Okay, so broke is not the right word. I’m not broke – but I don’t have a sizable savings and buying a nice jacket on a whim at Banana Republic is not an option for me now. But, I am not complaining – because I chose this option. I want to write for TV and Film, and I could be toiling for many more years to get there, ‘there’ being the point where I’m paid for that work. That means though, that I can’t take a job with long hours or a ton of after-work responsibilities because I need time and mental energy to focus on my writing. So I’m stuck in a land of entry to mid level admin type work.
Which isn’t bad – it’s something to be thankful and grateful for – BUT, as I get older and head into murky early thirties-mid-thirties territory, I worry about the “what ifs,” what if I don’t break through for awhile? What if I’m 45 before I do? All that saved salary I miss will have an impact. How will I afford children, if I choose I have them? Yes, my ‘husband’ can pull more of the weight but what psychological impact will that have on me as a woman? Will I feel it necessary to give up more ‘writing time’ to watch the children because he’s paying more for the household? And very importantly, what about retirement – how can I keep up with saving enough money to retire one day?
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say with this post, but I do think making this sort of choice highlights something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. That life is all about paradoxes and compromises. There’s a internal richness that comes with making a decision to follow what some might call a very risky career path, but there’s the flip side of that – which is the very real worry of monetary security.