How Do You Celebrate Halloween in Your Thirties?

I don’t really celebrate Halloween much. When I was a kid I liked it a lot- I think it was my favorite holiday, mainly because it was cool. I liked the idea of dark things- they seemed risky and more fun. But I think I stopped celebrating Halloween as I got older because it seemed like a hassle- and too expensive to get things together for a costume.

So this morning I didn’t really think about Halloween much- I didn’t have any parties to go to and I  hadn’t dressed up all weekend. So I felt like I couldn’t claim this holiday as “mine” and in fact, forgot about it to such an extent that I was surprised by some “Happy Halloween!!!” texts this morning.

But then I went for a run. And all throughout my little Queens neighborhood, celebratory decorations were around.

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There was a witch that welcomed werewolves and a werewolf that was waiting for waxing.

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A couple that got old together. Very old.

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Not creepy at all.

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Some creatures were more friendly looking.

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Others made me want to stay far away, lest I get trapped.

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Some you could “like” on Facebook. Do it! I dare you.

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Some couldn’t wait to massage your aching bones…

  1. img_4754img_4747And then there were movie references. And much more.

As I stopped to take photos, proud house decorators waved at me. I watched trick or treaters go by. I laughed and felt connected and proud of my neighborhood for putting on such a good show. Halloween had become mine again, if just for a day.

Happy Halloween!!

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Will Male Birth Control Become a Thing In Your Thirties?

Let’s face it- the thirties are a time when we think about babies. If you haven’t had babies yet and want some, you might be thinking, ‘hmm, how old is too old to have babies?’ or ‘when can we get started?’ or ‘when will I find someone to get started with me?’ If you don’t want babies, you may be thinking, ‘wow, all my friends are having babies- how do I hide everyone I know on Facebook?’ or ‘what would happen if I accidentally had a baby? Would it ruin me financially?’ or ‘what’s the best way to stop from ever possibly having a baby? (Besides abstinence, duh).’

Whether you’re female or male, and whether you want kids or not, babies seem to pop up all around you during your thirties. I bet you have at least one friend who recently had a baby and at least 5 Facebook friends who are posting pictures of their little ones right now (I probably have at least 30 proud new parent Facebook friends…and no, I don’t mind. If any of you are reading this, I like it, seriously, post away).

If you’re female and don’t want to have kids- at least at the moment, there are many types of birth control options, including a pill that you annoyingly have to remember to take at the same time every day. This pill, a popular form of birth control, puts the responsibility of avoiding pregnancy squarely on the woman. The same can be said of BC options such as IUDs and Nuvarings, and patches and the like. But soon there might be another option.

I was reading an article just yesterday about a male birth control study done with human males (as opposed to mice males in the past), that used a new form of male birth control in the form of an injection. The injection was given to the males at set 8 week intervals for a certain amount of time, and after a few months, couples relied solely on the injections for birth control. The subjects were followed for about a year, and in that time about 2 in 100 women got pregnant. With regular, correct and careful use of condoms, about 3-5 out of 100 women will get pregnant, so the male birth control injections in this study have proven to be more effective birth control than condoms.

The problems the researchers are still dealing with are the side effects of the injections- some males complained of acne and mild depression…although female birth control methods like the pill can also have side effects- including crazy mood swings and weight gain- and those are out on the market anyway! 75% of the males in the study said they’d continue to use the method despite the side effects, so that’s promising, at least. And it’s nice to know the guys are into it.

As of now, there are bound to be many more studies before this form of male birth control will actually be out and useable. So maybe we won’t all still be in our thirties by then. But technology moves fast and I’m optimistic- so who knows?

If you’re a male reading this, would you take male birth control? Why or why not? If you’re female, do you feel like the burden of birth control rests too squarely on the woman? Or are you perfectly happy to be in charge of birth control?

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How Do I Get Renters Insurance For My Apartment in my Thirties?

Today I stared at a to do list item that has been on my list for many years, but has never before been checked off. That item is: Get Renters Insurance. And believe it or not, you guys, after all these years, I am now the proud owner of a year-long renters insurance policy!

Here’s why this achievement is important to me: this is the first time I’ve had a full apartment to call my own. I now live in a studio in queens. It’s nothing fancy, but I’m super happy with it and I love it very much. If something were to happen to it such as a fire or burglary, I’d be extremely upset. But I’d be even more upset if I then went into crazy bankrupting debt re-buying all my possessions, such as my bed and my couch and my desk and my computer and my clothing. I have more stuff than I think I have- a lesson I always learn again each time I move.

Getting renters insurance was both easier and harder than I thought. The hard part was that I had no idea where to start. I didn’t have a clue what company to go with, or even what companies were out there. I had no idea how much I should be paying per month nor how much I should be insured for nor what my deductible should be.

So I did what I always do when I’m not sure which direction to go: I googled. At first I just googled ‘get renters insurance’ but I just came up with a list of insurance companies touting how great they are, so I moved on to adding my favorite (mostly financial) bloggers to the keywords to see if they had any articles on the best of renters insurance, such as ‘best renters insurance ramit sethi’ or best renters insurance paula pant.’ Finally I tried ‘best renters insurance NYC’ and that brought up some good articles from websites I knew such as The Simple Dollar and Nerdwallet.

From these articles I got an idea of how much renters insurance should cost a month – IT’S USUALLY ONLY $12-$15 DOLLARS A MONTH! Not bad at all 

I also got an idea of about how much I should be insured for – around $25,000. That may sound high, but when you tally everything you own (bed, couch, desk, dresser, other furniture, tv, kitchen items, clothing, electronics, etc) plus possible cost of moving (yep, there’s all types of insurance and some even cover temporary stays if something happens to your permanent home), $25,000 is the recommended amount on average.

Then I got an idea of how high my deducible should be to keep my premiums low- the recommended amount is $500-$1000. I picked $1000.

Then I found a few websites that listed the best companies of 2016 for renters insurance- they all recommended different ones, but I looked up the companies that kept repeating on various websites: Allstate, State Farm, and Nationwide. I also checked Gotham Brokerage, specific to NYC.

Then I went to all four of those companies’ websites, and got quotes from all of them. I ultimately picked State Farm, which gives me the most coverage with the lowest premium, and I paid for it then and there- a grand total of $11 a month for $25,000 worth of coverage. This is not an advertisement for state farm though, or any of the above companies- I think rates and coverage are different for everybody.

But a major item on my to do list that has hung over my head for years was accomplished in about 40 minutes, including all the research and quotes and payment. Now imagine if I’d put renters insurance off longer and something had happened? I would’ve been pretty angry at myself.

So if you’re putting off getting renters insurance, I’d highly recommend going for it! It won’t take long and it’s cheap and will put your mind at ease. Here are some sites to get you started:

http://www.reviews.com/homeowners-insurance/renters/

http://www.thesimpledollar.com/best-renters-insurance/

https://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/insurance/find-best-renters-insurance/

http://www.toptenreviews.com/services/insurance/best-renters-insurance/

https://www.creditsesame.com/blog/insurance/best-renters-insurance/

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How do I Overcome Writer’s Block?

I was just listening to an amazing interview with the incredible Seth Godin on Marie Forleo’s Marie TV show on her website. Seth Godin is one of my absolute favorite bloggers for a very particular reason: he blogs every day and even when his blogs are one sentence long he almost always has something thought-provoking to say.

Hearing Seth talk in this interview was quite amazing, as he went more in depth on his philosophies on life and blogging than I’d heard before- or maybe I’d seen him write these things before, but it always helps me to hear brilliant people share insights once again, especially in a different format.

One of the things Seth said that stuck out at me was his solution to writer’s block. Marie asked him how he blogs every day without running out of topics and thoughts to write about and he said that he writes how he talks, and that works because no one ever gets talkers block.

Interesting! I guess it’s true that -unless you’re feeling social phobia when you’re talking in public- you don’t really get talkers block. If you were talking to your best friend, you probably wouldn’t get talker’s block. I definitely love the way writers sound when they write the way they talk- there’s an honesty and a rawness to that kind of writing that makers me feel closer to the author.

Here’s a link to the absolutely brilliant interview, filled with many words of wisdom including Seth’s advice about how finding your ‘true calling’ is ultimately bullshit, and how you shouldn’t wait around. I’m actually going to listen to the interview again tomorrow and take notes.

Hope you enjoy!

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Some Awesome New Finance Experts I’ve Been Following

After Suze Orman ended her amazing finance show (which I always listened to as a podcast) about a year and a half ago, I realized that almost everything I knew about finance I’d learned from Suze Orman. And I didn’t know what to do without her.

I still had Dave Ramsey’s podcast, which always amused and humbled me (he sometimes speaks to really down and out (aka completely broke) people who call in…and he always has pretty sound advice, even when I don’t consistently completely agree with him (he can get very religious). However, one of his best quotes is “you can’t fix stupid,” which I absolutely agree with). Another podcast I listened to was (and is) NPR’s Planet Money– which is a great podcast about money topics- but is more an exploration of economics in our lives than a ‘money advice’ show the way Suze Orman’s was.

In the past few months I’ve discovered some cool new finance advice podcasts (as well as bloggers…many of the podcasts are from bloggers that have decided to start podcasts). Nothing replaces Suze Orman, who had a distinct voice, but a lot of these are very good. If anyone wants some good and relatable finance podcasts and blogs for complete novices, here are some awesome recommendations:

http://www.budgetsaresexy.com –  J.Money’s refreshingly honest and totally down to earth financial blog. I’ve never read a finance blog that’s as open and genuine- J. Money tracks every dollars he has and he will give you exact numbers including his net worth, his retirement savings, his mortgage paid, and much more. He writes articles with titles like ‘What I’d Like to Teach My Dumb-Ass Tenants About Money.’ This blog is fantastic for anyone who doesn’t come from a finance background and just wants to understand all the basics a more, from someone who’s ‘just like you.’

http://affordanything.com/  – The Afford Anything podcast (which used to be called the Money Podcast) got me turned on to budgetsaresexy.com because J.Money (of budgetsaresexy) used to be the co-podcaster. However, he has since left the podcast, and his co-podcaster Paula Pant has renamed the show after her website: affordanything.com. Both the podcast and the website are really inspiring and useful – Paula Pant is in her early thirties and is completely financially independent and never really has to work again. She still works, though, and explains why in both her podcast and on the blog. Listen to the podcast from the beginning to listen to her and J.Money co-host together. They’re a great pair. Paula talks a lot about real estate and has made her fortune from it, so if that interests you, this is an extra good one (but it’s a good podcast even if you’re not into real estate- I’m not.)

Optimal Finance Daily – This is a cool podcast because each episode is a part of a different well known finance blogger’s blog- read aloud by the podcaster Dan Warren. It’s a great way to get familiar with lots of different finance bloggers – plus each episode is only around 8 minutes- so super easy to listen to!

So Money with Farnoosh Torabi – Farnoosh’s podcast is superbly edited and makes the listener feel taken care of (the way Suze Orman’s show always was). Farnoosh’s podcast is great to listen to because she’s a money expert interviewing other money experts! Super clear financial advice, and a very inspiring show as well.

Hope you enjoy some of these. As always, let me know what you think!

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How to Make Money On the Side in Your Thirties

I’m working at a tradeshow right now while writing this blog post- don’t tell my manager. Actually, you can go right ahead and tell my manager, because I’m writing this on a break.

Sometimes I work on side projects while I’m on a break from another job. I’ve spent many a lunch break reading scripts for my theater company, Mission to (dit)Mars. I’ve finished invoices as well as sent out receipts on my break. And I’ve definitely blogged whenever I can grab a free minute- including on the subways of Japan during my vacation. Because blogging is fun- not work.  But this summer and last summer I spent a lot of time working on a side project from my computer that was fun and made me some money…and I was worried about not having enough time to continue working on it during my usual business travel during the fall and winter. Last year I got sidelined and didn’t work on much of anything extra. I was quite disappointed in myself.

However, this year I’m way more determined to work on side projects whenever I get a free moment. It’s funny that the second I start really getting into working on side projects during any free time I have (even during a full ‘real job’ schedule), I start to see other people doing the same thing. A coworker I’m working with at this show has a real estate business on the side where she buys, manages, and rents out property- and she’s sitting a couple of seats away from me working on that. Another coworker of mine manages liquor sales and is scheduling tastings and demos during her break. I work with someone else who doesn’t go out with us for dinner most days after shows – she’s instead returning emails and scheduling events for her event management job… which she has on the side.

It seems to me that the hardest thing about making money from a side job is having the discipline to give up some of your free time. I hate turning down social time with my coworkers when I’m on the road, because they’re nice respites from work hours. But sometimes the only way to get anything going on the side is to say no to invitations to go out after work. And if I manage my time well enough, I’ll still have time to be social with my colleagues for a few nights. It just takes determination and planning. But I’m inspired by other people I know who are able to turn down social events and get the work done on the projects that really matter to them. These types of people are quietly getting amazing things done all around you while working at a ‘real job’- in fact, maybe you’re one of them.

If you want more information about starting a side business, I love Ramit Sethi’s material on making a business out of something you’re already good at. Once you have a side business started -even a tiny bit of one- it’s all time management from there.

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The Hush-hush 30’s Decade- Why Are the 30’s Not Really Talked About?

When Jane and I started this blog, we were excited to connect with a community of 30’s bloggers. We thought we’d be able to get tons of advice about the 30’s decade, and find tons of research on the 30’s had already been done for us. However, 30-somethings truly have to search for this kind of community, because it doesn’t really exist in any kind of cohesive way. The 30’s decade seems to kind of be a hush-hush decade.

There are lots of opinions about why the 30’s are the least talked about decade, but none of them satisfy me. I was reading an article the other day called The 30-Something Female Experience- What Is It Really? and the author asked a lot of women (well, her friends) why they thought the 30’s weren’t talked about as much as the 20’s or 40’s and most of the friends’ answers went something like “the 30’s are a boring decade,” “the 30’s are the middle child decade between the cool 20’s and the amazing 40’s.”

“The 30s get the shaft by society because it is the middle child. The 20s are a time to experiment and experience, by your 40s you have it dialed in, but your 30s is that awkward adolescence of figuring out how to get your family and yourself out the door in the morning, kick ass at work, have a healthy dinner on the table that evening, connect with your partner but not skip story time for the kids and still find time to get in a run to recover your pre-baby body or maintain a healthy figure. It’s not pretty as you’re trying to figure this out.”

My theory on the dearth of 30’s information kind of comes down to: the 30’s aren’t a sexy decade in the eyes of society. I mean, I feel more empowered than ever (mainly because I feel like I know myself better than ever), and feel extremely sexy in my own body (though I felt sexy in my 20’s too, but in a different and more unhealthy way), but there’s no marketing buzz around the 30’s that catches the media eye… we are in a lost decade. The empowerment decade (complete even with it’s own magazine- More Magazine) seems to be the 40’s (thank god- I’m happy that the 40’s are empowered, don’t get me wrong), and the crazy, wild decade is known to be the 20’s. So the 30’s decade is the….?

I think the 30’s decade is the growth decade. So much happens here in our 30’s. So much is put together in our 30’s. But perhaps growth isn’t sexy- especially not in our mainstream society. Hint: 30’s growth definitely isn’t sexy to the media. What can we do to change that? Do we need to change the perception of the 30’s?

 

Knowing the Difference Between Labor Day, Veterans Day and Memorial Day by Your Thirties

Hope your having a great Labor Day weekend! This is a post I wrote last Labor Day, but it’s still timely today. Relax and enjoy and learn about the holiday!

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Happy Labor Day! Today’s post is a repost from this past Memorial Day, but I thought it was timely. Hope you had some good barbecue and are enjoying every last bit of the summer!

Last year on Labor Day, a friend of mine was wondering whether or not to thank the military. (Short answer- sure, thank the military- but not because of Labor Day. Labor day has nothing to do with the military- it’s about American workers.)

Last Memorial Day, I overheard someone asking the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans Day. This was not a child asking- it was someone in their fifties

So in case you’re not sure of the differences between the holidays, but are too embarrassed to ask, lets clear up the confusion right now, anonymously 😉

Memorial Day: Memorial Day is for honoring and remembering military personnel who died serving their country, particularly those who died in battle…

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New Online Dating Apps In Your Thirties

I previously wrote all about online dating apps (and online dating sites) in the post Online Dating In Your Thirties. In this post, I detailed the only four dating apps and dating sites that I’ve been -ahem- intimately familiar with (aka the ones I have used in the past). These include OKCupid (more of a website than an app but also an app), Tinder (ugh), Hinge (probably one of my personal favorites), and Bumble (which I never really used much because I learned about it last, but most people love this one right now).

Anyway, I’m not using any of these apps or sites anymore because I’m in a relationship! (OMG! But I’m going to leave you hanging there…that’s for another post 😉 All I’ll say is that I’m very happy!). So, because of my experiences with online dating when I was single for almost 2 years, I highly recommend dating online to my friends and many of my coworkers (haha, yep, my coworkers and I are very close). A lot of my friends are scared or averse to online dating, but I am a huge proponent of it for a few major reasons:

  1. It seriously opens up the dating pool (the sheer number of people you can meet online is amazing- and you really will meet people you would likely have never have met “in real life” – even if they were close by.
  2. When you meet up for coffee or a drink or dinner with someone who you discovered on an online dating site or app, it’s actually a date. (There’s no ‘is it or isn’t it?’ It’s a date…you met on a dating site. )
  3. It’s easier for busy or more solitary people to find dates. (If you work from home or you travel a ton for work but want to meet people in your home city, online dating helps. If you work with the same 10 people, and don’t usually talk to strangers on the street or in coffee shops, online dating helps. Again, online dating just ups your probability of meeting single people looking to actually date.)

The other day I was trying to help my recently single coworker find a good dating site or app to use, and we realized that there were a lot of new online dating apps out there (or at least ones I hadn’t heard of or wasn’t that familiar with). I recommended the usual Hinge, OkCupid, Bumble, and I steered her away from Tinder. But she opened up the app store and searched ‘online dating’ apps, and found some random new ones that seemed good/interesting to her. They included:

Clover (clover.co) – Described by Metro News as “Clover takes the simplicity of Tinder and combines it with Match.com!” And described by Clover as Clover= Tinder+Match+Okcupid+Zoosk+PoF and so much more.

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Zoosk (zoosk.com)– Apparently “Zoosk was named the best dating app of 2016” by Wallethub. And according to App Annie and Techcrunch, Zoosk is the #1 iOS app in all time revenue. At least that’s what it says in their app store description.

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Happn (happn.com)– I’d actually heard of Happn, but I heard about it very late…even after Bumble. I never used it, but it’s unique… Happn describes itself: “Every time you cross paths with someone in real life, their profile shows up on your timeline. You’ll be able to see the number of times you’ve crossed paths with someone, as well as the time and place of your last encounter.” Interesting…maybe a little much, but interesting. Kinda like Craigslist Missed Connections…but with much more likelihood you’ll actually connect.

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Anyway, those are the new apps I’ve heard discussed recently. Have any of you had experience with them? What are your thoughts? Any singles reading this should pick one and give it a try and get back to us. 😉 Remember to set your goal as ‘I want to meet some new people and have fun’ and not ‘I want to meet my soulmate.’ I think things will be a lot easier that way, and then you’ll always win because you’ll always be meeting new people. As I said before in a previous post, with that mindset dating is NEVER a zero sum game.

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The Connection Between Scary Movies and Credit Cards

Let me just start by saying that I actually really like credit cards and that they don’t scare me. But horror movies do- and even scary, or semi-scary, TV shows can keep me up at night. Hell, just a trailer for a scary movie makes me immediately plug my ears and avert my eyes.

People may laugh at me when I scream in fear during the first episode of Stranger Things, or The Walking Dead, and turn away from the shows for good, deciding to probably never watch them again. But I know myself. I know how scary movies and books and TV shows might seem fun to me at first but can give me terrible nightmares, especially when I’m alone at an old hotel in the middle of Oklahoma City.

And since I know myself, I also know that I’m as good with money as I am bad with horror films. I was that kid who would look for money hidden in the coin returns at arcades and collect it, as opposed to using the coins to actually play the games. I know that credit cards will never tempt me into spending more than I have because I’m just a cautious type of person.

 

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Yikes!

However this isn’t true for lots of people- and if you’re one of them, don’t be ashamed. Be glad that you know yourself. The amazing finance blogger J. Money, on his fantastic blog Budgets Are Sexy (I only very recently discovered this extremely relatable and super fun-to-read blog, and I highly recommend it), writes about how he was solicited by TD Bank to create a credit card article targeted to millennials. Instead he describes how millennials are actually doing great things for themselves by avoiding getting into credit card debt. The reason TD Bank, and many other banks, are especially targeting millennials for credit cards is because millennials have been shying away from the cards due to worries about ending up in debt. According to the Budgets are Sexy article, almost half of all millenials- 44% – aren’t using credit cards at all. After all, many millennials-including myself- grew up and/or spent their early twenties during the recession of 2008 and are already saddled with insanely high student loan debt and a degree of worry about incurring any more bills.

TD Bank was trying to get Budgets Are Sexy to write about the benefits of credit cards and how millennials should establish credit so that they could borrow money later to acquire a car or a house. Yet J. Money, although he likes credit cards for their various perks and benefits, thinks that avoiding debt is way more important than your credit score. And I completely agree. Although I love credit cards personally because they’ve enabled me to take many a free flight somewhere, and to pass the credit check to rent my apartment, I disagree with telling millennials they should establish credit in order to take on lots of debt down the line… especially when millenials are already worried they’ll take advantage of “free money” credit cards and take on debt from unnecessary things!

I think it’s important to know yourself, and if you know you can’t handle the temptation of credit cards, stay away from them! I’ve cut scary movies out of my life because I know I can’t handle them, and I’ll never look back!

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This creepy image scares me a lot. It’s actually from a protest against credit card debt, that I found in a How Stuff Works article

Dammit Oatmeal, How Did You Trick Me For So Long?

Random short story about how it can possibly take you thirty years to learn the most obvious thing ever:

So, I’ve been making oatmeal forever, and I even have a favorite brand: Old Wessex Ltd Scottish-Style Porridge Oats. I’m not an instant oatmeal fan, so I even take ziplocs of my favorite Scottish Oats on the road when I travel.

Although I like oatmeal, and especially Scottish-Style Porridge Oats, a ton, I don’t always love it when I make it. It’s hit or miss- sometimes it’s too watery, sometimes it’s too chewy. Even with the best brand, which I’ve been buying for at least 4 years now, I’m not usually all that impressed with my oatmeal. I eat it anyway, because I love oatmeal…. yet sometimes I get oatmeal at a restaurant- one of those quick places where there’s oatmeal in the morning and soup during the day- and the consistency is just so absolutely perfect. And I always thought ‘my god, how do they do it?’ Is there tons of heavy cream in this?

Then one day, earlier this summer, I lazily scanned the directions on my tube of Scottish Oats. And for whatever reason, on that random day, I decided to FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS EXACTLY. I never did this before. I got out my measuring cup and measured out exactly half a cup of oats. Then I put in exactly one cup of water. Then I put the oats in the microwave for exactly three minutes (I’d never microwaved my oatmeal for more than two minutes in the past). And lo and behold- perfect textured oatmeal.

The consistency was creamy and thick. The oats had the perfect chewiness. Everything was even more filling somehow because of the way the oats had absorbed the water.

A crazy and perfectionistic lesson? Maybe. But it worked. And even crazier- I realized I’d wasted  years of feeling it out and NEVER getting it right, even by accident.

There may be a lesson in here beyond the simple ‘read the directions’ one. Sometimes you can try your darndest to do something your own way, but the simple answer is actually right in front of you, tried and true and perfect.

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Sometimes You Don’t Realize Your Confidence Is Low Until You See Someone With a High Level of Confidence

Today I read an article by the comedian and author Sara Benincasa, who was responding to a very pointed question from a fan. The question was: Why did you gain so much weight?

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It’s a question that would’ve destroyed my confidence if I was already feeling bad about myself- as I think it would have secretly destroyed many women. And I’m not fat by any standards. I’m actually pretty small if you’re going by some kind of American average. But it doesn’t matter- I always knew from society and all the magazines I’ve ever read that I was kind of worthless unless I was losing weight or thin.

What’s crazy about the thought pattern of ‘I’m only worth something if I’m thin’ is how built into my belief system it is- and I know that I’m not the only one. I work in an industry where being thin is prized, but I also live in a society that’s weight loss crazed…and always has been.

The article today shocked me with the confidence and bravado it presented- the woman who wrote it is successful and funny and talented and also bigger than what Hollywood, or society at large (whatever that means), deems ‘acceptable,’ but she’s confident anyway. How is this possible? Are you allowed to be confident if you’re a woman who’s not ‘acceptably’ thin or striving to lose weight? I ask this question as sort of a joke, but it’s not a joke. I truly care about healthy food and about being healthy, but there’s definitely a major part of me that cares only about being thin, so that I can feel good about myself and move on. This weight pressure is not something that only hits women in their teens and twenties and goes away…it continues well into our thirties and likely until the day we die. Weight pressure is built into the fabric of how women live. Every woman is pressured to be ‘acceptably thin’ and can’t feel good about herself unless she is so. Or so I thought.

“…here’s the shocker: in addition to my family and real friends still loving me, I kept getting work! Comedy, acting, and publishing 5 books from February 2012 to July 2016! It’s almost like I still had worth and value beyond the number on the scale…!”

She did? Women can? Especially in entertainment..or fashion…or hell, just being a respected woman? How can you respect yourself if you’re not ‘acceptably thin?’ How can anyone respect you? You should use all your time and energy to get onto a weight loss plan, right? But the successful comedian and author who had ‘gained some weight’ confidently continued:

“Let me tell you about some of the things that I did between when I started gaining weight (2011) and now (2016). I published that first book, “Agorafabulous!: Dispatches From My Bedroom.”I adapted it as a TV pilot. Diablo Cody is the executive producer. Have you heard of her? She’s very talented… Anyway, she wanted to work with me and never brought up the fact that I wasn’t skinny. Can you imagine? It’s so strange. I talked to her yesterday and she still did not say anything about me being so fucking fat. Is she just being nice? She’s from the Midwest and those people are sweet. And Ben Stiller’s company, Red Hour, worked with me too. None of them told me I was fat. Ben Stiller didn’t tell me I was fat!”

And this breathtaking woman didn’t even feel unlovable when she was fat! It’s crazy:

“Now during this time I began to think about weight. Not mine! I saw how women were criticized on the Internet and elsewhere for gaining weight. This intrigued me. I didn’t feel fat or unlovable. Should I? Hmm. I considered this and decided instead to make fantastic art instead, because I’m amazing at it.”

Wow, how dare she make art instead of getting her weight under control?! How could she even do that? Isn’t it better to spend your entire life getting your weight under control before you do anything else? I don’t understand it!

I gained all that weight because I was so busy working and growing as a person, a writer, an actor, a comedian, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a lover, an activist (hi Emily’s List and Humanity for Hillary and Los Angeles LGBT Center!), a thinker, and a cook (ironic, right?!?) that I didn’t have time to pursue what I really, really want to do: spend my precious spare moments making anonymous comments on the blogs of successful, beautiful, hardworking women in a failed attempt to undermine them in order to give me some sense of power as I marinate in my own inadequacy, stuck in the knowledge that no one will ever pay me to write my poorly-crafted thoughts down on paper, to be translated into book or film or television form, and that beyond money (which of course doesn’t lend my thoughts any inherent value) or any degree of fame (which is pointless and wholly unnecessary to a happy and fulfilling existence) no one will ever really want to hear what I have to say at all, because I am essentially worthless and of no value to the world at large. That’s what I really want to do.

Wow. What a response. Read Sara Benincasa’s full, beautiful response here.

I’m truly moved and shaken by Sara’s amazing statement because I feel like I not only wouldn’t have the confidence to respond that way, but I wouldn’t have the confidence to FEEL that way.

Imagine if we could actually, truly feel so confident no matter what?

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What You Know in Your Thirties That You Wish You’d Known Earlier

I just came across a Buzzfeed meme article about 22 things you learn in your thirties that you wish you’d known earlier, and unlike most Buzzfeed meme articles, I shook my head in agreement for most of them. If you haven’t read my previous post kind of trashing a 30’s Buzzfeed meme article, see Best Things About Being In Your Thirties- The Lists.

So let’s go over a few of the best learned things from Buzzfeed’s 22 Things You Know In Your Thirties That You Wish You’d Known In Your Twenties.  In no order:

  1. “There are other ways to communicate with your friends than social media. Like speaking on the phone. Or even meeting them in person.”

    Yes, yes and yes! YESSSSSS!!! But do other thirty-somethings know this too? Wait, am I not alone?

keep-calm-and-snapchat-me-41-12. “Your love for cheese will only grow stronger.”

Damn. I really didn’t think my love of cheese could actually grow much stronger. But dammit Buzzfeed, why do you have to be so right?? And my damn allergy to cheese makes me want it even more. Whyyyy, cruel world???

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3. “Being so drunk you don’t know your own name is not attractive to the opposite sex.”

Really? Damn it again. Good thing I don’t drink as much anymore because in my thirties, after 3-5 drinks, I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing, not able to go back to sleep again for 2 hours anyway. Come on liver, get it together!

4. “It makes sense to spend more than $10 on a bottle of wine.”

Okay, I disagree with this one. Maybe it can be done, but how does it “make sense”? Priorities, people!

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5. “Weddings cost a FUCKING fortune.”

It would seem so. I have never had one of these weddings, but legend has it they suck up all your wine-buying money for the remainder of your adult life.

6. You will not find your true love on the dance floor at 2 a.m.

Yep, hopefully by your thirties you’ve discovered the computer as a better place to go when you’re single at 2 am. Pajamas and Tinder can actually start trumping dancefloor as early as 10 or 11 pm…

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Being a Better Kid In Your Thirties Than When You Were a Kid

Most people long for the days of their childhood- those carefree days when life was simple and lovely- but I actually hated being a kid.

I hated not having control over my life, I hated having to get up early, I hated homework, I hated the other kids who made fun of me and laughed at me, I hated feeling ugly, I hated feeling confused, I hated feeling like the oddball, I hated feeling stupid. I really hated school. I even hated elementary school. I even hated kindergarten. I think I was okay in nursery school, but after that school was an uphill battle. Well, maybe high school was a little better, but grade school was the absolute worst.

And now life is just so much better and I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been barring some occasional PTSD I still get from those old days.

Things started getting better in high school and wayyyyy better in college. And life has steadily gotten even better. Most of the issues I had as a kid are gone- no more homework, no more school, no more being bullied, no more mean musical theater program people, more understanding of the world around me, more control over my life, more peace, more downtime, more freedom, more loving thoughts about myself. And I would never wish being a kid on anyone ever. Except for the people who miss being a kid.

Because childhood is supposed to be great. Some people apparently were a lot happier being a kid than me. However, I think I’m charmed with a backwards life: my childhood happiness is now. Instead of being a happy child for 15-18 years and then being a less happy adult, I got a less happy childhood for 15-18 years and then a staggeringly happier, blissful-by-comparison adulthood. And I can say for certain that I like it much better this way.

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Was just at Harry Potter world at Universal Studios during an awesome family vacation a little over a week ago

Because I can appreciate wholeheartedly every moment I have as an adult. Every bit of free time I have now, I love that much more. Every kindness someone does for me touches me to the root of my soul because I know the depths of pain I felt from people in my past. Every moment I can choose my own work to do is staggering to me because I appreciate the beautiful freedom I have. Everything I learn now is so much more valuable because I’ve chosen to learn it. Every lovely truth seems clearer when compared to the gray confusion of my childhood.

I also feel like I’m a better child now than I ever was when I was a child. Small things delight me. I’m so appreciative of time I get to spend with my family. I love and enjoy fun desserts more. I’m in shock at how much fun I have at Disney World and Universal Studios….as an adult. I love my car trips with my family. Because as an adult, I really appreciate time I get to spend with my family.

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My brother possibly about to be attacked at Universal Studios two weeks ago

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My mom and I at the Harry Potter midnight book release last weekend..we’ve made wands

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The Lorax, who is awesome

The appreciation I have for not being an actual child anymore leaves me free to embrace my inner child as an adult. I don’t feel jaded or cynical much because I appreciate each new moment. I don’t want to fight with people I love because I’m so grateful to have them in my life. I think a lot of these traits stem from me not being as happy as a child. I’m looking to feel good now. I’m looking to play. I’m looking for ease. I want to feel the happiness of childhood as an adult and I believe that those feelings can be there when you look for them.

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I don’t know what I was looking for here exactly. 

 

 

 

 

 

All the Best Natural Cold Remedies I’ve learned about by 31- Featuring Apple Cider Vinegar, Raw Garlic, Green Juice, Vitamin C, and More!

So I’m sick. This annoys me because my sickness broke a record I’d been holding for the last year and a half of not getting sick. And before that, I hadn’t been sick in 5 years!

Last time I was sick (a year and a half ago), I was sick for an entire month! This was extremely annoying and excruciating because I was away working in 5 different cities in a row the entire time I was ill. And I didn’t have many of my natural remedies. So I’d be presenting to some customers in San Francisco, and my throat would burn in pain every time I swallowed, but I had to continue working for a few days and then immediately jump on a plane (still sick) to Chicago while sniffling the entire way. When I landed I’d get to work, talk to customers, then immediately have to run into a supply closet and blow my nose for the entire next show! I kept thinking the cold would stop but it continued through all 5 work cities, with symptoms changing the entire time, for over 26 days!

So without further ado, I’m going to tell you the best natural ways to prevent and fight a cold EARLY ON, because I caught that other one too late and never want that length of symptoms to happen to me again! Also, one of the reasons I think my sickness went on for so long last time and my first natural preventative tool is:

1. You have to get enough sleep!

I definitely wasn’t getting enough sleep last time I was sick, and I was traveling and working like crazy, so that didn’t help at all. Sleep goes a long way towards strengthening your immune system.

But in my 31 years, I’ve collected an arsenal of other natural remedies to try, especially when a cold or illness is just getting started- these cures work best to nip illnesses in the bud. I’ve been doing these now that I’ve been sick and I just kicked a fever and body aches within a day..and the latest cold is starting to subside, hopefully. Here are some of the best natural remedies I know:

1. Raw garlic

For many people this is a miracle cure. Eat raw garlic for health – anywhere from 2+ cloves a day (not the whole bulbs, just cloves..it’s not so bad). I’ve eaten anywhere from 3 to 8 cloves a day to try to kick the cold but I’m not being social right now. Brush your teeth really well and gargle Listerine if you’re gonna go meet anyone after this cure- especially your significant other.

Oh, and here are two brilliant ways to eat raw garlic without just chewing on a clove: 1. I like to make garlic toast- just heat any bread, add butter (or vegan earth balance), and top with raw garlic. 2. Alternatively, you can try simple guacamole: a bit of mashed avocado, raw garlic, salt, maybe some lime juice, and I add a drop of stevia. Or just add it to mashed avocado and call it a day.

2. Vitamin C Supplementation

I had a roommate once who never got sick. She swore by taking 5 vitamin C pills every 6 hours. I take anywhere from 2-5 every 6 hours..it won’t hurt- you’ll just pee out extra vitamin C anyway. Your body can’t retain it.

3. Ginger

Once I had a boyfriend who would get so sick a couple of times a year that I was sure he was on death’s door every time. A friend of his recommended making him ginger tea, and it truly worked miracles. In fact, for some people, this is the most effective cure of all. Buy fresh ginger and peel it, then chop it up into 1/2 inch size pieces or so, and boil it. Drink the boiled water. When I’m getting sick, I drink a ton of this. Sometimes I add honey, a bit of almond milk, cinnamon, and turmeric for a yummy powerhouse drink.

4. Raw honey

I’ve lost my voice many a time because of both dairy sensitivities and loud shows where I’m talking a lot. Raw honey really helps with scratchy and sore throats and it seems to have some medicinal properties for colds as well. If you don’t have raw honey, any honey will do for its soothing quality.

5. Warm lemon water

I just started with this because I’m sick, but it’s hugely trendy right now. Lemons have a lot of vitamin C and are extremely alkalizing (a very good thing for your body). A lot of people I know swear by warm lemon water. If you want to try, it’s really easy: just squeeze half a a fresh lemon (not bottled lemon juice) into some room temperature or warm water and drink it first thing in the AM. Easy peasy.

6. Apple Cider Vinegar

Is there anything apple cider vinegar doesn’t do? It’s known to cure everything from stomach aches to digestive issues to high cholesterol to hiccups. Totally worth giving this magical cure a try. Just add a tablespoon or two of ACV to some water and drink it. You can even add some raw honey to this for extra effect and tastiness. I know people who drink this every morning.

7. Probiotics

Since I attempt to avoid dairy, I don’t eat yogurt often. However, the main nutrients in yogurt come from probiotics. So I take a probiotic supplement every morning instead. Probiotics help gut bacteria, promote good digestion, and I have a few friends who say they don’t get sick because of all the probiotics in their diet. You can get probiotics from food and drinks such as Kombucha tea and quality sauerkraut as well.

8. Green Juice/green smoothies

If you have access to a juicer or blender to make a green juice or a green smoothie first thing in the morning, either one is a great way to start your day. Green juices are mainly juiced vegetables, sometimes with an apple and lemon thrown in for taste and good measure. A green smoothie adds a handful or two of spinach, kale, or many other green leafy veggies to a fruit smoothie- and you can’t even taste the greens. These are great ways to sneak extra healing greens into your diet besides salads.

9. Fruit

I eat so much fruit in the morning- a lot of times, fruit is my main breakfast. Fruit is packed with healing vitamin C to help ward off illness, plus many other vitamins to support your immune system. Simple bananas work well in the morning, and I’m into oranges or mangoes lately as well. If you don’t want to make a smoothie, plain fruit is a great (and easy) substitute.

Okay, well there you have it- a plethora of natural cold remedies to help you kick any illness that starts to rear it’s ugly head. Try one or try a few..or try them all. Let me know what you think! And stay well!

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If You Make A Lot of Money In Your Thirties, You Don’t Have to Spend it All (or, Did You Hear How Much Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutchers’s Wedding Bands Cost??)

Now that you’re in your thirties, it’s possible that you’re making more money than you used to. Maybe you’re making a lot more money, or maybe just a bit, but hopefully you’re getting to enjoy that difference in pay.

When I used to listen to Suze Orman’s podcasts- alas, she sadly retired from the podcast/TV scene recently- there was a segment called “Can I Afford It?”. In this segment, people would call in and tell Suze about something they wanted to buy. Then they would ask her if they had the money to afford the item. Suze asked them all the same basic questions about their financial situation, the most important ones being what their monthly income and their monthly expenses were.

The answers people gave to these income versus expenses questions were always enlightening. Sometimes people would call in with an income of $11,000 a month, but had monthly expenses hovering around $10,950 a month! And then there were people who would report an income around $3000 a month, but their expenses averaged  only $2,000 a month. Who do you think was better able to afford what they wanted to buy? It was weird to see the juxtaposition between the two.

Of course, it’s not always like this. Sometimes you can make a lot of money or a good amount of money, and simply not spend it all. I read an article today about Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher’s wedding bands. In an interview with Conan O’Brien, Mila was talking about how she saw that the wedding bands at Tiffany’s were ridiculously expensive. So she went on Etsy and found a nice wedding band for $90 and bought it for herself. Then she found Ashton’s wedding band for $100. So their grand total wedding band expense was $190! I’d imagine that’s a huge savings from the average cost of wedding bands today! And this wedding band was for one of the top paid actresses in Hollywood, who can absolutely afford one that was way more expensive!

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But a more expensive wedding band wasn’t worth it to her. This is an extreme example of how just because you make money doesn’t mean you have to spend it all. It’s also an example of how people cut costs on their wedding when they didn’t even have to, simply because some of the costs weren’t worth it to them. Of course, you don’t have to be cheap and hoard all your money either- being insanely cheap isn’t fun, and Suze Orman approves lots of purchases. After all, life is to be enjoyed! However, you can pick and choose which items and experiences are really worth spending your hard earned money on. And when you only purchase things that are worth it to you, you’ll end up making your purchases more special and exciting- even the little ones!

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 Click here to see the Mila Kunis interview about her Etsy wedding bands