Author Archives: janersays

Expectations Vs. Reality

January 21, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , 5 Comments

Over a TV show brainstorming session with my friend and classmate tonight, I came to the realization that the struggles of the thirty-something decade (for me, so far) seem to be revolving around the internal battle of expectations vs. reality. Most of the angst I experience now revolves around thoughts like “Am I where I should be for my age?” “Am I behind?” “Should I start planning for children now? “Is it weird that I’m not feeling an intense need for children now?” “Will I ever accomplish my dreams?” “Am I going to have to settle down and get a corporate job?”

Of course, it’s a decade that’s about striving for certain goals, but it’s also a decade about accepting imperfections and appreciating what we have. Learning to “want” the reality we already have. But man oh man, is it tough.

When I used to do yoga at a particular studio in Manhattan, the teacher used to say, “Expectations reduce joy.” It’s a such beautiful statement and it’s applicable to almost every aspect of life. Even relationships. Expecting people to act or treat us a certain way is like asking to be disappointed.

I wanted to share some beautiful quotes about releasing expectations.

“Would you like to know your future? If your answer is yes, think again. Not knowing is the greatest life motivator. So enjoy, endure, survive each moment as it comes to you in its proper sequence — a surprise.” – Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

“Know that everything is in perfect order whether you understand it or not.”
― Valery Satterwhite

“I hope you do not let anyone else’s expectations direct the course of your life.”
― Julianne Donaldson, Edenbrooke

“Before her marriage she had thought that she had love within her grasp; but since the happiness which she had expected this love to bring her hadn’t come, she supposed she must have been mistaken. And Emma tried to imagine just what was meant, in life, by the words “bliss,” “passion,” and “rapture” – words that had seemed so beautiful to her in books.”
― Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

How Much Of Your Life Do You Outsource?

January 17, 2015 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

I spent some of my Saturday night at the coin laundromat two miles from my apartment. I actually find doing laundry to be relaxing, but not when I have to travel a long distance with heavy bags to get to the laundromat. Like tonight. Also, when you’re doing laundry alongside clearly high, strung-out homeless folks, it can be a bit depressing…especially on a Saturday night.

I kept thinking, “Oy! Why didn’t I use just that coupon Washio sent me for $10 off my first order?” Have you heard about Washio? It’s a start-up for laundry. They literally come to your apartment/house, pick-up your laundry and return it in 24 hours. On top of that, they bring you a HOT cookie. And here’s the thing – it’s not that much more expensive that laundry drop-off places. It’s $1.60 a pound for laundry. Many drop off places near me are $1.50. But Washio pick-ups and delivers! To me, $1.60 a pound seems worth it.

I haven’t tried Washio yet, because as a grad student, I can’t yet justify the expense, but I love the idea of it. More and more though, I’ve been contemplating paying the money for the service. I can spend more time writing, more time reading and investing in my education.

I started to think about all these other cool services available in our saturated start-up world. There’s Blue Apron, which brings the ingredients for planned meals to you. Then, there’s a service that picks you up at home and brings you to the gym or your SoulCycle or Pilates class. For more on that crazy trend, check out this NY Times article, “For The Door to Treadmill Service.”

If I had unlimited financial resources, I might take advantage of more of these services.  Right now I’ll stick to Uber and Lyft…But I think Washio is close behind on my list.

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Things I Should Own As a 32-Year Old (Or, How I Should Upgrade My Look)

January 17, 2015 By in Grab Bag 2 Comments

I was inspired by Laura’s post yesterday about mastering specific little skills by her 30s. I thought about how I feel like I don’t dress appropriate to my age. Obviously, it’s subjective, but the way I dress makes me feel younger than I am, and maybe that in turn makes me act younger than I am. Who knows.

The point is though, I feel like I haven’t “mastered” the art of dressing polished and together. I wear ratty black converse nearly every day and most of my shirts are cotton t-shirts from the Gap, with some variation of a horizontal strip pattern. And on top of that, I wear a backpack. I’m comfortable in this clothing, but it doesn’t make me feel confident and strong.

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But when I put myself together in a more thoughtful way, like I did yesterday, when I wore a sweater dress and some nice flats (which is rare, maybe 3 times a month), I FELT better. I felt like a woman, a woman who could be teaching a class at UCLA, which I am. So one of my goals for 2015 is to dress a little better. To dress my age. What does that mean? Well, you tell me! I know there’s a lot of beauty and fashion bloggers out there who read the blog, so I’m open to ideas. I would love to know what clothing items make you feel like an empowered thirty something woman.

For me, I guess I imagine that it would mean having a nice handbag (why does that word make me feel like a grandma?) and wearing more than just Converse everyday. More shirts with nice fabrics like silk. Overall, I guess it means dressing like I’m okay with growing up…and if I’m getting into therapy mode – like I deserve to wear ‘adult’ clothing.

On Friendship: Louis CK and Marc Maron

January 15, 2015 By in Friendships Tags: , , , Leave a comment

Have you ever listened to the WTF with Marc Maron podcast? If you haven’t yet, you should, because it’s pretty awesome. In a nutshell, Marc Maron is a stand-up comic who interviews other comedians. But that would be an unfair and reductive way to describe it. It’s so much more than that – Maron talks to his guests about deep stuff – there’s a lot of talk about anxiety and depression, and the harder parts of life that we don’t often acknowledge.

One of his episodes is an interview with comedian Louis CK. Slate recently rated this episode the BEST PODCAST EPISODE OF ALL TIME. And with all the crazy hubbub surrounding Serial, this is quite the honor. The episode deals with their 20-something year friendship and the rocky patches it went through – how they fell away from each other for a long stretch of time. Resentments built and tensions formed, miscommunications happened – all the stuff of everyday friendship.

I think the reason the episode resonants with people is that it just feels so true.  That’s the best way I can describe it. Over the course of the 2 hour interview, they take a look at their joint past and begin to re-build their friendship.

Maron had a lot of really insightful words on friendship that I wanted I’d share here. As we’re moving into our thirties, we’re growing as people and so are our friends. As easy as it is to assume we’re the only ones who are changing, our friends are changing too. It’s a never ending evolution, and the advice I tell myself is that we should constantly try to see our friends in a fresh light; to constantly try and almost listen to them like they’re a new friend. Does that make sense?

Here are some quotes from the kick-ass episode that I thought were worth sharing:

“Sometimes when you don’t see someone a lot, you just sort of hold them to who they were when you did know them really well. Like oh that guy must be the same guy.”

Similar sentiment, expressed a bit differently:

“A lot of times, in friendships, you tend the hold the person you’re friends with to the standard of what your friendship was originally.”

“Allowing each other to grow in a friendship is tricky, because there’s part of you that wants to be what you were when you were first friends, there’s part of you that’s wants that, because that’s an innocent place, that’s where the emotion started.”

You can download the episode here.

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How to not regret your 30s

January 13, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , Leave a comment

About eight months ago, there was a Reddit thread around the question “For those of you 40 or above, what do you regret about your 30s?” Check it out here – it’s definitely worth a read if you don’t mind sifting through a lot of random replies.

The most resonant reply for me was the person who said not to worry about the “shoulds.” I ‘should’ be married by now, I ‘should’ have a  high-paying job by now, I ‘should’ have children by now, etc. Only recently have I started to become more comfortable with ignoring the “shoulds” in my own life. For me though, the “shoulds” I’m concerned about are more day-to-day life stuff – for example, when I tell myself I ‘should’ attend a social function when I really don’t want to.

As I’ve gotten older, I try to do things that bring me joy. If I don’t want to go to a loud party that starts at 10pm because I want to curl up with a good book and drink a glass of wine, then that’s what I do. Same with hanging out with people who don’t make me feel happy or good about myself. I used to tell myself that I ‘should’ spend time with a person, simply because he or she asked me to. Like, ooooh…someone wants to hang out with ME, I have to say yes, because what if I say no and then I don’t get the opportunity to socialize again?! Clearly, that was low self-esteem speaking and something I should analyze in therapy sometime. Thankfully I’m past that stage and now, if someone asks me to hang out and I feel ‘I should want to’ rather than ‘Yay! I want to!’ – I don’t say yes. Time is too valuable these days.

Speaking of time, I loved this commenter’s (handle: mustlovecash) ‘regret’ and advice for us 30-somethings:

Living in a shallow blur, by doing too many things adequately vs. a few meaningful things really, really well. Multitasking is an oxymoron, and your inbox will always be full – that is it’s job. But being excellent in a few cherished things (playing piano, skiing, photography, whatever) gives a lasting reward.

And, overall, one of the most recurring ‘regrets’ in the thread was not saving enough money or not maxing out your 401K options from employers. Laura has talked a lot about saving money on this blog and if you haven’t already started an IRA or Roth IRA, start your research here.

If It’s Good Enough for Kate Middleton…

January 9, 2015 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , 3 Comments

Then it’s good enough for me. Err…I guess, right?

I recently came across this old post on the The Telegraph’s news site, Dear Kate Middleton, the best is yet to come. The article is basically a compilation of quotes from notable women in the UK giving Kate unsolicited advice on turning 30. The author mentioned Kate entering her “fourth” decade of living, which stopped me in my tracks, because I keep thinking of this period of my life as my third decade of living. But when you turn thirty, you’re actually beginning your FOURTH decade of living. Have I lost brain cells from too much Merlot, or is this just a common misconception?

Regardless, there were some very nice gems of advice I thought I’d share here:

“Don’t spoil your life by fretting about age while you’re still young. Women in their thirties sometimes panic because they feel it will be a disaster if they don’t get everything – the right partner, children, a successful career. Some women do have all those things, many don’t. There are happy and unhappy people in both groups.” –Wendy Cope, poet

“Best of all, it gets easier to be yourself when you turn 30 – you develop the confidence you longed for but never had in your teens and twenties. You get better at your job, more experienced, more skilful. And forget all those gloom-mongers – doctors among them – who say your brain and body start to deteriorate. I married and had my first baby at 37, then had three more. I launched ChildLine at 46, and hosted a talk show at 62. Go for it, Kate, the best is yet to come.” – Esther Rantzen, Broadcaster and Campaigner

Read more in the article linked above and enjoy these bits of motivational goodness as you head into your weekend!

Finally…an all-natural deodorant that works!

January 6, 2015 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , , , , 1 Comment

I used to eat a lot of junk food. In high school, I remember eating greasy pizza for lunch and then having a “snack” of a McDonald’s burger and fries. My desire to change my eating habits stemmed from a superficial goal of wanting to lose weight. But as I ate better, I discovered I felt better and the habit was re-inforced. Now that I’m a much healthier eater, I’m trying to tackle other areas of my health.

On my journey to live healthier and happier in my thirties, I’ve decided that I’m going to try to use all-natural products, products that don’t contain those dreaded parabens and toxic chemicals. Too often I forget that our skin is our largest organ, and absorbs those products we slather on ourselves.

I won’t replace all my products at once, because I am grad student after all. I’m simply starting by switching each product out for an all-natural one once I’ve used up my old drug store brand. My first product swap: deodorant. From what I’ve read, this is perhaps one of the most toxic of all the beauty products out there. This is mainly for two reasons: 1) Most deodorants contain aluminum that has been linked to various diseases and 2) Your underarm skin is incredibly sensitive and nearly 100% of what you put on this area is absorbed into your blood stream.

Over the years, I’ve tried lots of different all-natural deodorants – from Tom’s of Maine to that weird crystal stick. None of them worked for me; the scent always ended up fading away and leaving me with an au natural fragrance that I wasn’t too thrilled with. But I can finally say that I’ve found one that works.

I saw this new product by a brand called Refyll in a market near my house in LA, and something about the display drew me in. Perhaps it was the ads with store testimonials that said “This actually works!” I also asked the cashier what she thought, and she backed the ad up, “It actually works!” I also love the scents, they smell earthy and vaguely masculine.

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It was $12.50, and yes, perhaps that’s a bit indulgent for deodorant, I’m hoping it lasts at least two months  and I love knowing exactly what is going into my body. (And just so you know, this is not a sponsored post.)

Growing Up and Aging Anxiety

January 3, 2015 By in Career, Health and Wellness Tags: , 12 Comments

I’m not ashamed to admit that my favorite magazines are Real Simple and O Magazine.  They’re inspiring and have good recipes and life hacking/efficiency ideas to boot. (Am I a middle aged woman at heart? Perhaps.) While I miss the days of Jane and Sassy, most “women’s” magazines now kind of suck. Instead of creating content for the readers, the writers in beauty editorial seem to work for the PR departments of major beauty brands who push them to advertise their products.

Anyway, I came across a quote I loved in January’s issue of O Magazine (the one with the very clearly photoshopped image of a lion and Oprah on the cover.) There’s a great article by writer Amy Maclin titled  “Educating Amy,” about her experiences with self-help seminars and programs. In the article she talks about the aging anxiety she experienced in her 40s. There was one line that deeply resonated with me. She writes,“I still hadn’t grown up, and yet I was growing old.” 

Have you ever felt that way? I have! I mean, I’m only 32, but I still feel at times like I’m either A) an insecure teenager, B) A wildly optimistic kid, C) an overly cerebral college junior, D) None of the above but clearly not a bonafide ‘adult.’

Maybe the answer to this aging anxiety is that we need to shift our ideas of what “growing up” means. Or maybe there’s really no such thing as “growing up” at all.

Here’s to Consistently Improving in 2015!

January 1, 2015 By in Career, Health and Wellness Tags: , Leave a comment

Happy New Year! I hope your first day of 2015 felt like the start to an auspicious year. Today I relaxed with my dude and watched some of my favorite TV shows, worked a bit on some projects, and also fit in a hike in Rustic Canyon here in LA. This was where, after huffing and puffing my way up a series of stairs, I discovered that I am ridiculously unfit and clearly need to add cardio to my New Year’s resolutions.

Whatever your personal hopes for the New Year may be, I want you to go easy on yourself. Big changes happen with tiny steps. I believe that we undervalue tiny changes. When we see people transform their lives on shows like The Biggest Loser or Extreme Makeover, the transformations happen in these huge “all or nothing” ways. We’re bombarded with the message that if our life changes aren’t big and sweeping, then they aren’t going to be effective.

But that’s a crock of sh**! Even five minutes a day of a new habit adds up. I became a writer through 20 minutes of writing a day. Years ago, I remember telling Laura I was going to devote myself to 20 minutes a day of putting words on a page. I did it. And honestly, I got a TON DONE. Way more than I ever thought. That’s how I wrote my first major play.

Now I write a lot more than that, but even more important – I write nearly every day. Whether it’s more outlining than actual writing, I’m usually at work on some project. Even writing for this blog counts. But it all began with 20 minutes a day.

And even 20 minutes can be a lot. So why not start with 5 minutes a day of whatever it is you want to accomplish? Establishing a new habit is very much about creating mental (or actual physical) muscle memory. It’s also about consistency. Doing something everyday is way more important than doing it intensively once in a awhile.

So here’s to tiny changes! Or, as Richard Dreyfuss’ character says in the comedy classic “What About Bob,” Baby Steps...

How Much Sleep Should a 30-Something Get?

December 30, 2014 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , Leave a comment

Remember a while back when I shared that I purchased a Jawbone Up? Well, after a few weeks of wearing it (on and off), I’ve found it’s pretty awesome. It’s a wrist bracelet that tracks my steps per day and the amount of sleep I get, breaking it down into “light” versus “deep” sleep. More than anything, I’m fascinated by the amount of sleep I get. For me, sleep is invaluable. It’s a huge health priority for me and I know that I only function well with 7-9 hours of sleep a night.

Here’s what the sleep graph on Jawbone Up looks like. (And no, I don’t sleep 10 hours a night regularly! This was one of my post-flight, jet-lag nights of sleep. But man, a night of 10 hours sleep feels really good.)

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What’s cool about Jawbone Up is that they give you little facts about how you compare to other people in your same demographic. I’m not sure if you can read the text in the above right image, but it says that I get “1 hr 20min more Sound sleep than other women in their 30s. They average 3 hr 13min of Sound sleep per night.” But that was not an average night for me. Usually, I average about 7 and a half hours a night. It was cool to see how that particular night of sleep compares to other women my age.

So how much sleep should a 30-something get? Looks like the scientific advice is 7-9 hours per night, according to this article on Slate. In addition, I’ve read that you should try and learn how to fall asleep within 30 minutes of laying down. Not sure exactly how one goes about doing that, but creating a sleep ritual is a nice idea.

To happy and healthy sleeping in 2015!

Are You Going to Make Resolutions For The New Year?

December 28, 2014 By in Grab Bag Tags: , 1 Comment

There are four more days until January 1st 2015, the day when at least one person you encounter will ask you: “So, do you have any resolutions for the year?” While that question can be somewhat annoying, I’m personally  giddy with excitement at the opportunity for a fresh start. I know, of course, that we can make a fresh start anytime in our lives. Still, it’s a ritual I enjoy.

Apparently, the history of making New Years resolutions comes from the ancient Babylonians who made promises to their gods at the start of each year saying that they would return borrowed objects and pay their debts. Similarly, the Romans began each year by making promises to the god Janus (after who the month January is named.) It’s funny how New Year’s resolutions have morphed from coming from a place of “giving” to now a place of “self” and “me.”

To me, New Year’s resolutions are the broad strokes changes/goals you want for your life and they’re relatively easy to decide on. The harder part is breaking them down in manageable mini-goals spread out over the course of the year. I like to come up with three or four goals or “resolutions” and then break them down into the “how” part, meaning when will you schedule this goal. Sometimes it helps to segment the year into quarters and break down the goal that way.

Here’s my first draft of my broad strokes resolutions:

  • Write more
  • Reach out to my professional contacts and send out my work more often (hope to land a manager or agent)
  • Cook at home more
  • Make my home more cozy and continue on my minimalist kick

What’s on your list? Or do you not believe in New Year’s Resolutions?

Merry Christmas to all!

December 25, 2014 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

I hope you’ve all had a lovely Christmas day full of happiness and good company. I had a beautiful dinner with family, new and old, and ate lots of delicious things that are now rumbling around in my belly, competing for digestive supremacy.

My mom and I commuted through Grand Central Terminal to get to our destination this afternoon, and I was reminded of what a gorgeous building it is, especially in the holidays. The ceiling is filled with stars and the wreathes add a special touch. I tried to capture it in the picture below.

Sweet dreams and enjoy these final days of 2014. Wishing you and yours happiness on this day.

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The Holidays and the Cult of Busy-ness

December 23, 2014 By in Grab Bag Tags: , , Leave a comment

Happy Holidays, everyone! I hope you’re enjoying your respite (and hopefully you do get one) with family and friends. I’m back home in NYC and enjoying time with loved ones. While all of this is wonderful and happy-making and I am truly grateful for this time of year…

…Do you ever feel like the holidays can bring some sense of angst? Or that somehow you’re not “doing the holidays right”? I do. There’s this expectation that because it’s holiday time, you must be so incredibly dizzyingly busy that you’re close to burn out. We’re bombarded by that message on TV, in magazines, online, etc. But, I find that I am not exceedingly “busy” and I feel worried that somehow I’m missing out on something great because I’m not so busy. Do I not have enough friends to entertain, not enough invites to holiday parties, not enough presents to buy? Am I missing out on something? Specifically, I think there’s this idea that women in particular must be exceptionally busy to be considered successful – that a woman must be balancing a thousand relationships and obligations at once. But, I’m an introvert and I treasure doing things slowly, savoring time with friends where I’m not distracted and not overextending myself.

Is this “cult of busy-ness” something that begins to happen in your thirties? I’ve found that this idea of being superwoman – managing a career, relationships, children, a home – seems to have become more omnipresent in my thirties.

As a dramatic writer, I often think about the silence in between moments between characters – that space where much is expressed without words. Silence does not mean inaction in a screenplay or stage play. I think this is true in life as well. Being busy and running around fulfilling to-do list check-off items isn’t necessarily more fulfilling than quiet moments of reflection.

So, I wish to you a holiday full of family, friends, and good food – but also, moments of quiet gratitude where you can take in all around you and rejoice.

Coping With Uncertainty Anxiety

December 19, 2014 By in Health and Wellness Tags: , , 2 Comments

Ever have the feeling like every aspect of your life is in flux? Well, I do now. It’s completely off-putting, especially for someone like me, who craves stability. The truth is, uncertainty is stressful and more than that, it’s uncomfortable. And who likes to be uncomfortable?

For me, the major uncertainties in my life right now revolve around issues like: whether or not I should stay in LA after I graduate even though I’m not liking it here, whether or not screenwriting/TV writing is definitely the career path I want to keep pursuing, and how can I make meaningful friendships in LA and continue to build friendships back home. These are major issues, but there are many more personal issues lurking in the shadows.

I don’t have answers but I do have some tips for when you experience uncertainty anxiety.

1. Embrace It

Allow all that uncertainty come into your life, and let it take a seat on your couch next to you. Living with the discomfort allows you to see that it’s tolerable. You will survive being uncomfortable.

2. Keep Moving 

Don’t let the uncertainty paralyze you. Make choices, and don’t be afraid of the idea that some decisions are “wrong.” Decisions are never really “right” or “wrong” but just choices.

3. Remember You Won’t Always Feel Uncertain 

You’ll never feel the same way you do now in six months. It’s a strong statement, I know, but I believe it’s true and it’s helped me a countless number of times to get through difficult situations. We are ever changing, and how we feel today is no predictor of how we’ll feel tomorrow. So yes, you may feel uncertain now, but it’s a fleeting feeling.

I hope this is somewhat helpful for you. I would love any more tips or advice, if you’ve got em!

Do you consider the “emotional payoff” of your goals?

December 17, 2014 By in Career Tags: , , 2 Comments

The thirties are a decade I like to call the “striving decade.” We’re all pushing forward to accomplish things – to move up the career ladder, to find a life partner, to have children, to completely switch careers, etc. We have goals and they seem like they exist in a pressure cooker (at least for me, they do.) As an article in Jezebel once said, the 30’s are the “do or die decade.” (In our minds, at least.)

I recently was reading an article about OCD sufferers in Real Simple, and the therapists talked about how they coached their clients through their OCD affliction. They mentioned something that I found fascinating. It’s the idea of emotional payoffs from goals.

When we set goals for yourself, how often do you think how you want to feel after you’ve accomplished the goal? I realized that I rarely do.  Or if I do, it’s a very vague sense of “Oh, I’ll be so much happier once I’ve gotten a job in a writer’s room on a TV show.” But that’s not enough. You have to specifically identify the emotions. In this instance, the emotional payoff I want from that job is to feel like I’m using my best skills in a job, happy because I’m exercising my creative muscles, and content to be around like-minded people.

This idea of emotional payoff from goals could explain why a lot of people wake up one day and realize they’ve accomplished a lot, but still feel empty. And you begin to get that feeling that nothing you do will be enough.

So the key question to ask when you’re setting those New Year’s Resolutions is:

What emotions do you want to feel when you attain a goal? 

Hello, Vacation!

December 15, 2014 By in Grab Bag Leave a comment

I’ve spent the last four days on the lovely St. John in the US Virgin Islands. I’ve been very lucky to come here on a vacation with my fiancée’s family. My only previous experience with the Caribbean has been the Bahamas, and whoa, this is a completely different trip! It’s a lot more quiet and beautiful here.

The clientele at this particular resort are older, and there’s not many folks in their 20’s and 30’s. The youngest travelers seem to be young parents in their late 30’s. The people who are around our age are usually expats from around the globe, many of who are in their late 20’s and 30’s and moved here for the exquisite beaches and sailing conditions.

While I’ve been here, I’ve been reminded of one important lesson. All the milestones that you think are real in your thirties – from getting married to having kids to landing that perfect VP level job – they aren’t real. They are just societally imposed. We met a married couple around our age, early 30’s, who ditched “cubicle life” (the husband was previously a medical biller in Queens, NY) to teaching sailing in St. John (they also teach sailing in Montauk, NY when the season is slower in St. John.) They stressed how important quality of life was to them.

We also discovered a couple in their 30’s (so it seemed) had just opened a PIZZA boat after the husband made his money in hedge funds and wanted out of the rat race. Basically, it’s a floating NYC pizza shop that will deliver via dingy. No joke. They studied at the Staten Island Pizza School and learned how to make perfect NYC pizza and then brought it to Christmas Cove in the US Virgin Islands. See their website here. As a pizza addict, I couldn’t have been more thrilled by this discovery.

We’re heading home tomorrow, back to reality. But for one more night, we’re here, in something close to tropical paradise. A place that reminds you that you can live whatever kind of life you want, at any age.

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