal peg in that frustrating triangular hole.

Let me explain. Think of the worst possible career you can imagine having. I asked a few people this question, and got some funny answers…I heard everything from embalmer to physics teacher to construction worker. One person even said ‘heart surgeon.’ Now, heart surgeon is a pretty complex and difficult career, and I can’t imagine doing it. It wouldn’t be exciting for me to have someone’s life in my hands like that on most days. I don’t think I’d be very good at being a surgeon because I’d be too anxious. I would dread going into work every day. I’d be downright afraid.

Now, if someone put a gun to my head and said “You HAVE to be a heart surgeon for the rest of your life or I’ll KILL you and everyone you know!!” I’d make the best of it. I’d work hard to make myself into the best doctor I could be. And it would be really, really hard.

However, there are people who very much LIKE being heart surgeons. It’s a competitive field! Those doctors go into the hospital everyday and are happy to work at their chosen career.

And get this- the heart surgeons who love being heart surgeons still have to do WORK….they can’t come into the hospital and go to sleep. They can’t eat Doritos in the corner after opening up a patient’s chest cavity. They can’t say “Eh, I don’t feel like it today. No surgery for you. I’m gonna go watch the Yankee game instead.”

There’s still hard work involved for a happy heart surgeon! But the work’s much easier because it goes with who the surgeon is and the career that fits with his or her personality.

Now, that same happy heart surgeon might feel like they’d have to do a ton more hard work if they were forced into a career as a model.

Do you see what I mean?

So, although it’s totally possible that you’re not doing enough work in the relationship that’s actually the right one for you (are you the happy heart surgeon eating Doritos in the corner while someone’s heart suffers?) it’s also possible that you’re doing way too much work (are you a physics teacher working your darndest to have a career as an embalmer?) Haha, okay, that’s weird, but you get the point.

Perhaps you’re following the good advice that relationships are hard work and so you’re working hard. But are you working too hard on the wrong thing?

It’s not an easy question.

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You Are Not Your Job

July 1, 2015 By in Career Tags: , , , 3 Comments

I’ve been job-hunting this past week, and it’s been causing me a lot of anxiety. There are so many highs and lows to the process; so much to consider. I’ve been really trying to find jobs that feel like “me,” but it’s hard because the work I’m extremely passionate about (film and TV writing) doesn’t operate like most industries. There are no job postings for that type of work. And so I have to find jobs that are somewhat out of my exact field. Usually, I’m okay with that – I thought I had made peace with it.

But today, when I was job hunting, a deep sadness came over me as I was looking at the listings. I felt lonely and disconnected from myself. Have you ever felt that way when looking for a job? I imagine it’s different for a lot of folks – people who have a more specific professional direction in their 30s – like teachers, lawyers, marketing executives, etc. But for those of us who have more nebulous paths, it can be challenging. It’s like you have to have two careers and ‘selves’ at once. Your day-job-money-making self and your other, passionate self. Is there a way to authentically merge the two? Or do you simply have to compartmentalize your ‘day-job’ as one facet of your life?

This afternoon, someone reminded me that I am not my job. And I remembered this quote I once read:

“I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life.’” ~Maya Angelou

So, tomorrow, when I dive into more job-hunting, I will remember I am making a life, and that my job hunt is only one part of that.

The Happiness Boost in Your Mid-Thirties

June 15, 2015 By in Career, Family, Friendships Tags: , , , 3 Comments

This is complete conjecture on my part, but I have a feeling that when you enter your mid-thirties, you start to experience a subtle but profound happiness boost. Yes, maybe this is wishful thinking on my part (I’m 33), but my hunch is that it’s more than just wishful thinking. There must be more than just a biological reason that a woman’s sexual prime is in her mid-30s (in full disclosure: this long-held belief about women’s sexual prime has been debated. Some experts point it at 26, others at the early 30s).

My feeling is that as we gain confidence, security and happiness – our sexual energy levels are boosted. But what is it about the mid-thirties that gives us that happy boost? First, let’s define “mid-thirties.” From what I’ve read online, most folks define mid-thirties as between 33-37. During these four years, a lot of your hard work – be it in your career, relationships or self-growth, begins to pay off. You see the fruits of your labor.

I found this amazing blog post at MakeYourOwnDamnDinner.com that I loved! It’s called 10 Reasons Being In Your Mid-Thirties Is Fabulous. You’ve got it give it a read and hear what she has to say. My favorite reason the mid-thirties are fabulous is “The Cycle of Friendship.” She writes:

Number 8 – The Cycle of Friendship:
By 35 you’ve cycled through most of your major life milestones with your friends. Graduation, college, marriage, having kids, and maybe even a divorce. By now you know which friends are in it for the long haul and which friends are not. You realize you don’t need 294 friends…you only the core few who have stuck with you through thick and thin.

– Marie of MakeYourOwnDamnDinner.com

She also references a great quote by Wally Lamb, “Being in your mid-thirties brought benefits, I reminded myself. You begin to appreciate tidiness, smallness, things in their place. This is the shape your life has taken.”

I disagreed with one reason – that you may be done with having kids. But, as the author said herself, this reason may not be true for everyone. I imagine I’ll have kids around 36 (fingers crossed), so I won’t be done by then.

To add my own reasons to list:

  • You don’t spend as much time (if any!) with toxic people who bring you down.
  • You have a clearer sense of what makes you happy in life and you don’t spend time on things that don’t.
  • You have your own home and sense of family (even if it means a group of friends)

What would you add to the list?

Big Night at the UCLA Screenwriters Showcase

June 8, 2015 By in Career Tags: , , , 2 Comments

One of the best decisions I’ve made in my 30s so far has been deciding to go graduate school. A little under two years ago, I moved to Los Angeles to pursue screenwriting and television writing at UCLA. The decision to go to graduate school was more significant to me than simply getting a degree. It was  the moment at which I committed myself to being a writer and accepted the life of a working writer.

This Friday, I’ll graduate from the UCLA MFA Screenwriting program. But the more exciting night of the week was last night – our Screenwriters Showcase. We celebrated the student screenwriters achievements over the past year, honored winners of a industry judged competitIMG_0718ion and listened to a guest speaker. This year we were lucky enough to have Graham Moore, Academy Award writer of The Imitation Game (who is only 32, by the way!).

One thought that was echoed throughout last night’s speeches was the advice to focus on process rather than the prize. For us, as writers, that means throwing ourselves into the actual work of writing and to not focus on the money, awards, and recognition. But I think it’s applicable to almost any pursuit in life. You need to truly enjoy and gain value from the “work” of whatever it is your striving for, and not just become fixated on the end goal.

Here’s a picture from tonight’s festivities! As one of the winners, a poster was created for my film. And here’s me alongside the poster for Exposure Therapy.

Now, I’m not quite sure what’s next for me. It’s probably the first time in my life that I have an unplanned chunk of time ahead of me. Of course I’ll be writing, but I’ll also need to find some way to make money as I write. I’ll keep you posted on my journey!

Too Old for Graduate School?

May 21, 2015 By in Career Tags: , , Leave a comment

When I enrolled at UCLA in Fall 2013 at thirty-two years old, I wasn’t sure how old the majority of my peers would be. Would I be the ‘older one’ or a ‘younger one’? Turns out, I’m on the older side, as most of my classmates are in their 20s. But I’ve been assured that classes prior to mine (class of 2015) had an older median age.

I’ve had friends tell me, “I’m too old to go to graduate school now,” thinking their ship has sailed. But it’s not true – you’re never too old for graduate school. And, according to information collected from the 2000 National Postsecondary Student Aid Survey, the average graduate student is 33 years old. Not only that, but 20% of all graduate students are over the age of 40.

You may worry about the perceived ‘stigma’ of being an older graduate student. But in my mind, yes, you may stand out if you’re an older student but standing out is good. Really. People are curious about you and your background, and many times you’re perceived as being courageous for continuing to go after your goals. One of the most talented recent graduates in my program was a grandmother in her 60s, and she was awesome. She won tons of awards for her writing and one of her TV pilots was actually produced.

When you go to graduate school later in life, you have a better idea of where you’re aiming to go. You don’t get stuck in “academic inertia” as one college professors said when he warned me against applying to school too soon. You also appreciate the sweetness of graduate school life a lot more than would if you were only a few years out of college (That is, if you’re not simultaneously working a full-time job, which is a beast.)

Also, you can benefit form the Lifetime Learning Tax Credit, which in 2014-2015 was about $2,000 per year. However, there are income restrictions and only one member of married couple can benefit from this credit at a time. You can read more about it here.

Education, at any age, is never a waste.

Help! I’m 30 and Never Followed My Childhood Dream! – Part 2

May 16, 2015 By in Career Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Jane just wrote How Did You Find Your Career Path? and, in the article, she mentioned a lot of people that didn’t find their career, but instead had their career “find them.” There was the writing major friend of hers who ended up working in perfume, and the film school friend who went into advertising… And then she mentioned how people’s careers usually switch approximately 7 times in their life!

I have a friend who was a drama major who got a major role in a film that turned him off from acting. He went into teaching, loves it, and never looked back. My brother, another actor, was always big into video games and tech. He got a job during college in a video game store. He’s now a brilliant manager at that store and loves his job.

I’m finding lately that sometimes what you think you want to do isn’t actually what you want to do at all. It’s almost hard to admit here because it feels like giving up something…a part of who you are. In a post I wrote awhile ago, Help! I’m 30 and Never Followed My Childhood Dream, I remembered an episode of How I Met Your Mother. In that episode, the gang all realized that there were dream career paths from their childhood that they never followed but always held secret hopes that they one day would. Lily wanted to be a painter and someone wanted to be a rockstar…I can’t remember who. At the end of the episode they realize that they want to let those dreams go because they enjoy the paths they’re currently on even more.

It’s a hard lesson, and not always the case. Childhood career dreams sometimes become reality. Or they sometimes influence what you end up doing (all that drama school helps me see tradeshows as a kind of theater that I need to organize, occasionally direct, and always play my part in, haha). Also, childhood career dreams come in and out, sometimes reemerging as a fresh passion (Janna talks about going after her dancing and acting dreams again after stopping for awhile in Portrait of a Thirtysometing- Janna Davis.)

More than ever, I think that nowadays your career is something to create and evolve with…it isn’t a straight line but- to be corny- kind of a large garden, with seasons and fresh starts and different climates. Sometimes there’s sun and sometimes there’s snow. The soil remains the same (you), but can feel dried up or moistened (those times you realized your career path wasn’t working for you vs those moments of inspiration).

I’ve even heard before from friends that the best moments of their lives were after they got fired from their jobs. They were absolutely forced to start fresh in new jobs and situations they never would have turned to before.

That’s a scary situation and I would never wish for it. I love my job and my unforeseen career path, even though it was never my childhood dream. But I feel more and more that career paths can widen and change and twist into something far different, and maybe a lot better, than your childhood self ever could have dreamed up.

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How Did You Find Your Career Path?

May 15, 2015 By in Career Tags: , Leave a comment

Did you find your career or did your career find you? It’s an interesting question because I think more people than you would expect had their job “find them.”  In this economy, many of us take jobs because they are decent jobs that pay a fair wage in a field we’re mildly interested in. For instance, a lot of my film school friends ended up working in advertising, because of the abundance of jobs tangentially related to film. One friend ended up working at a commercial real estate company because she was a temp there after college and ended up loving it.  Another friend who was a writing major at my college ended up working at a perfume company and now she’s the director of product innovation for a major beauty brand.

While we may be working in a particular industry now, it doesn’t mean we will be there forever. The average American has 7 careers over the course of his/her lifetime, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

“The decisions you make about your work life are especially important, since most people spend more of their waking lives working than doing anything else. Your choices will affect, not only yourself and those closest to you, but in some way the whole world.”
—Laurence G. Boldt

How did you land in your current career? Do any of the below apply to your situation?

  • Lifelong childhood dream to work in a particular job
  • Personality test (Myers-Briggs) that indicated you fit a certain career path
  • Family connection to a company, job or industry
  • Strictly a monetary decision
  • A lifestyle decision

We’d love to know how you found yourself wherever you are now career-wise.

Email us at omgimthirty@gmail.com or reply below. We’ll be sharing some answers on the blog soon. Can’t wait to hear from you!

Thought Exercise: What Does “Making it” or “Success” Mean to You?

May 12, 2015 By in Career Tags: , Leave a comment

Today my friend texted me saying she was afraid she didn’t feel like she was “making it” in LA. She elaborated to say that she didn’t even know what it would mean to “make it.” When I thought about her text, I realized I feel similarly. What would “making it” truly mean to me?

I mean, I guess I do have a general idea. I’m pursuing screenwriting and TV writing and I think for me success would mean either A) a screenplay spec sale, B) A manager or agent or C) getting staffed on a TV show. But since the industry is so fickle and it’s seemingly easy to be a “one-hit wonder,” perhaps I should broaden my perspective on “making it.”

Also, all of my metrics for success are objective – as in, other people can easily identify them as markers of success. Should I also be looking deeper in subjective metrics – such as, “I constantly improve as a writer” or “fulfillment from my writing”? It’s probably healthy to have a mix of objective and subjective metrics for your success.

So, thought exercise for you. Put 3 minutes on your iPhone timer and really visualize what “making it” would mean for you, in whatever career you’re in. It might be helpful to put a timeline in there too.

A New Way to Look at ‘Time Management’

May 9, 2015 By in Career, Health and Wellness Tags: , 1 Comment

According to Wikipedia, Time Management is “The act or process of planning and exercising conscious control over the amount of time spent on specific activities, especially to increase effectiveness, efficiency or productivity.” But that seems too simple an explanation. It doesn’t seem to take into account when our emotional engagement and motivation is highest for certain projects.

A few months ago, I heard the term “energy management” and now, I greatly prefer this term when it comes to discussing productivity. Maybe this is because I’m an introvert, and I find that I have a limited amount of social energy reserves that I can expend each day. I also know that I have a few solid hours of great writing energy every day, and certain factors can drastically after that energy. For instance, if I schedule a hectic day of work, classes and socializing, even I get home at 6pm, it’s impossible for me to write at night, even though I technically have the “time.” I can’t do the writing effectively because my energy resources have been drained.

I do most of my best writing in the morning because that is when my energy/motivation leaks are at their peak (after coffee, of course). It’s also because I don’t have any pent up stimuli from the day weighing down on me. I come to the page (or the cursor rather) with a fresh mindset. Personally, I know that if I have a big project coming up, it’s best for me to chunk it out over several mornings.

This is a fascinating deep-dive article in the Harvard Business Review by Tony Schwartz and Catherine McCarthy about this subject that’s worth a read: Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time. I think this is one of the best pieces of advice in the article (do your most important work early in the day).

Another way to mobilize mental energy is to focus systematically on activities that have the most long-term leverage. Unless people intentionally schedule time for more challenging work, they tend not to get to it at all or rush through it at the last minute. Perhaps the most effective focus ritual the executives we work with have adopted is to identify each night the most important challenge for the next day and make it their very first priority when they arrive in the morning. Jean Luc Duquesne, a vice president for Sony Europe in Paris, used to answer his e-mail as soon as he got to the office, just as many people do. He now tries to concentrate the first hour of every day on the most important topic. He finds that he often emerges at 10 am feeling as if he’s already had a productive day.

How can we take better control of our energy? Well, we can start by identifying when our energy is at its’ peak and utilizing that time for our most important life goals. Also, we can be very cognizant of what activities/people drain us energetically and emotionally.

A great way to start is to make a list of times in your average week when you feel particularly low energy. What energy depleting activities do you have in your life? Are they unhealthy addictions, eating poorly, seeing ‘toxic’ people who drain your spirit?  What can you eliminate from your life?

“Having It All” – The Secret to Work/Life Balance

May 7, 2015 By in Career Tags: , Leave a comment

There was a big uproar this week after this New York Times article was published, How Some Men Fake An 80 Hour Workweek, and Why It Matters. It’s a fascinating look into how men and women with high-powered, demanding jobs manage to also make time for family and still get promotions and raises. The article cited a study at a top tier collar consulting firm that showed that many of the professionals claiming to work 80-90 hours a week weren’t actually working that much, and also highlighted that many of these “fakers” were men.

The article dives deeper and talks about how many of these high-powered women would ask for maternity leave or flexible schedules to spend more time with their children, BUT by asking for this time, they were ‘punished’ come their performance reviews. They often didn’t receive promotions or raises as readily as men/women who claimed to work the 80-90 hour weeks.

To me, the most fascinating part of the article is that if you don’t explicitly ask for a flexible schedule and simply keep up the appearance of working a ridiculous amount of hours, you are rewarded. The author, Neil Irwin, explains the difference between those who ask for more flexibility at work and those who don’t:

A second finding is that women, particularly those with young children, were much more likely to request greater flexibility through more formal means, such as returning from maternity leave with an explicitly reduced schedule. Men who requested a paternity leave seemed to be punished come review time, and so may have felt more need to take time to spend with their families through those unofficial methods.

The result of this is easy to see: Those specifically requesting a lighter workload, who were disproportionately women, suffered in their performance reviews; those who took a lighter workload more discreetly didn’t suffer. The maxim of “ask forgiveness, not permission” seemed to apply.

Basically, the key takeaway is that you shouldn’t call attention to yourself if you’re going to ask for time off or a flexible schedule. Having worked at a few major corporations myself, I definitely believe there’s a lot of truth to this. Unwavering devotion to your job and the perception that you put your job above all else in your life seems to go a long way towards making you successful.

What do you think? Would you rather ask your boss for a flexible schedule/lighter work load or “keep up appearances” of maintaining your same pace/productivity?

Portrait of a Thirtysomething – Jamie Wiley

May 5, 2015 By in Career, Health and Wellness Tags: , 5 Comments

We’re thrilled to bring you the third interview in our series, “Portrait of a Thirtysomething.” This time we were lucky enough to get the fabulous Jamie Wiley, of the blog Sincerely, Miss Design, to agree to be interviewed. Jamie’s got an inspiring story that reminds us that you can change the course of your life at any point and that’s it’s never too late for a new path. I also loved what she had to say about toxic relationships…Read on!

Name/Age/Location:  Jamie Wiley, 32, Allentown Pennsylvania

Occupation:  Real Estate Appraisal Coordinator (aka Glorified Secretary) and full time Graphic Design student

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What’s the accomplishment you’re most proud of in your 30s so far?

By the time I was 31 I came to the realization that the things I wanted career wise were not just going to fall into my lap. When I graduated college 13 years ago I took a job that I had just planned to work at for a short time to get my bearings and go back to college in a year or two. I just kept pushing returning to school off and there I was 13 years later still working at the same job feeling stagnant. Finally I took control of my life and enrolled in college full time. It’s been incredibly difficult juggling both a career and school work, but so far I’ve been able to maintain a 4.0.

What do you NOT miss about your 20s?

I do not miss the insecurities and uncertainties of that time in my life. Even though you are physically “grown up” in your 20’s, it takes a little while longer for you to mentally catch up. During my 20’s I was still learning what being an adult actually meant. Rather than budgeting my money out between pay weeks I’d spend my whole check the same day I got it. I was so strapped for cash that I’d hunt down every loose coin to take to the Coin-star machine to get cash. Of course the irresponsible spending lead to massive credit card debt that took years to bail myself out of.

Looking back, what shouldn’t you haven’t been afraid of in your 20s?

I should not have been afraid to let go of toxic relationships. I always felt obligated to maintain relationships with family members and friends regardless of the fact that they were dragging me down. I’ve learned that sometimes it is better to part ways with people to maintain your own sanity.

I also should not have been so afraid to stand up for myself and my beliefs. I have always been a passive aggressive people pleaser which basically made me a doormat.

Any surprises about what your 30s are like?

Yes, a few things. As I get older I gain more self confidence and acceptance of myself as I am. I no longer take to heart negative things people may say or think of me. In turn I’ve learned to be less judgmental of others.

What do you find most challenging about this decade?

In your 30’s you have more of a sense of what direction your life is going to go in. So, I think that at this point everyone’s lives branch off into different directions. Friends move, change careers, start families, etc. All of our priorities suddenly change and it takes a great deal of effort to stay in contact with one another.

Also, learning to listen to my body. I can no longer live on junk food and soda. If I do not eat proper meals or drink enough water I feel terrible. I’ve made it a habit to stretch and foam roll every night before bed to maintain flexibility.

What are you most looking forward to? Be it tonight, next month or ten years from now!

I’m looking forward to graduating from college and any great opportunities the future holds for me!

Thanks so much, Jamie! We loved reading your interview. 

Check out her website, Sincerely, Miss Design for more about Jamie.

Baby, Career or Both?

April 22, 2015 By in Career, Relationships Tags: , , 4 Comments

The “Ask Polly” column on NY Mag.com is one of my (and Laura’s) favorite places to find advice. The writer behind the beautiful, insightful words of “Ask Polly” is Heather Havrilesky. She writes truthfully and warmly and she reminds me a bit of Cheryl Strayed (Author of Tiny, Beautiful Things and Wild). The most recent “Ask Polly” column was especially resonant for me as a 33 year old woman in a relationship who feels behind in her career yet also feels the pressure to have children in the next few years.

The letter (email?) writer was stuck in a dilemma. She wants children but she also wants a fulfilling career (and the job she’s in is not satisfying, so she wants to start over and find a job that satisfies her). She feels it impossible to do both. I can relate! I desperately want to find success as a screenwriter (or some semblance of success) before I have kids. But time keeps ticking away and  while my writing is getting better, the paychecks and job offers aren’t rolling in.

Heather ‘s (Polly’s!) advice was beautiful, per always. She advocated for the life of “All.” The life of everything even though it will be damn challenging.

This was my favorite part of her reply:

Bottom line: I was so fearful. But throwing my energy into both my kids and my career turned out so much better than I ever thought it could. And I became much more focused and ambitious after I had kids. I valued my time more. I used my time more wisely. All of the time I used to spend questioning myself and worrying about the big picture is now spent doing dishes and folding little dresses. A lot of the working mothers I know feel the same way.

…Imagine a full life and be true to that vision. Defend it. And put fear aside. You have one person with a steady job in the house. Don’t panic.

You can have it all. You may have to adjust the particulars of “IT” but trust me, “ALL” is what you want. It’s exhausting and it’s a balancing act and it’s way too much for anyone to handle, ever. That’s also what’s so gratifying about it.

This was a refreshing advice column to read, because I think it addresses the “perfectionist” trap we can get into as women. That we must excel in our careers and excel as mothers and homemakers living from Instagram worthy moment to Instagram worthy moment. So we end up feeling the need to choose one or the other.

But it seems the best option is this: if you want it all, you should aim for it all,  and not pre-emptively  cut yourself off from options. And yes, your life of “ALL” will probably be imperfect and messy.

A Base Salary of $70,000 a Year for Every Employee?

April 14, 2015 By in Career, Money Tags: , 1 Comment

Have you heard about how Gravity Payments, a start-up company based in Seattle, is implementing a plan to give every employee a base salary of at least $70,000 a year? I just read about it today in this article, One Company’s New Minimum Wage: $70,000 a Year, and it made my heart do a little dance of joy. It’s a pretty incredible leap from the “Fight for 15” movement which is pushing for minimum wage bumps to $15 an hour at fast food companies.

Citing happiness research as his impetus for this new salary minimum, Dan Price, CEO of Gravity Payments, said that the idea came to him after reading a study that said that for people who make less than $70,000 a year, extra money makes a huge difference in their lives.

Patricia Cohen, the author of the article, succinctly states the research here:

“The happiness research behind Mr. Price’s announcement on Monday came from Angus Deaton and Daniel Kahneman, a Nobel Prize-winning psychologist. They found that what they called emotional well-being — defined as “the emotional quality of an individual’s everyday experience, the frequency and intensity of experiences of joy, stress, sadness, anger, and affection that make one’s life pleasant or unpleasant” — rises with income, but only to a point. And that point turns out to be about $75,000 a year.”

So I guess we should all aim to make at least $75,000 a year? Easier said than done, I know. Because, if you’re like me, in a less traditional, perhaps more artistic or non-profit type job, that’s not all too easy to attain. And sometimes, if a job offer that pays that much comes your way, you may have to choose between salary or higher personal satisfaction? For me, I’ve often chosen the latter – which is why…true money confession…I’ve never made $70,000 a year. Not yet, at least. When I do make that amount, it will nice to not stress about going out to nice dinners with friends, or being able to buy nice gifts for people, or treating myself to something randomly without thinking too much about the financial consequences. Since my tastes are pretty minimal, I think I could do that on a salary of $70,000 a year.

Currently, the average salary of an employee at Gravity Payments is $48,000. So that’s a pretty sweet bump for those employees whose salaries are in the average range. One of the other reasons Dan Price instituted this change was because he felt the discrepancy between CEO/top leadership pay and regular employees salaries was absurd.

I hope the company continues to stay profitable and that the employees end up being more invested and productive in their jobs, so that perhaps one day this can be a model for other companies.

Portrait of a Thirtysomething- Kari Bentley-Quinn

April 7, 2015 By in Career, Friendships, Grab Bag Tags: , , , , , , , , , , 1 Comment

We’re so happy to have Kari Bentley-Quinn as our next featured guest in our new Portrait of a Thirtysomething series! Portrait of a Thirtysomething asks our invited guests (in their 30s) questions about their lives and what this decade means to them.

Kari Bentley Quinn is an absolutely amazing playwright and we co-founded the theater company, Mission to (dit)Mars together along with two other wonderful cofounders. Kari and I met a few years ago through another theater group, Packawallop Productions, and have been friends ever since! Jane and I are thrilled to have her here!

Enjoy her beautiful interview below, and be sure to check out her website and say hi!  http://www.karibentleyquinn.com/

Kari Bentley Quinn

“The challenge is “how do I live as happy and fulfilled a life as possible?” At the end of the day, the person I most have to answer to is myself. I can’t live for anyone else – my husband, my family, my friends – I have to be a whole person. And I think that’s hard sometimes, but it becomes more necessary.”

Name/Age/Location:
 
Kari Bentley-Quinn/ 33/ Astoria/Woodside border, in the amazing borough of Queens (Woodstoria?)
 
Occupation: 
Playwright/Executive Assistant (proud hybrid for ten years strong!)
 
What’s the accomplishment you’re most proud of in your 30s so far? 
It has to be the fact that I went back to grad school after nearly ten years out of undergrad. I am getting my MFA in Playwriting from Hunter College, and I graduate in May, which I can hardly believe. It was an absolutely terrifying thing to do, but I did it! Well, almost. Still have a few things left to do. But I am 90% of the way there. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done – mentally, physically, emotionally, creatively. I did it while working a full time job. I don’t know if I would have been able to do this in my 20s when I was less sure of myself. I also got an agent last year, so that was really nice. And I’ve had two productions!
What do you NOT miss about your 20s? 
I think just the crushing uncertainty and working so hard to have people take you seriously. The 20s are the time you’re supposed to be making a lot of mistakes, but is also the time when you become a full blown adult. Trying to reconcile the fact that you’re still young and inexperienced with making good enough decisions that your future won’t be a wreck is tough. There were a lot of wonderful things about my 20s. But there were a lot of scary and bad things, too. I would say that my early 20s were actually quite awful. My mid to late 20s, less so.
 
Looking back, what shouldn’t you haven’t been afraid of in your 20s? 
Being a failure. Not making everyone happy. Money stuff. What people thought of me. Being fat. Not working hard enough. Getting older in general. What my future was going to be like. I spent a lot of my 20s freaking out about stuff that 1. was impossible to know the end result of and 2. didn’t matter one bit. I am a huge Type A perfectionist and I think it held me back more than it moved me forward!
Any surprises about what your 30s are like? 
Yes – which is that I kind of love being in my 30s! I feel much more confident and assured in professional situations. I think I’m a way better writer and just more capable in basically every aspect of my life. I have a strong marriage and absolutely amazing friends. I also like that its totally okay to stay home on Friday night when you’re in your thirties. I have learned to value my downtime, to fiercely protect it, and to say no. Learning to say no has been super important.
 
What do you find most challenging about this decade? 
While in some ways I am much better than my 20s, I find that I have less stamina and way less bullshit tolerance. I also found a WHITE hair on my head (thanks grad school!), and while I don’t like to think of myself as a vain person, seeing the fine lines start to appear is a little humbling. I also think its tough for women to age. Youth and attractiveness are so overemphasized for young women, and as much as we all like to think we’re above it, the messaging we have received is really damaging. I really hope that we stop that in future generations.
I also am just more aware of my mortality in general. I don’t know if that’s bad – but the challenge is “how do I live as happy and fulfilled a life as possible?” At the end of the day, the person I most have to answer to is myself. I can’t live for anyone else – my husband, my family, my friends – I have to be a whole person. And I think that’s hard sometimes, but it becomes more necessary.
 
What are you most looking forward to? Be it tonight, next month or ten years from now.
 
More travel, more love, more laughter, more time off, less giving of fucks about dumb stuff. I think I’ve made good choices. At least I hope I have!
 
What would you like to hear more about regarding the thirties. What articles would you like to read?
 
I’d love to read more about the challenges women face professionally as they get older. I think these struggles change and continue as we age and as our lives change.

New Feature: Portrait of a Thirtysomething

March 27, 2015 By in Career, Friendships Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

We’re thrilled to announce that today we’re launching a new weekly interview series: Portrait of a Thirtysomething. We will ask our invited guest (who will be in her/his 30s, obviously!) questions about their life and what the decade means to them.

Our first interview is Eljon Wardally, an incredible playwright/screenwriter, who is good friends with both Laura and I. We all met at youth theater company, Downtown Art, while we were in high school. Over the years, we’ve all collaborated on projects together. Eljon’s got one of the sunniest and brightest outlooks of life of anyone I know, is an incredible artistic talent and an amazing friend to boot.

EljonWardallyHeadshot (1)

Photo courtesy of Champion Eye Media

 

Name/Age/Location:
Eljon Wardally/on the cusp of 34/New York

Occupation:
Playwright/Screenwriter

What’s the accomplishment you’re most proud of in your 30s so far?
I’m most proud of my MFA in Playwriting from Fordham University/Primary Stages! Not only did I go back to school after being out for 10 years, I am part of the Inaugural Playwriting class for this type of MFA. You only get to make that kind of history once!

What do you NOT miss about your 20s?
I don’t miss the people I left behind in that decade.

Looking back, what shouldn’t you haven’t been afraid of in your 20s?
I shouldn’t have been so concerned about where I was going to end up. I think that being in my 30s has grounded me in a big way. I’ve learned to just be kinder to myself. I’m a big believer in everything happens for a reason. Stress only gives us wrinkles. Don’t be afraid, be still and listen. I promise, it will work out.

Any surprises about what your 30s are like?
I have to say that there are no surprises. Is that bad? Everything just feels more comfortable. My skin feels more lived in and I feel like I know myself better.

What do you find most challenging about this decade?
When you’re in your 30s, people expect you to be married with kids or with one on the way. It’s challenging to feel like you have to justify why you may not be at this stage of your life in your 30s. In a way, this generation is at a crossroads. Things are changing and what was conventional isn’t anymore. More people are focused on their careers and other aspects of their lives and getting married later and having children later. There’s nothing wrong with this but it’s hard to constantly hear about grandkids from the elders!

What are you most looking forward to? Be it tonight, next month or ten years from now!
Tonight I’m looking forward to curling up with my dog and a cup of tea.
Next month I’m looking forward to having a new draft of a play I’m working on.
Ten years from now I’m looking forward to being happy and healthy.

Thanks so much, Eljon! Here’s a link to Eljon’s award-winning web series Docket.  And here’s her personal website, say hi!

It’s Never Too Late to Be A Success

March 19, 2015 By in Career Tags: , , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I’ve talked about this before, but being in graduate school and being constantly surrounded by hungry, eager 18-21 year olds has a funny way of making you feel inadequate if you’re a 30-something. Sometimes I’ll be sitting having lunch, surrounded by undergraduates, and I’ll feel so far from anything like success. This kind of thinking leads me into a tailspin where I start doubting my career choice, and wondering if it’s time to pursue something else. However, I recently realized that I spend a whole lot of time thinking about a dilemma” and not actually doing anything about it. Being a cerebral person, I often assume I can think my way to an answer. But as we learn in screenwriting 101, thinking is not an action. We would never pay money to watch a person ‘thinking’ on screen.

So I’ve been trying to implement not thinking so much about my career, and just trying to get moving. Have you heard the expression, “You can’t steer a parked car”? Well, there’s a lot of truth to that. If you feel lost, discouraged, or behind in your life or career, just take one single action in the direction you may want to go. And you’re bound to make some mistakes, but that’s part of the process.

And, never, ever believe it’s too late…There are so many people who achieved great success later in life. Here are some famous examples.

  • Rodney Dangerfield didn’t succeed in comedy until his 40s. Before that, he sold aluminum siding!
  • Ray Kroc was a milkshake salesman into his 50s until he founded McDonald’s at 52.
  • Raymond Chandler, wrote his first novel at 52!
  • Tim Zagat quit his job as a lawyer in order to create his namesake book of restaurant reviews when he was 51.
  • Toni Morrison didn’t start writing until her mid-30s and her first novel was published when she was 39.

So, don’t ever let the notion of time get you down. Just shift your car out of parked and start driving.