Today I impulse bought a Jawbone Up Fitness tracker. I guess it’s unfair to say the purchase was impulsive, because I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, but I’d held off because I assumed I’d use the new iPhone to track my steps, once I bought it that is. But the iPhone is just too expensive for me at the moment ($370, gasp!), so this was a in-between purchase. The Jawbone Up was on sale at Best Buy for $64.99. Not too bad.

You wear the Jawbone around your wrist, and it tracks the amount of steps you take and the amount and quality (deep vs. light) of sleep you’re getting. I’ve always liked the idea of collecting data about yourself and trying to “hack” your health to make yourself healthier and happier.

As I’ve gotten into my thirties, I’ve noticed that my body isn’t functioning the way it used to. And not only my metabolism – which is the change every thirty-something seems to mention when it comes to changing health. For me, my body seems to be having trouble digesting the food I used to love, namely carbohydrates. I think it might be a gluten intolerance, so I’m ‘hacking’ my body by trying a 21-day no-gluten diet.

So, I like the idea of the Jawbone because it’s a way to track and monitor your habits, and I hope that it helps me develop better ones.

Have you ever used one of these devices? What did you think?

I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

While I love winters for the hot toddies and for having a legit excuse to wear tights and chunky sweaters (and mind you, I still do this in LA!)  it does mean our days are getting darker earlier and we’re getting less sunlight. Our bodies begin to lack that essential mood boosting Vitamin D. I’ve been fighting the blues this past year, on and off, so I can’t say it’s a “winter” thing or SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Most of my blues is from the ongoing transition from moving from NYC to LA, and grad school stress. While my favorite self-soothing remedies help (a glass of wine, pizza, and an episode of Parenthood. Clearly, I’m also a cheap date) temporarily, I’ve found some lasting change in two practices. Meditation and Therapy. I’d like to tell you a little more about how they worked for me.

Meditation 

Have you tried meditation? I’ve always wanted to, and have some meditations sporadically over the years, but I’ve only recently gotten more serious about keeping the habit.

There are lots of ways to do it. You can simply sit still and concentrate on your breathing for a specified amount of time, 5-20 minutes generally. Or you can try a guided meditation using links online. I know Laura likes using guided meditations, and I find them useful too. I’ve found that when I have nothing to listen to, it’s so hard to sit still for more than 5 solid minutes.

Right now, I’m participating in the Oprah and Deepak Chopra “The Energy of Attraction” 21-day challenge. There’s still time to sign up. It’s a free series of 20 minute meditations for 21 days Check it out here. https://chopracentermeditation.com/about-us

I put a little candle on and let Deepak and Oprah do the work.

There are also specific types of meditation. Two years ago, my friend and I checked into Transcendental Meditation, which lots of people SWEAR by, but despite the organization being a non-profit, there’s a steep fee for the introductory course, which I think is about $750. There’s a 50% discount for students, and I considered doing it in LA, but ended up deciding to wait until I had some more funds. We enjoyed the free Q and A we attended, and I really believe they are doing great work but damn if I can’t see paying that much for meditation. The thing that makes TM meditation somewhat different is that you’re assigned a mantra. (Always reminds me of Annie Hall, “Help! I’ve lost my Mantra.”)

Therapy 

I’m a therapy evangelist! I went for the first time about 6 years ago when I was going through a bad breakup. It was very helpful, especially when my therapist had me join a group session for people going through breakups. It was such a relief to talk to people going through the same thing. Luckily, it was covered by my health insurance with a co-pay. I think the co-pay was quite high, something like $40, but it still felt like a good deal at the time.

Now I’m in therapy once-a-week for regular talking sessions. Normally I just talk about the week and how it’s going. There’s no agenda, other than to release my thoughts. I’ve noticed that every time I leave therapy, I start yawning like a mad person on the bus ride home. Once I noticed this pattern, I realized how much I was holding in during the week, and how relaxing it was to get my mind unburdened.

Think money is an issue? Or do you not have health insurance? Sliding scale therapy is offered by a lot of psychological training programs. That’s what I do, and it’s based on what I can pay according to my salary. Since I’m in grad school and only work part-time, it was agreed upon that I pay $20 a session. That’s not bad at all! My therapist is technically a recent grad, but he’s pretty damn good.

And, ultimately, with therapists, it’s ALL about the fit. You have to feel like your therapist is right for you. Don’t be afraid to choose another therapist. It’s all about finding the right fit and approach.

So those are just two of my favorite healing techniques. But with both of them, the results are subtle and incremental over time. And yeah,  some days, the best therapy is a glass of wine and a good phone chat with an old friend.

Renee Zellweger has been all over the news recently regarding her facial transformation. This news is so ubiquitous that it twice has made it onto a daily ‘top ten world news items’ email that I subscribe to.

Her new image caused me to do several double takes. I searched her name on Google in order to see even more unrecognizable photos. And I must admit my first few thoughts surfaced quickly: I judged her. Harshly.

‘What has she done to her face?’ I thought to myself. “It’s horrible that I can’t recognize her anymore! WHY would she do that?”

And then the opinion pages popped up all over the internet:

“She shouldn’t have done that to herself- she should be natural!!”
“Goddammit! Why?? She looks totally different! I liked her old face!!”
“The horror!! She looks even older now!”

And like a rapidly dividing cellular organism, the opinionated groups split and split into voices screaming everywhere:

“Be natural,” “Looks like an ENTIRELY DIFFERENT PERSON,” “Trying to look younger,” “Horrifying” “Don’t talk about it anymore!”

But we’re talking about it. Even when we shut up, we’re thinking about it. It’s part of our culture to judge and put beauty and the act of aging under a microscope. Celebrities are under the microscope more than non-celebs, but only because they have more photos/video taken of them, and are seen by more people. Aging is judged for us all, and so people who try to combat aging are judged and reviewed even more. And this media frenzy has happened right now because Renee Zellweger seems to have “failed” the aging test.

In our society, women aren’t supposed to look like they’ve aged if they want to be valued; so the question strangles us from a young age: how do we stop letting age show on our faces and bodies? How do we pass the aging test? Can we eat perfectly “clean” and follow the ‘right’ exercise and sleep routines and be balanced and meditate and never stress out? Can we ‘make up for aging’ in some other way, by perhaps excelling with our creative talent (the Meryl Streep argument), utilizing our outstanding intellect, accomplishing our inner goals and dreams? Will these things make us better?

Maybe they will and maybe they won’t, but the purpose of all the above achievements and routines was never to make us LOOK better, but to make us BE better.

Becoming a better person inside doesn’t always show physically. It seems fair that inner beauty will always shine through on the outside, but life isn’t fair- when did we ever think it was? It is 100% certain that we will all age. There will be people who naturally look younger when they are older- a combination of luck and some habits and genes. Then there will be people who look their age or older- also a combination of luck and some habits and genes.

If successfully ’passing’ the aging test means looking looking naturally younger or “natural but still very good” then you will have ‘passed’ if you luck out by aging well ‘naturally.’ If you don’t feel like you have aged well naturally, then you’re stuck being judged for ‘looking old.’ So you can try to fix this with plastic surgery, Botox, or other outside help- but you will only have succeeded if the ‘help’ is a secret..if it’s completely and mysteriously invisible.

So the ‘aging test’ goes into super difficult bonus round challenge if you reveal the secret…you’re not allowed to show that you’ve had-gasp!- surgery! You can’t show that you’re trying to beat the system ‘unnaturally’– that’s cheating!

What’s that? Did I just write that we’re set up to fail?

I think so. The system that’s in place is set up to be all but impossible to beat. It’s a system of hypocrisy and double standards, of secrecy and judgement. The only way to beat it now is to join it, to believe in it or live in shame. And that’s not really beating it at all.

Our system is broken. It’s NATURAL to AGE! It’s Natural that age shows on our faces and bodies. But what our culture wants is a youthful look at all costs. So let us not judge plastic surgery. Let us judge our culture.

Everything in your life could be better, if only got a new job, moved, owned a dog, ate five servings of vegetables a day, gave up alcohol, ate gluten free, and the list goes on…

Since I graduated college in 2004, I’ve moved to a new apartment every year with the exception of two years. When lease renewal time came around, I always felt I could find a better apartment, a better “fit” for me, or a more fulfilling roommate situation. (In fact, as I’m writing this, I’m thinking about how great a new, bigger apartment would be, despite having just moved three months ago.) Besides all the money I spent on moving costs, there was the psychological toll of moving. Moving can be traumatic and stressful. Every year, I’d lug all my belongings from one Brooklyn neighborhood to another, until I had exhausted all the neighborhoods and at last, borough-hopped to Queens.

Recently, I realized that maybe this was some pattern and indicative of something deeper. And apparently, there’s even a term for this chronic need to find the next best thing. It’s called “the grass is always greener syndrome” or GIGS for short.

This syndrome, “the grass is greener” dilemma,  is not just limited to moving. It can affect all areas of your life. Ever known a chronic job hopper? Or someone who’s always “falling in love” with someone new? I’m not judging this behavior, and in fact, having a desire to improve your life is natural and evolutionarily adaptive. But it gets self-destructive when it infuses everything else in your life with doubt. How can you enjoy a relationship, friendships, a job when you’ve got a nagging feeling that it could be better?

When I moved to LA a year ago, I had all these grand hopes for changing my life. I imagined I’d be more relaxed, eating avocados, walking on the beach, and writing my screenplays all day long…Uh. Yeah, right. As much as I tried to leave my issues in NYC,  I they joined me in California. I still have trouble motivating myself to write for long stretches of time, I still don’t exercise as much as I should, and more often than not, I opt for Trader Joe’s frozen meals over fresh avocados.

But I guess what I am trying to learn and internalize is that there’s great pleasure to be gained in loving a place, a person, a situation for a long period of time. Finding ways to improve upon something and being at peace with “what is.” (This is new-agey Jane coming out now.)

There’s an Eckhart Tolle quote that really speaks to this:

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” – Eckhart Tolle

What if you knew you weren’t going to make it to age 30? What would you do? Doctors recently told 29 year old Brittany Maynard that she had a rare tumor in her brain that would stop her from living to celebrate her 30th birthday. Brittany decided to take matters into her own hands.

When Brittany learned that she had stage IV glioblastoma multiforme- a rare type of brain cancer that would kill her in a matter of months, she was living in California, but she and her husband decided to move to Oregon after the diagnosis. This is because Oregon is one of a handful of states that upholds what’s known as the Death With Dignity Act. This act provides options for dying individuals to choose when and how they would like to end their life, helping ensure that their final time on earth will be filled with as little pain and suffering as possible.

Brittany told People magazine, “My glioblastoma is going to kill me, and that’s out of my control. I’ve discussed with many experts how I would die from it, and it’s a terrible, terrible way to die. Being able to choose to go with dignity is less terrifying.”

Brittany has chosen to end her life on November 1st, in order to spend October 30th with her husband on his birthday. She will take prescription medication in her own room surrounded by her closest family and best friend. “Now that I’ve had the prescription filled and it’s in my possession, I have experienced a tremendous sense of relief,” Brittany said. “And if I decide to change my mind about taking the medication, I will not take it. Having this choice at the end of my life has become incredibly important. It has given me a sense of peace during a tumultuous time that otherwise would be dominated by fear, uncertainty and pain.”

Though the Death With Dignity Act has become more accepted in recent years, and has been adopted in Washington, Vermont, Montana, and New Mexico, there is still some pushback against it. People are saying that a terminally ill patient choosing to end their life early is still committing suicide calling and calling the Death With Dignity act ‘assisted suicide’ and ‘euthanasia.’ Brittany has said this in response: “There is not a cell in my body that is suicidal or that wants to die. I want to live. I wish there was a cure for my disease but there’s not.”

I’d never heard of Death With Dignity or glioblastoma multiforme before Brittany’s story. I’m glad that she’s able to end her life on her terms and not completely at the mercy of her disease. My heart breaks for this brave, beautiful woman who will not live to see age 30.

Watch Brittany’s amazing video here.

You can join me in signing a thank you card to Brittany. Her story of courage at the end of life has become an inspiration to millions of people around the world.

Ever heard of the word “thrisis”? I hadn’t until the other day, when a wine-fueled googling expedition led me down a rabbit hole of articles about “surviving your thrisis.” It sounded like some strange medical condition, something in between thrush (yikes!) and a thyroid issue. But the word “thrisis” actually refers to the mental and psychological “crisis” that one experiences during their thirties, not unlike a mid-life crisis.

I’m not sure where the term began or who exactly coined it, but it’s been popping up in articles and blogs. While everyone seems to have some different version of it, the common themes and complaints of a “thrisis” seem to be:

• “Now that I’m 34, my life doesn’t match up with how I thought it would be.”
• “I’m a corporate professional and I’ve reached a high-level in my company and have a corresponding salary, but how come I don’t feel fulfilled?”
• Basic feeling of being underwhelmed with your life
• Feeling less “black and white” about life and choices, and more “grey”

There’s even a book about having a “thrisis” – it’s called “30-Something and Over It” by Kasey Edwards.

In her book, Edwards talks about how the experience of having a “thrisis” can help you “take stock” of your life so you can avoid having regrets down the road. She writes, “It’s about looking ahead, thinking, I don’t want the next 30 years to be like this.”

I’ve definitely thought about this in terms of my own life, and yes, I do have occasional freak outs about feeling “behind” as a thirty-something. I don’t have a solid set of career accomplishments, I’m not married, and I don’t have children. But since I’m still climbing the ladder towards my career as a screenwriter and TV writer, the common ‘thrisis’ feeling of reaching a high level and not finding fulfillment isn’t resonant for me.

How about you? Have you had a “thrisis”?